Holiday Update

I'm up north visiting my family for the holidays. So once again, I must be wholesome and pure. That is why I'm wearing a pilgrim hat and showing off pilgrim art, both made by my younger nephew Elliot. Part of being wholesome and pure is immersing in the holiday spirit. For reasons I never quite understood, celebrating Christmas the day after Thanksgiving is a tradition in America. And what is good for America is good for my family. We shall not be exempt from such celebrations.
Here we are at Downtown San Jose. We were suppose to go ice skating, but the rink was closed. So were all the children's rides and the public library. Yes, Downtown San Jose was booty overall. But we still remained in the holiday spirit and took pictures with the many Christmas decorations scattered throughout the main street.

Here is a Christmas tree decorated with pictures of missing children. Above each picture is the word "VANISHED".

Um, can you say downer?

And here is a lovely nativity scene. But where is Baby Jesus? He must be VANISHED. Perhaps we'll find his picture in the tree above...

We celebrated a little bit of Christmas at home too. We assembled this gingerbread house puzzle and glued the pieces together.
There's glitter on the puzzle too, but you may not be able to see it in the photo. We also put together a glow-in-the-dark dinosaur puzzle, but it kind of got messed up when we tried gluing the pieces together. I doubt we're going to fix it. With young boys and an ADD aunt, we've moved on to other activities.
Activities such as Jenga and Twister. The boys liked them okay. I think they'll like them better when they get a little older. I can't wait. So instead we focused on some wooden toys I had also purchased for them. I added a couple of stickers to each and they insisted to add more. How awesome is that?!

Here is Christopher's helicopter:
Also to my delight, the boys have learned to make funny faces!
Speaking of toys and funny faces, I'm going to take this moment to digress for a bit... can someone please explain this to me?
There are two big shelves of stuffed bears at my sister's friend's home where we celebrated Thanksgiving this year. I don't mean to be disrespectful, since she fed me and all, but I just don't get it. I mean, I have seen and heard of adults having huge collections of dolls and stuff animals, but I just don't get it. Of course I had to inquire about her collection. They are specialty bears from all around the world. I certainly appreciate the diversity, but it's a little strange, right? I guess I shouldn't poo poo it during this time of wholesomeness and purity. I presume a collection of stuff animals is part of that. Indeed I complimented her bears and smiled cordially in the most purest and wholesome way, supressing my naturally sarcastic thoughts. See, I'm all about the holidays yo.

Now back to funny faces... Happy Holidays!!

It's Chuck E Cheese, Bitch

Wicked picture, huh?

For my nephew's birthday, I treated him to an afternoon of Chuck E. Cheese.

Dude, I haven't been to a Chuck E Cheese in 20 years. I forgot how much fun it is. There is definitely something more appealing about hanging with white trash and immigrant kids than going to the some expensive children's museum that serves organic peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and soy milk for $20. The parents and children are grossly smug. Like you want to slap them in the face. But at ChuckECheese, it's very humble, affordable and fun... and I'm like the richest person there! I felt like we had limitless tokens, a sense of comfort and satisfaction that I have never felt before. I grew up frequenting CEC with about $3 max. It was always spent very quickly.

For lunch we purchased a small cheese pizza, an all-you-can-eat salad plate, milk and beer. I was the only one at ChuckECheese consuming beer, by the way. Before I purchased it, I had to agree to all these stringent rules, like not leave my beer on the table, take it everywhere with you, do not feed to children, etc. So when my nephew needed to do number 2 in bathroom, I brought the beer into stall, as I am a law-abiding citizen. It wasn't the best combination with bud light, but better than without!

After lunch, we played ski ball. I love that shit. In fact, we struck jackpot! The aisle I was playing on starting spewing tickets continuously and non-stop. I thought it was going to go on forever and I debated whether I should walk away... but I couldn't. I started looking around hoping no one was watching me. Everyone, however, was staring with envious eyes. I collected about 150 tickets before it finally stopped. We ran to our booth and counted the tickets immediately. My nephew and I counted together. When we reached past 100 or so, I felt giddy and light-headed.

We won 354 tickets total. We exchanged our tickets for a top, a mini soccer ball and a ring. Yeah, I know. It seems like a lot of effort for some cheap mini plastic toys. They're probably toxic too.

Here's a question: Why do parents allow their children to steal tickets? As my tickets spewed out of that defective but lovely machine and coiled along the ground, toddlers would come from no where and try to steal my tickets! I'm like, hey, those are mine! Then they look at me with fear and run away. Parents stand by silent. I'm like, dude, you need to control your kids. They should thank me for teaching their fucken children for thieves not to disobey the law.

Here's another question: Do you think parents realize that ChuckE is a rat? And his friends are street animals, including a cracked-out bird and a dingy mutt, both likely infested with rabies? I felt like, dude, whoever thought of this theme is laughing his/her way to the bank!

Other games we played: air hockey and fuze ball with hockey players (is that table hockey then?). My nephew was addicted and couldn't stop playing. I was surprised and secretly delighted how naturally adept he was with such games. I kind of feel like air hockey and fuze ball are for older kids, not for my five year old nephew. But he obviously is far more superior in adoitness than other children his age and beyond. I'm not sure why, but I like it.

Happy Thanksgiving!

For Thanksgiving, my sister made four deserts. This is pretty impressive for a woman who grew up in a Chinese family. For dessert, Chinese people usually eat fruit or, if it's a special day, almond gelatin yo.

Chocolate Souffle

Pumpkin pie

Cheesecake (with lemon zest)

And her prized work of the evening...
APPLE PIE (a la mode, bitches)

And a bonus for your holiday pleasure:

I asked the kids to wave around their American flags with pride!
Don't call me unpatriotic, bitches.

Bay 2 Breaker Bitches

So I've received inquiries all day about this year's Bay to Breakers and, of course, about our outfits. Although tamer than I prefer (I think we only saw 2 naked guys), it was fun walking around SF and breathing fresh air. The trees are gorgeous in Golden Gate Park. And we looked pretty fucken crazy:



But sometimes pictures alone cannot describe the mood of an occasion. Fortunately, a video can:

New animals in my consciousness

I spent this past weekend in Northern California, celebrating my girl Christy's status as a bride-to-be. And since I was in the area, I visited my family in San Jose and celebrated a non-sectarian Easter with them. The weekend was fun and lovely. Thank you for asking.

What got excited me over the weekend was the new creatures now in my consciousness. For example, on route to Sebastopol (I know, right?) for our new age-y spa treatments, a huge bird that I swear looked like a turkey flew low above our car. I was like, is that a turkey? No one in the car knew. Finally when we arrived at the farm house (I know, right?) to meet Christy and company, another bird of its kind flew above us and Christy announced, "Oh, there's another turkey vulture." I was like, no way! They're actually called turkey vultures! Cool.

To learn more about our new feathered friends, check out this website full of fun facts about turkey vultures, thanks to the Turkey Vulture Society (I know, right?).

On Monday, I went with my sister and the boys to the Monterey Bay Aquarium in, you guessed it, Monterey, CA.

Aquarium photos beautifully taken with love by DYY

I love aquariums! So do my nephews!

I was so excited to learn that the MBA just developed a new sea otter exhibit too!

As you may know from my last trip to Washington state, sea otters became one of my all-time favorite animals. They're just so adorable.

But the creature that stole the show were... the jellyfishes!

I am embarrassed to admit that I don't think I have ever seen a live jellyfish. I now realize that not only do they serve as a super tasty treat in dim sum and other fine cuisines, they are beautiful too!

Here's a close-up picture of one. Isn't it exquisite?

Here's a picture of a group of white ones in front of a black background.
They are very photogenic.

Lastly, here is a cool picture I took of a school of sardines.

I can watch schools of fish swim around a tank all day. It must be the psychedelic stoner in me.

Trapped in a Cuckoo Nest aka 4 year old bday party

Everyone knows I adore my nephew. He turned 4 yesterday and today is his big birthday celebration. The theme is Cars from an ostensibly famous Disney movie. I don't know, I haven't seen the movie nor have I read about it in the trades. So I asked my sister (his mother) if kids are going to come dressed as cars. She said no. I thought to myself, what kind of booty theme party is this? Well, actually, I think I said it out loud. Regardless, Christopher and I were excited all day. We love birthdays. I teased him all day that it was really my birthday and my party and my cake and my gifts and my guests. He didn't believe me and responded that the guests are "my people." He also insisted that it's a 4 year old birthday party and surmised that I'm 13. He's a smart kid.

My excitement soon dissipated when the children and parents arrived. The once tranquil suburban San Jose home turned into a 1950's mental institution. I couldn't help but to transfigure myself from a normally outgoing party person into a quiet observer of a scientific social experiment. Let me attempt to explain:

(1) The four-year olds are the schizophrenics. They chase each other around, yell for no reason, and expect others to satiate their demands at once... or they will show you how crazy they really are. They tend to hundle in groups and when they do, they are extremely dangerous.

(2) The two-year olds are the sociopaths. They prefer to play alone and hardly notice each other... until one of them wants the toy of the other and then the blood match is on!! Having no ability to share, they will cry, scream, hit, kick and bite your hand off if you interfere with their primal interests. They look super cute, but I wouldn't trust them.

(3) The parents are the staff. Some are administrators, so they just sit around and complain (likely due to incompetence), and sometimes entertain the patients. These are usually the fathers. The others are the nurses. They feed, clean, and comfort the patients. These are usually the mothers. Both are overworked, understaffed and completely consumed. They often engage in shop talk.

(4) I am the hot Ph.D student who occasionally visits and studies the institution as part of a thesis. Everyone is cordial to the student, but no one can really relate to her. She can't relate to them either. So instead of engaging in trite small talk with the staff, or in a wacky incomprehensible conversation with the patients, she chooses to sit alone with her laptop and pretends to work on her thesis.

Unlike a true mental institution, however, there is no psychiatric medication available at a four-year old birthday party. Curses.

DYY's daddy hooked it up

Yip Yee and daughter spent another exciting weekend in San Jose, visiting the other daughter of Yip Yee and her children. My dad is pictured here doing his thang. For those who don't know, he's the best chef in Chicago's Chinatown. And I'm not just saying that because he's my dad. It's totally true and well-known in the community. If you ever visit Chinatown in Chicago, ask anyone about "Tao Chui Yip" (means Head Chef Yip)

He whipped up this meal for us in minutes. Black bean clams, crab in lobster pork sauce, two types of Chinese greens that I do not know the names of in English, steamed fish with green onions (my favorite of the evening) and crackling pork (which we purchased from the deli and was too fatty actually).

Here is another Yip Yee fan, GYY (Grandson of Yip Yee).

Pay up, Bitches!

Fed up with burger wrappers, french fry containers and paper cups, Oakland is the first city in the nation to force fast-food restaurants, convenience stores and other businesses to help pay for cleaning up street trash.

Oakland, you may be ghetto, but you're a ghetto superstar in my book!