Guess what this is

Here are a few hints:

• It has the same letters as GOD, but unlike God, this could be your best friend.
• It rhymes with COG, FOG, HOG, JOG and LOG.
• It's the reason why there's so much crime in China (because they ate McGruff!)
• It taste like beef brisket, but with a lamb texture.

First person who guesses correctly gets a pair of chopsticks in a silk wrapper.

Booyakasha!

Best Food Court EVER

can be found at the Yuyuan Gardens in Shanghai. Here's a little video of the splendor and it keeps going... I should have kept recording but I would have ran out of space!

Here are more pics. Beautiful huh?

Here is what I ordered:

And of course I don't waste food:

Me so happy:

Holiday Update

I'm up north visiting my family for the holidays. So once again, I must be wholesome and pure. That is why I'm wearing a pilgrim hat and showing off pilgrim art, both made by my younger nephew Elliot. Part of being wholesome and pure is immersing in the holiday spirit. For reasons I never quite understood, celebrating Christmas the day after Thanksgiving is a tradition in America. And what is good for America is good for my family. We shall not be exempt from such celebrations.
Here we are at Downtown San Jose. We were suppose to go ice skating, but the rink was closed. So were all the children's rides and the public library. Yes, Downtown San Jose was booty overall. But we still remained in the holiday spirit and took pictures with the many Christmas decorations scattered throughout the main street.

Here is a Christmas tree decorated with pictures of missing children. Above each picture is the word "VANISHED".

Um, can you say downer?

And here is a lovely nativity scene. But where is Baby Jesus? He must be VANISHED. Perhaps we'll find his picture in the tree above...

We celebrated a little bit of Christmas at home too. We assembled this gingerbread house puzzle and glued the pieces together.
There's glitter on the puzzle too, but you may not be able to see it in the photo. We also put together a glow-in-the-dark dinosaur puzzle, but it kind of got messed up when we tried gluing the pieces together. I doubt we're going to fix it. With young boys and an ADD aunt, we've moved on to other activities.
Activities such as Jenga and Twister. The boys liked them okay. I think they'll like them better when they get a little older. I can't wait. So instead we focused on some wooden toys I had also purchased for them. I added a couple of stickers to each and they insisted to add more. How awesome is that?!

Here is Christopher's helicopter:
Also to my delight, the boys have learned to make funny faces!
Speaking of toys and funny faces, I'm going to take this moment to digress for a bit... can someone please explain this to me?
There are two big shelves of stuffed bears at my sister's friend's home where we celebrated Thanksgiving this year. I don't mean to be disrespectful, since she fed me and all, but I just don't get it. I mean, I have seen and heard of adults having huge collections of dolls and stuff animals, but I just don't get it. Of course I had to inquire about her collection. They are specialty bears from all around the world. I certainly appreciate the diversity, but it's a little strange, right? I guess I shouldn't poo poo it during this time of wholesomeness and purity. I presume a collection of stuff animals is part of that. Indeed I complimented her bears and smiled cordially in the most purest and wholesome way, supressing my naturally sarcastic thoughts. See, I'm all about the holidays yo.

Now back to funny faces... Happy Holidays!!

Moose Stew Recipe

It's a favorite among hockey moms.

Ingredients
2 1/2 lbs moose, cut into 1 inch cubes
2 tablespoons shortening
1/4 teaspoon cracked black pepper
1/2 teaspoon paprika
1 bay leaf
1 teaspoon salt
2 (10 1/2 ounce) cans condensed beef broth
1 cup dry red wine
1 large onion, diced
3 carrots, sliced
18 small whole white onions
12 small new potatoes, peeled
2 tablespoons butter
2 tablespoons flour

Directions
1Saute meat cubes in shortening until brown on all sides.
2Add pepper, paprika, bay leaf, salt, beef broth, red wine, onion, and carrots.
3Cover and simmer until meat is tender, about 2 hours.
4Add whole onions and potatoes; cover and simmer for an additional 15 minutes, or until the vegetables are barely tender.
5Mix butter and flour into a paste.
6Drop into simmering stew.
7Cook, stirring, until stew bubbles and thickens.
8Serve with rice or polenta.

Valentine's Day

I didn't make any chocolate chip cookies like I had indicated. I tried. But the 99 Cents Only store ran out of Pilsbury Doughboy cookie mix. So oh well.

But for Vday, I still tried the domesticity thing. It's actually not bad and kind of fun if you play house with the right people.

DV8 and I made dinner instead -- Pecan-crusted honey baked salmon, sauteed spinich with garlic, and brown rice simmered in onion soup.

By the way, I must mention that DV8 caught the salmon with his bare hands at a fishing expedition in Canada. It's quite amazing, I know. I suppose he's quite the hunter. If this were prehistoric days, our house would be a cave, we'd wear furry thongs, and it would likely be my job to scale and clean the captured fish for our consumption. Thank god it's modern times and we can hire people to do that for us. It's better that way. I like to do my part to promote the economy.

Speaking of prehistoric times, which usually leads me to think about evolution, here's an article, also fished out by DV8, that describes a newly discovered biological reason for why humans aren't good at monogamy. You should read it for yourself for full comprehension... but, basically, it's all about the battle of the sperm! They're aggressive little fuckers, aren't they? It's good I date stoners.

Super Fat Tuesday

Although I would have been more excited if Obama won California (with only 30% of California precincts reporting at the moment, I still have faith that the tides may turn by morning...), I still thoroughly enjoyed my first ever Super (and) Fat Tuesday.

I made jambalaya for the first time ever:

I made it from scratch and used the crock pot Blu-tooth gave me for my birthday last year. It's my first time ever using a crock pot. It was surprisingly fun and easy. Yeah, I approve. And, yes, that's corn.

Here's an artsy photo of my jambalaya:


For my efforts, DV8 brought me mardi gras beads. I didn't even have to show my tits (though I felt compelled to, due to the holiday spirit).

This one is my favorite:


The festivities continued with election results on TV. We switched between Katie Couric on CBS and Brian Williams on NBC. Both sucked. But what can you do when you only have Channels 2 & 4?

I found the elections to be quite exciting, even the Republican race was fascinating... until Obama lost California. All of a sudden my Tuesday didn't feel as super or as fat. But I remain hopeful.

Happy Thanksgiving!

For Thanksgiving, my sister made four deserts. This is pretty impressive for a woman who grew up in a Chinese family. For dessert, Chinese people usually eat fruit or, if it's a special day, almond gelatin yo.

Chocolate Souffle

Pumpkin pie

Cheesecake (with lemon zest)

And her prized work of the evening...
APPLE PIE (a la mode, bitches)

And a bonus for your holiday pleasure:

I asked the kids to wave around their American flags with pride!
Don't call me unpatriotic, bitches.

In other news...

So many things happening in the world today. So many things I would love to write about. And what do I choose to feature?

Castleberry's Hot Dog Chili Sauce is linked to BOTULISM. Four people were hospitalized as a result, but are expected to live despite debilitating symptoms, such as double or blurred vision, drooping eyelids, slurred speech, difficulty swallowing, dry mouth and muscle weakness that moves down the body, leading to eventual paralysis that can cause a person to stop breathing and die, unless supported by a ventilator.

That is truly fucked up. To endure all that just because you wanted to spice up your hot dog. Stick to ketchup and mustard yo. Peace.

My apologies

Sorry y'all. Just busy with life. It's all good. Will post more real soon.

I just posted on Grub Club though. Enjoy!

I'm metamorphosing into a hippie

I have been fearful of this. But it's slowly and unwittingly becoming my reality.

I was super EXCITED to receive Dr. Bronner's magic soap as a gift from Tonkhero, after I expressed my desire to also have a complexion of a fifteen year old girl. Read about the soap's organic ingredients that support and encourage sustainable argriculture, ecological processing methods and fair trade. Also, Dr. Bronner's missive on social responsibility is a must-read. He seems a bit crazy, but the man makes sense to me.

Then, instead of my standard fare of alcoholic beverages and/or store-bought goodies, I made a hippie dippie casserole for Minnie Mouse's potluck this weekend. The ingredients include... (drum roll, please)... mashed sweet potatoes, ground soy mixed with vegetables and organic nonfat plain yogurt, and organic refried black beans with organic gouda cheese sprinkled on top.

What is happening to me?? HELP!!

Year of the Golden Pig -- It's hot pot time!

The MakJueYee House hosted its annual Chinese New Year Hot Pot Extravaganza on Sunday in celebration of the Golden Pig. Unfortunately, due to poor planning, we didn't purchase a roasted piglet like we wanted to. Still, we did have:

The Pig, which we later fried up as bacon for snacking, thx to Chef Inda:


And for the first time ever, our very own FOB sauce table with an incense fruit plate to boot! Don't you love the table cloth? It's perfect for fob-ing it up. What's even more brilliant is that under the table cloth is a mah jong table!


We celebrated with old friends:








And new ones:




And we even hosted children:



And of course we had entertainment:






And the oddities:

WTF?

Umar cooking Chinese food (and it was real good too!)

Me and my neck pillow that I wear around the house,
especially when I'm blogging!

Happy New Year! Oink, bitch.

Year of the Golden Pig -- The Return of DBB

My dear comrade DBB returned to Los Skandelous from Shanghai last Thursday night. His first request upon arrival was for pho. So here we are at Pho LA in Koreatown.

Dedicated to all you coffee snobs

To all those who have scoffed at my preference for McDonald's coffee, check this:

Consumer Reports magazine said today that in a test conducted at two locations of each emporium, its tasters found McDonald's coffee to be "decent and moderately strong" with "no flaws." On the other hand, the Starbucks brew "was strong, but burnt and bitter enough to make your eyes water instead of open."

The March issue of the magazine, due out Monday, thus advises, "Try McDonald's, which was cheapest and best."

I am NOT promoting McDonalds. It is a disease, just like Starbucks. BUT to those coffee snobs who emphatically believe that Starbucks coffee is the best... Booyah!

Whatever it is, I suffered emotional distress (and should be made whole)

Readers, I have suffered a great ordeal. This past Tuesday, while eating canned tuna fish, I inadvertently consumed what appeared to be tiny shards of broken glass. Upon inspection of the tuna, I found three more pieces.

By the way, the tuna can originally belonged to Tonkhero. Prior to his extended backpacking trip over the summer, he gave me his leftover canned foods and other provisions. Thanks, Tonk.

Anyway, I totally freaked out because I had ingested what I believed was glass. I asked my co-workers to inspect the pieces and they agreed the pieces were glass. So I frantically called my doctor. He ordered that I go to the emergency room. However, like usual, I sought a second opinion.

I have two doctor friends. I called the first one and got her voicemail. Fuck. I called the second one who is a pediatrician and he assured me that I was fine. He said I'll just poop it out. He's seen worse. I asked, like what. Oh, I've treated kids who have eaten nails, razor blades... and on and on. My chest began to constrict. I interrupted him and asked once more, are you sure my insides aren't going to get cut up? Like my esophagus or my colon? Am I going to die of internal bleeding? He said no... and not to waste my time or money at the ER.

I also found this on the web. So I began to feel better even though my chest felt constricted for the rest of the day. Pure White said the constrictions were anxiety pains. And he should know. But he told me not to worry... because "you're going to be rich!"

The next day, I called Customer Service of a very well-known grocery store that exclusively distributes the tuna. I shall preserve the store's anonymity (for now) while my claim is being processed. Anyway, the representative said I probably swallowed struvites. I was like, what the fuck are struvites? So she put me on hold to retrieve her corporate memo. When she returned, she read aloud all this scientific jargon about canning seafood, and how struvites are minerals that are left over from the canning process. For the most part, 99% of the struvites are removed. Lucky for me, I am the recipient of the 1% of struvites that weren't properly removed.

Again, I needed a second opinion. Thank god for the internet. This is what I learned. But if you are not interested in reading it, struvites are crystallized tuna urine. They are also considered kidney stones. Basically, fish waste. Gee, I feel much better. But, it's unclear. It could be glass... or it could be piss. Who knows? The store offered to conduct an investigation.

Shortly soon after, I drafted and sent a letter to the customer service department and the general counsel of this very well-known store. That same day, Pure White announced our next Dumfries Cup Competition. This is the Dumfries Cup:

My co-workers and I vie for this cup. It proudly sits in the office of the winner for a few weeks. Then the winner has to announce a new competition. We bet on upcoming sport games or award shows or really anything. Once we had to name the Time Person of the Year... this is a story for another time because I was cheated. CHEATED! I will definately share this story in another post, but for now I apologize for digressing. So... Pure White shared my traumatic experience via email with the department and asked, What, if anything, will XXX offer Rebecca as compensation for her ordeal? Closest answer wins the cup.

What do you think?

Here is my letter to assist in your analysis:

Dear Ms. XXX:

On January 23, 2007, I consumed albacore white tuna from the XXX's brand solid white tuna fish in a can (with bar code number 00181990). While eating the tuna, I chewed on something crunchy and swallowed the substance. Upon inspection of the tuna, I discovered shards of glass on top of the tuna pieces. The roof of my mouth also began to bleed.

I am extremely disturbed that glass shards have injured my mouth and are currently in my body. I do not know what the adverse health consequences may be as a result. Because I ate the tuna and swallowed the glass during my lunch hour at the office, my workday was disrupted as I was forced to make phone calls to doctors and emergency rooms. Additionally, I am concerned for my cat who may have also consumed glass as I gave him some of the tainted tuna for his meal. This type of product irregularity is unsafe and unacceptable.

On January 24, 2007, I called Customer Service at XXX's Corporate Office. A representative named Lauren advised me to request an investigation by taking the can and the shards to the nearest XXX's store and completing a product complaint form. Please keep in mind that I have taken photographs of the can and the shards, and also kept one shard in my possession while an investigation is in process.

While we wait for the Quality Assurance Report, I still expect that you will remedy this situation at once. I am very distraught from this experience. Please call me at xxx-xxx-xxxx.

I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you in advance.

Sincerely,

DYY
Attorney at Law

Cc: XXX, General Counsel

Awright, fools. Pray that I at least get a gift certificate!

PS. Today, one of my co-workers left this on my desk and attached a slender piece of tape coming out from its bottom that spelled S-T-R-U-V-I-T-E.

Hilarious. I love it.
This gesture has helped reduce my pain and suffering... but not entirely.
Money and a gift certificate may help more, I think.