Fat Tuesday

Mardi Gras 1998
(Lady Pun, DYY and Sonya pictured here, sucking juice out of a crawfish's head)

I considered New Orleans to be the best city in the South. Each time I visited, I felt the soul of the city caress my body and penetrate my spirit in a slow and sensual way. I often daydreamed about how I would retire there with my lover and just fucken chill. Have lots of sex. Listen to jazz and eat po'boys and etouffee all day.

Mardi Gras festivites persevered this past week... despite that 80% of the city continues to be in ruins. There is no electricity or clean running water. Thousands of residents still displaced.

However, it seems that every mainstream article I read praised the annual event. In fact, they all repeated the same rhetoric, like how locals need Mardi Gras to feel alive, how it is theraputic, etc.

I don't know. I'm not so convinced.

Larry Lamborghini, a New Orleans native, wasn't convinced either. You can tell from his blog. To DYY's delight, he commented about this op ed piece by another New Orleans native who happens to favor the Mardi Gras celebration. Larry's comments are long and scathing. Ouch.

Alvin Ailey Knows Love

The Alvin Ailey Dance Theater performed at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion this past week. It's my fourth time watching this group, and they simply lift my spirit each time. LA Times staff writer Lewis Segal wrote a negative review of the dance company in last Friday's paper, calling the new material an "overkill".

Lewis is so so wrong. What he describes as "...a blur of lighting and costume changes, as well as hard-sell dance riffs galore, that no concept or theme survived..." is what I consider a successful integration of modern and contemporary urban dance. I was so excited to see classic ballet techinques infuse with everyday dance club moves, making normal dance steps seem so stunningly unique and, conversely, making professional modern dance techniques seem accessible.

Lewis continues to describe the performance as "...an aggressive fusillade of technique, often right in the audience's teeth, Broadway style. And all that love stuff coming out of the loudspeakers soon seemed a self-righteous, manipulative pretext for hot but empty showpiece dancing." But isn't love an aggressive fusillade of techniques, right-in-your teeth, Broadway style? Far from empty, that's how I like my lovin'.

In celebration of African American hertiage month, the dance troupe dedicated their week's performances to Coretta Scott King.

Concentration Camps

KBR announced that its Government and Infrastructure division has been awarded an Indefinite Delivery/Indefinite Quantity (IDIQ) contract to support the Department of Homeland Security’s (DHS) U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) facilities in the event of an emergency. KBR is the engineering and construction subsidiary of Halliburton (NYSE:HAL).

The contract provides for establishing temporary detention and processing capabilities to augment existing ICE Detention and Removal Operations (DRO) Program facilities in the event of an emergency influx of immigrants into the U.S. The contract provides for planning initiation of specific engineering, construction and logistics to establish, operate and maintain one or more expansion facilities.

The contract may also provide migrant detention support to other U.S. Government organizations in the event of an immigration emergency, as well as the development of a plan to react to a national emergency, such as a natural disaster.

"Paradise Now" Petition

(Let's cross our fingers that this movie wins for Best Foreign Film!)

To: The World

"Paradise Now" is a movie that attempts to explain the other side of the story. It is a story about the suffering of Palestinians and how an a life of desperation can lead to an act of desperation. The movie outlines the struggle Palestinians face under the Israeli occupation and how the use of their bodies has become the only form of resistance made available to them. Paradise Now does not attempt to "legitimize" the bombings, it simply presents the audience with the other side of the story, the Palestinian side, and allows those watching to draw their own conclusions.

"Paradise Now" has been nominated for an Academy Award in the Best Foreign Film Category.

This petition was started in response to on-line petitions that are attempting to collect signatures to revoke the film's nomination. Another petition was also started to pressure the Academy into changing it's origin name from "Palestine" to "Palestinian Authority" under the argument that Palestine does not exist.

To deny the existance of Palestine is to deny the existance of Palestinians both historically and today.

Paradise Now is a film that deserves to be shown to the world regardless of people's political views. Its nomination should not be revoked and its name should not be changed.

Remember, there are always two sides to every story. It is only fair to hear the other side as well. The side that does not get any press coverage. The side you will never see on the evening news.

Whether you feel Paradise Now should retain its nomination or keep the name of "Palestine", whether you feel it deserves to win an Oscar or even if you feel that art should not be censored in any shape or form: please show your support and sign this petition.

Thank you kindly.

Sincerely,
The Undersigned <--click for petition

Ask a Mexican

Gustavo Arellano is a columnist for “Ask a Mexican" in the OC Weekly

Why are all the ingenious ideas already taken? I would LOVE to start an "Ask a Chink" column but then folks would discover I'm not being original. Dammit. It looks like so much fun -- Readers would ask Arellano some really fucked up but funny questions about Mexicans and Mexican culture, and he responds in a flippant yet endearing way.

Check out these examples:

Dear Mexican,

What's with the Mexican need to display the Virgin of Guadalupe everywhere? I've seen her in the oddest places, from a sweatshirt to a windshield sticker.

Dear Pocha,

I've seen her painted on murals, woven into fabulous silk shirts worn by Stetson-sporting hombres and — one holy night — in my bowl of guacamole.

Mexican Catholicism is sublime precisely because it doesn't draw a distinction between the sacred and the profane. We can display our saints as comfortably in a cathedral as we do on hubcaps.

Dear Mexican,

Why do you always see Mexicans lying in the grass under a tree…. ¿Por qué?

Dear Pocha,

Mexicans are good public citizens who know that parkland is best used for whittling the afternoon away underneath an oak, a salsa-stained paper plate and an empty six-pack of Tecate tossed to the side.

Dear Mexican,

As an Asian person, would I be considered a gabacho? Or do I fall into the yellow bucket labeled chinito, even though I'm not Chinese?

Dear Chino,

Like Americans assume all Latinos are Mexican, Mexicans think all Asians are chinos — Chinese. When I used to go out with a Vietnamese woman, my aunts would speak highly of mi chinita bonita — my cute little Chinese ruca….


This Mexican is fucken hilarious. I won't bite off of him, but if you have any questions for a Chink, please feel free to ask.

South Dakota Shits on Women

South Dakota lawmakers Wednesday approved the nation's most far-reaching ban on abortion, making it a felony for doctors to perform any abortion, except to save the life of a pregnant woman. The proposal must still be signed by Republican Gov. Mike Rounds, who opposes abortion.

Nancy Keenan, president of NARAL Pro-Choice America said, "This bill contains an inadequate exception to protect a woman's life and no other exceptions -- not for rape, not for incest, not even to protect the woman's health.

Casper, is that you?

Queen Mary, port side, Long Beach, CA

Two of the world's most famous ocean liners will meet for the first time Thursday in the Port of Long Beach in an event expected to draw hundreds of former passengers, ship buffs and other curious onlookers.

Today's LA Times features an article about how the Queen Mary 2, the world's largest passenger ship, is scheduled to pull near its namesake, the retired 1936-vintage Queen Mary, now a hotel and museum at the port.

This reminds me immediately of my recent overnight stay at the vintage (and reputably haunted) Queen Mary when BF's friend hosted a wedding party there... and when I saw a ghost.

I can't ascertain for a fact if what I saw was truly a ghost, but I will speak the facts and you can decide for yourself.

After being in traffic for what seemed like two hours before we arrive at Long Beach, I needed to pee so bad. I step onto the Queen Mary and practically run for the bathroom which, by the way, was located at the end of a very long and eerie hallway. I quickly step inside and into a stall... while a woman inside another stall is humming. I don't think much of it because I am so focused on peeing.

But real soon I start to think it's odd she keeps humming, even though she knows I'm there... and that she hums the same several chords... over and over and over again. Then I realize, Fuck... I'm on the Queen Mary, this shit is haunted! Still peeing, I bend over from my position in the stall and look under... two stalls to my right, I see a pair of adult-size feet, dangling from the toliet... without socks or shoes. In fact, the lady or ghost is slowly putting on her socks and shoes... and still humming! The same few chords!

So at this point, I totally freak out. I begin having images that the humming will stop, and the lady/ghost will be in front of my face.

I make myself stop peeing, and run out of the bathroom... I don't even wash my hands! The funny thing is, before I leave the bathroom, I quickly turn the faucet on and then off so that the lady/ghost doesn't realize I just pee-ed without washing my hands!

Long Live Cuba!

Is it me or do you feel like everyone is making their mecca to Cuba? Some of my co-workers went last month, and so did BF's co-workers. Now his sister is there too.

Here's my tribute to you lucky sons of bitches!

Mmm mmm good?

On route back to Phoenix, I spotted a CRACKER BARREL Restaurant off the side of the highway. This brought back many memories of Urbana, Illinois. I recall the hearty prairie food they serve, and the kitchy canteen next to the dining area. I convinced the girls to try it out. I told them it is GOOD.

Okay, so I was wrong. The girls immediately grew suspicious of the place once they read the menu... chicken fried chicken, fried okras, fried dumplins, fried hashbrown casserole... even fried apples. I think they finally decided the Cracker was on crack when they learned about the coca-cola cake... as gross as that may sound, I regret not ordering it.

I began to wonder... has the quality of food diminished or have my taste buds become refined? I feel the same way about IHOP, which was such a treat in the past but now I find repulsive. I hope this is not true for my other favorite pit stop, Perkins Restaurant... may the bread bowl salad live forever!

Sorry for getting you ladies and Baby Nickel sick and greasy. But what a memorable experience, right? I bet you'll never forget that image of the cook in the kitchen with his long beard tucked into a hair net. At least the staff at the Cracker are hygenic.

Say "Chi" !!

The Red Rocks of Sedona, Arizona
Photo by DYY

Wanda, Liz, Nihkil Jye (aka Baby Nickel J) and I celebrated our forefathers' birthdays by spending a chi-filled weekend at Sedona, AZ. We stayed at this spot. Hot Mamma hooked up the accommodations.

We wined and dined at our cabin, thanks to Chef Blu-tooth who never fails to satisfy our ravenous appetites. She made lamb chops, an asparagus/brocolli medley and rice pilaf. You can get the recipe from her cookbook that will come out soon, courtesy of DYY Publishing.

Photo by DYY
Behind my girls and Baby Nickel is the Vortex. Wanda commented all day how she felt the spirtual and gravitational pull of the Vortex. As beautiful as the Vortex was, I felt nothing. I was just glad I didn't combust, or be sacrified to the Vortex by new age hippies.

I still connected with my spiritual side, however. Here I am paying homage to the indigenous peoples of the Southwest. They are my heroes; I am their humble servant.

Stuck in the vortex

Salutations from Phoenix, Arizona! Wanda and I must stay here longer due to the delay of our Southworst flight, but we are still enjoying our stay... chillin at Liz's family's mansion home, drinking chai and playing rummy.

Wanda does not like being back in the real world, away from the vortex. I, on the other hand, was about to combust from the magnetic swirl of new age crystals that seem to surround us where ever we went.

They're back

The Fugees performed a reunion concert in LA for the masses at Hollywood and Vine on February 6, 2006. Sadly, I missed it.

Another cool celebrity siting

Yes, it's true... I stood in line next to Stevie Wonder at the Comp USA at the Beverly Connection yesterday evening. This time I didn't say anything because I was so embarrassed by this hippie in line that said, "Stevie, you rock!" and began bowing, as if Stevie could see his dumb ass.

I did intervene, however, when someone else in line whispered, "Ray Charles". Another dumb ass. I corrected him, of course, and noted that Mr. Charles had passed away a year ago.

Afterwards, I met BF at Soup Plantation and told him about Stevie. He made me go back with him to check Stevie out. We circled the computer games several times and gawked at Stevie like fools. Fortunately, Stevie didn't see us.

My kind of celebrity siting

Living in LA for the past eight years and now working at the Guild, celebrity sitings are common, if not frequent. I barely mention them, unless the stars are BIG... yes, I still talk about how I practically sat next to Paris Hilton while dining at Toast, or how I wanted to follow Britney Spears into the washroom at Todai but her big black body guard blocked the entrance... still, it's so banal.

BUT i just crossed paths with MARK ZUPAN, star of the documentary Murderball! He's featured on the poster. He's quite fabulous, I must say. It happened this evening when I was biking across the intersection of Wilshire Blvd and Beverly St. He was approaching my direction in his wheelchair, and as he was about to pass me, I said, "Murderball?" He responded, "Yup." And that was it, because both of us were in motion. It was great. He looks just like he does on the big screen, with his shaved head and numerous tattoos. Most notably, I felt an affinity with him because we were both on wheels.

Murderball, a documentary about paraplegic and quadriplegic rugby players, was nominated for an Oscar this year for Best Documentary. Although I consider it to be one of the best documentaries this year, I doubt it will win because March of the Penquins was nominated too... I mean, how can you beat a penquin love story? It's just like how you can't beat a gay cowboy love story.

A valentine treat

Can't Fight This Feeling by REO Speedwagon

I can't fight this feeling any longer
And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow
What started out as friendship, has grown stronger
I only wish I had the strength to let it show

I tell myself that I can't hold out forever
I said there is no reason for my fear
Cause I feel so secure when we're together
You give my life direction
You make everything so clear

And even as I wander
I'm keeping you in sight
You're a candle in the window
On a cold, dark winter's night
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

And I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
It's time to bring this ship into the shore
And throw away the oars, forever

Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Come crushing through your door
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore.

Thanks to Dead Boy who absolutely made my day when he emailed this song to me.
They don't make songs like this anymore, with unbridled and unapologetic emotion!

Happy Valentine's Day

WHEN ever we are far apart
CAN sorrow break our tender hearts
I love you, darling, I really do
SLEEP is so sweet when I dream of you
ALL of you is like a rose, but
NIGHT is here so I must close
WITH this one note I have in mind
YOU must read the first word in every line

Dick sprayed wrong

Vice-President Dick Cheney accidentally shot and wounded a companion during a weekend quail hunting trip in Texas, spraying the fellow hunter in the face and chest with shotgun pellets.

Guns don't shoot people. Idiots shoot people.

Don't say it's so!

Michelle, I have been waiting for years. YEARS! You deserve a gold. You have always deserved a gold. With each disappointment, I have stayed by your side... despite even the last one when you lost to that ugly talentless redhead girl, I never left your side. Not once.

Now you're telling me your groin hurts too much? WTF? You're a skater, girl! Your groin is suppose be in pain! Groins of winners are on fire! FIRE!

I'm Rick James, Bitch!

This mutherfucker is back! Hell yeah. But not on Comedy Central. He has a movie out next month, and was featured in the "Inside the Actor's Studio" the other day. Welcome back, dude. I missed you so so much.

I missed music's greatest night because...

I was busy getting my Eat On!

Photo by DYY
Harkim's mom, who is visiting from Texas, hooked it up! She made her special wontons and arranged them assembly style -- noodles, soup, wontons, bbq pork, fried pork intestines (yum!), greens, marinated jellyfish and taro. Bless Harkim's mommy's heart (and culinary skills).

Photo by DYY
Thanks to Midnight Blossom (MB) and his ladies for hosting. Also thanks to DBB (Dead Boy in a Bun), FF (Fair Fan), and LLD (Lady Long Drag) for the smokes and the laughs... Jane, we'll get you an acronym soon!

Despite missing the Grammy's, I made sure to check up on my favorite musicians.

Here's a picture of Gavin and pregnant Gwen, juxtaposed with Big G and pregnant Simzie, who ironically had a dream before we went to the Gwen Stefani concert at the Hollywood Bowl in October that Gwen and her were pregnant together... and it turns out, they were! I'm convinced that pregnant women are psychic. I would love to be psychic, not pregnant, one day.

I haven't been a Madonna fan since the '80s, but she looks good! And she's like fifty now, right? She looks better than most people in their twenty's so good for her. It makes me want to either do yoga or Kabbalah... whichever is less boring. But since I have a South Asian soul, and am dating a 1/2 Jewish boy, maybe I don't need to. I am probably equipped to teach a few yoga or Kabbalah classes!

Pay up, Bitches!

Fed up with burger wrappers, french fry containers and paper cups, Oakland is the first city in the nation to force fast-food restaurants, convenience stores and other businesses to help pay for cleaning up street trash.

Oakland, you may be ghetto, but you're a ghetto superstar in my book!

HOT!

Yup, there's my girl Scarlett again... baring it all. I'm not really into Keira Knightley though... she looks too Rhode Island, if you know what I mean. Rachel McAdams, that brunette from Wedding Crashers, backed out at the last minute and Tom Ford oddly took her place.

Bring back Jimmy!

Former President Carter's eulogy for Coretta Scott King included a serious criticism of Bush, who also attended the service : "It was difficult for them [Martin Luther & Coretta Scott King] personally — with the civil liberties of both husband and wife violated as they became the target of secret government wiretapping, other surveillance, and as you know, harassment from the FBI." Right on, man. Go with your bad self.

News pundits criticized Jimmy for his "inappropriateness" during the service, but I don't agree - I think Mrs. King would have done the same thing if given the opportunity. And Jimmy wasn't the only one. Rev. Joseph Lowery, a King protege and longtime Bush critic, said, "Coretta deplored the terror inflicted by our smart bombs on missions way afar. We know now there were no weapons of mass destruction over there. But Coretta knew, and we knew, that there are weapons of misdirection right down here. Millions without health insurance. Poverty abounds. For war, billions more, but no more for the poor."

Most of you think Jimmy is a pussy. He's a peace activist, you fucken war mongers. I love this man. Let's bring him back to office!

Where are they now?

My homegirl Vida forwarded this flyer. Apparently, this new wave band from the late eighties is still alive and strong... obviously living in oblivion if they think people are going to pay to see them.

Poor guys... delusion is a real bitch.

When east meets west...

Yeah, I met Meg Ryan. I told that bitch to back the fuck off when she touched my government-sponsored flotation device without permission.

Welcome the newest supreme court justice

By Lalo Alcaraz of the LA Weekly

The War on T-shirts

Cindy Sheehan (that soccer mom/anti-war activist who stalks Bush) was arrested and dragged out of the House chambers right before Bush's State of the Union speech last Tuesday... because she wore a t-shirt that said: "2245 Dead. How many more?" I've been reading various reports about it, but I found her own story to be most compelling. You should read it, cuz it almost made me cry.

I feel deep consternation for obvious reasons... violation of the first amendment... threatened freedom of speech... yes, all of that and a bag of chips. But now I must ask myself, "Hmm, I wonder what would happen if I wore this t-shirt today?", and that really sucks.

I happen to be a proprietor of several provocative (and, I would like to think, subversive) t-shirts, and I intend to purchase and/or make more.

Shortly after 9/11, my girl Retu warned me not to wear this shirt to the airport. I responded, "They ain't profiling me." I felt if I could make a statement and still be safe, I should. But times have changed... if they're going to tackle some housewife for her rather innocuous shirt, they would shoot me for wearing this. "Intifada" means "Uprising" in Arabic.

My pal KimCheeFarmer got me this shirt during the Presidential elections in 2004. I wore it to each Kerry/Bush debate party that my nerdy friends and I held... even to the Edwards/Cheney debate. Can you believe I am admitting this?

I wear this shirt to all the anti-war rallies and protests, at least ones I used to go to...

There is nothing particularly striking about this shirt but whenever I wear it, people notice. And they always ask, "Is that you?" I usually respond, "Yes." Suckas.

This shirt is a recent acquisition. I think it's HILarious... and witty.

When I first saw this shirt, I knew I must have it... but was concerned that people wouldn't get it. It turns out, many didn't, not even folks who knew and understood me! For them, I am disappointed. But the ones who did get it, LOVES IT. And that makes the $13.99 plus some uncertain stares and snickers... priceless.

Rockin' Red

Hillary for President

"Bitch, did you open your big mouth?"
...on Bush stealing her campaign slogan for 2008:
Americans Addicted to Oil.

Why so ghetto?

Angry families stormed fences at Hong Kong Disneyland and tossed their children over gates Thursday after the theme park sold out for an eighth consecutive day.

My people are so cool. Fuck waiting when you can toss your kid over the fence... and get in free! That's the Canto way.

Parents: Don't forget to give your kids the pre-packed lunches you intended to sneak in... and I know you made them.

Friends sent me another funny forward today, also quite ghetto:Joe accurately assessed that part of the sign was cut off:
"... who are Chinese anyway."
SNAP!... that's the funniest thing Joe Mak has ever said!