Happy Year of the OX!!

GONG HAY FAT CHOY!!

Gong Hay Fat Choy!

I like this photo a lot. The Rats are doing a dance off!!

Tron emerges from China

Tron provided the group with an update on his adventures in Shanghai. Here is an excerpt, because I think it is funny.

so many stories but one of the gems that harkim took us to was this place called "movie world" where you can get cheap pirated dvd's. but we didn't end up going there, we went to the store across the street called "even better than movie world", because you know.. it's even better! literally across the street from the other place! that's some pure fucking chinese shit man. i mean you know you're in china when people sound like they're totally arguing, but you know they aren't because they're really just having a regular conversation. total switch from japan where it's like pretty quiet everywhere and you can't answer your cell phone on the bus or train.

That is really some pure fucking Chinese shit... I love it!

Chinese Colonel Sanders

Straight from the Tidbits of VICE Magazine: We like the Chinese version of Colonel Sanders because he doesn’t come across as a kind of racist version of Orville Redenbacher. Not that old Chinese guys can’t be racist. They’re just way cuter about it.

Kind of bogus

The Academy yet again for the second year in a row chose the wrong picture for BEST PICTURE. I acknowledge that The Departed is a good film. And, yes, I enjoyed it very much. But is it really Oscar worthy when it's a RE-MAKE of a very well-known Hong Kong movie, INFERNAL AFFAIRS?

To me, The Departed seems less authentic and, therefore, less Oscar worthy. Also, Martin Scorsese pretty much copied the original movie scene for scene. Do you remember the last scene of Leonardo shot dead with the elevator door continuously trying to close but is blocked by Leonardo's feet? In the original, that's Tony Leung dead on the floor with his feet blocking the elevator door.

And yes, in the original, almost everyone dies by the end. I don't understand why everyone was so pleased that everyone dies in The Departed. They're like, wow, that's so original. I'm like, dude, that's how most Hong Kong action movies end. Big fucken deal. You better recognize.

I know what you're thinking... copying a good movie would still make a good movie, right? Perhaps. But Infernal Affairs is better because the directors as well as the actors were able to more accurately capture and convey the deep psyche of Cantonese cops and gangsters-- that (1) we, as complex human beings, are both good and bad at the same time and must struggle with that daily, especially when you're undercover, and (2) don't trust anyone, especially when you're undercover. I think Scorsese tried to convey this but it just wasn't enough. This blogger agrees with me, while this blogger actually gives a detailed side-by-side comparison of both movies.

Although I do not believe that The Departed is Oscar worthy, I think it's cool that Scorsese won. Poor old man, it's about time he wins!*

*Too bad for Peter O'Toole though. He was EXCELLENT in Venus, but I still rooted for Forest Whitaker, who was also EXCELLENT in The Last King of Scotland. It's kind of like how I rooted for Ruben Studdard over Clay Aiken even though both were pretty damn good. That's just the way life goes, I suppose.

Gong Hay Fat Choy!!

Happy New Year! It's the Year of the Golden Pig... a supposedly very special year filled with wealth and riches. So you know my people are geeked.

True to its myth, the year of the golden pig has already begun auspiciously. So filled with fun and fortune that I separated the stories from start of the new year in several parts... enjoy!

Oink, bitch.

ABC and proud!

Here's a video of my favorite freestyle rapper, Jin, who is so fucken talented. And he's Cantonese!!

I began to follow his career when he first appeared on BET's 106 & Park. He was a contestant of Free Style Friday and won seven weeks in a row and was inducted in the show's Hall of Fame because no one could beat his chinaman ass. He was unstoppable. That same night, Ruff Ryders signed Jin to their record label. For real, he's really good... especially when his freestyle opponents get racist and talk shit about him being Chinese, he spits back with greater force and wit. He's my idol.

Here's his latest (thanks Tron, for real!)... he raps in Cantonese about the beauty of being American Born Chinese. Represent, bitches!



PS. He's in LA Chinatown!

I miss you too!

This is one of my best friends, Dead Boy in a Bun ("DBB"). Although I'm better known as "DYY", we gave each other nicknames of DBB (I'm "Dead Bitch in a Bun"). It's a literal translation of a figurative term that Cantonese parents often use when they address their kids. The term can be used condescendingly or endearingly. It's kind of like the "N" word, which could be used negatively or positively, depending on the context of the situation or the intention of the speaker. Yeah, I know. Don't ask me why Cantonese parents call their children a name that is equivalent to the "N" word. It's just the way it is. We communicate like that.

So DBB has abandoned his family in Los Skandelous to hustle in Shanghai, China. He's developing ad campaigns for high-profile companies in preparation for the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing. Damn him for leaving us. But I'm proud of him. He is doing so so good out in SHANGHIGH.

I'm just hating because he's in an electrifying city like NYC but profuse with Chinese people... so it's even better. And I miss him a whole bunch too. *Sniffle*

Lucky numbers 8/8/08

Two years from today, China will host the 2008 Summer Olympics. It is their first, and they hope to make it the "best games ever".

And of course it will be the best because, dude, it's China.

The Chinese, I mean, Christian Science Monitor has a nice little article about it, and how locals and the government are prepping for it.

Btw, I actually typed that mistake above. Funny how the subconscious works...

"All you can eat, but not all you can waste"

In celebration of APA Heritage Month, I am very pleased to share with you a lovely news report of brethren Chinese restaurant owner, Kent Cao, who owns Dragon House Chinese Restaurant in Des Moines, Iowa. Cool-ass Cao kicked out Wendy Dershem, her boyfriend and her two kids out of his restaurant after accusing them of leaving too much buffet food on their plates!

Now this may sound unreasonable at first, especially after Dershem and her family paid $5.95 each, but apparently, employees have been watching her family on previous trips to the restaurant and were fed up with her habits.

"They just take one bite and throw it away," said cashier Lin Huyen. "They take four egg rolls and crab ragoon, take one bite of egg roll and throw the whole plate. That is wasting food."

I cannot agree more. That plate could have fed a village in China. Plus, those crab ragoons filled with cream cheese are yummy!

"She's done that too many times," Cao said. "We would welcome her back if she has respect and knows what she wants."

Very well said, Cao. That bitch needs to learn how to respect our food!

This is for my homies...

A recent discovery by a new generation of railway workers building the extension of the Gold Line commuter rail line through Boyle Heights has unearthed a dark but largely forgotten period in Los Angeles history: they found remains that belonged to Chinese male sojourners who died a century ago, the same men who built the railroads during the 1800's!

This reminds me of a poem I wrote years ago, which I shall share to pay homage to these great brothers who sacrificed their lives to build this country. Pass the mutherfuckin' Tsing Tao...

Don’t talk to me like that, you stupid motherfucker!

You must mistake today
some other time back in the day
far away, in a bitter haze
called slavery, they say
quite different from the stories relayed
by my black brothers and sisters of today
for it’s the untold story
with little glory
of folks deceived with promises of gold
“a better life”, my peeps were told
so husbands left their wives behind
Ba Bas kissed their kids good-bye
they sailed for weeks in a fucked-up ship
shocked at the conditions of this trip
brought them into a deadly trap
of a white man’s obscure railroad map
destined toward the east, east side
pimping our working men obliged
cheap labor, a big enterprise
drilling holes through mountainsides
pioneered transportation for today
unknown to white folks sitting on the train
their asses being carried in vain
by the sweat and blood of those slain
killed by haphazard ways
for little-to-no pay
in the bitter cold and rain
loneliness, depression, pain
manhoods castrated, maimed
but were they recognized for all the fame
of building tracks from Cali to Maine?
HELL NO, you know it’s all the same
white folks take credit for fuckin’ everythang
successes which they stole, killed, raped
in order to advance their inferior pace
put my people in shame and disgrace
and today you put down my race?
I see right through your game
you’re the only one to blame
for all the racist shit i go through everyday
i swear to god that i will make you pay
so go fuck yourself, you stupid motherfucker
and don’t ever talk that way to me again
for the fury of my dead people under the tracks
will haunt and kill your ugly white ass!

r.yee. wednesday.august.05.1999. 3:43 pm

Rockin' Red

Why so ghetto?

Angry families stormed fences at Hong Kong Disneyland and tossed their children over gates Thursday after the theme park sold out for an eighth consecutive day.

My people are so cool. Fuck waiting when you can toss your kid over the fence... and get in free! That's the Canto way.

Parents: Don't forget to give your kids the pre-packed lunches you intended to sneak in... and I know you made them.

Friends sent me another funny forward today, also quite ghetto:Joe accurately assessed that part of the sign was cut off:
"... who are Chinese anyway."
SNAP!... that's the funniest thing Joe Mak has ever said!

Year of the Bitch

Gong Hay Fat Choy! Happy Chinese New Year!

It's 4704 according to the Lunar calendar.
And it's the Year of the Dog -- that means doggy-style all year, babee!

Photo by DYY
We celebrated Chinese New Years Eve with Hot Pot at MakJueYee House

After devouring several pounds of meat and fish balls, everyone wondered, how will the Bitch treat us this year? After some careful research, I found this site. Since dogs are good friends with rabbits (which is what I am), I'm suppose to have a fabulous year. Yay for me.

Although most Westerners do not celebrate the Chinese New Year, some mainstream groups acknowledge our special day. Look at GOOGLE's image today:

Another reason why Google rocks.

But of course, there are haters. I found several articles on the web about how animal rights groups are pleading with the Chinese government about ending the practice of eating dogs, particularly for the new year. Are you kidding me, do the Chinese still have that reputation?

Don't people know it's actually the Koreans that eat dog? Geez...

We're not losing our voices!

It tickled my fancy today to discover that yesterday's article in the LA Times about the "dying" dialect of Cantonese made it to the MOST EMAILED STORIES section. It's no wonder why. Not only did I forward the link to all my Canto homies in LA (plus BF who needs to learn more about my people) but everyone and their grandmas forwarded the link to me! I felt oddly proud. I did kinda hope that the article would make the section. But I can't tell if I'm proud due to the mass exposure and interest of the article (and, therefore, my people) or that my friends read the paper...

The mass forwards triggered several interesting conversations, mostly about the reverie of our tongue. Like how Cantonese is so vibrant and colorful. Edgy. How no other language or dialect has the variety of slang we have. And thanks to the article, my long-standing belief that Mandarin is a dialect closer to royalty is FALSE. Mandarin was simplified by the Communist government for the proletariat class, which is nice and sweet. Very egalitarian. However, Cantonese is a far superior dialect. Sorry.

As a courtesy, Joe Mak emailed us words of wisdom and knowledge to share with our kin and future generations to ensure that we never, ever lose our voices:

Diu Lei Lo Mo (fuck your mother)
Lei Lo Mo Hi (your mother's pussy)
Lo Mo Chow Hi (mother's stinky pussy)
Diu Gow Chow Hi (fucking stinking pussy)
Hui Sei A Lei (go and die)
Lei Go Lun Yeung (your dick face)
Yak See Lun Yeung (eat shit dick face)