Sunday, October 7, 2012

Hello, how are you?

In Year 2012, I feel as detached and connected as usual. Does anyone even use Blogger anymore? For the only "Kevin"-follower following me: Hi, How are you?

Today, Aliens tried to brainwash me during a routine stay in Joshua Tree, CA.

I voluntarily subjected myself to sound therapy. At first I was concerned. But later I realized it's the Aliens' attempt to brainwash me. With some resistance, it was an enjoyable experience. I napped until Hong Kong woke me up because I began to snore.

We held hands the whole time, however.

Hong Kong & Weed 4-Ever.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Are you kidding me?

It's called the Holy Land Experience, a bible theme park in Orlando, Florida. Check out the exhibits. It's going to trip you out, I promise you. I kind of want to go though. It looks rad.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011


Following excerpt taken from:

"Addictive Personality? You Might be a Leader" By DAVID J. LINDEN

The risk-taking, novelty-seeking and obsessive personality traits often found in addicts can be harnessed to make them very effective in the workplace. For many leaders, it’s not the case that they succeed in spite of their addiction; rather, the same brain wiring and chemistry that make them addicts also confer on them behavioral traits that serve them well.

So, when searching for your organization’s next leader, look for someone with an attenuated dopamine function: someone who is never satisfied with the status quo, someone who wants the feeling of success more than others — but likes it less.

Dude, I always felt I was cursed with a gift.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

"X" is my slave name

If you read the previous post, you will notice that I have liberated myself from my employer's electronic scrutiny.... but now I am Google's little bitch. Though I certainly plan to disable the function that allows pop-ups of advertisements targeted specifically to me and my tastes, based and derived from the content of my google emails (seriously, wtf?), I figured it's less hazardous to have Google monitor my consumer trends and spending habits than to have a boss all up in my biznack. Plus I'll just fuck with Google once in a while (as part of my routine counter-surveillance tactics against robot intelligence). Perhaps if I write about illicit drugs and sex enough, Google will provide pop-ups of good drug dealers and prostitutes in town. That would be kind of cool.

Anyway, since most variations of my legal name are already being used by other gmail users with the same name, I added "X" as the middle initial for my email address -- an initial that my employer assigned to me because of a pre-existing identification system in the department in which initials from your first, middle and last names are required. Clearly, as you can tell, the department wasn't very diverse in the beginning. My immigrant Chinese parents didn't know better to give me a middle name. An English first name was already challenging.

So I was assigned X.
I am RXY.
X is my slave name.

Ads in Gmail and your personal data

So I've decided to start a new email account separate from my company email -- for the primary purpose of developing good electronic communication habits in general. Please remember that an Employee basically has no right to privacy in the workplace, including correspondence on email accounts and communication devices issued by the Employer. An Employer has access to any and all employer-provided and maintained electronic communications of employees at his fingertips. It's really that easy... and completely legal. Though I do hope that one day the Supreme Court would overturn decisions on workplace communications that I think should be private -- and accept that in today's modern society, most communications occur electronically and should be protected and private -- I realize it is an upward battle. Perhaps a battle worth fighting only with counter-surveillance tactics rather than direct confrontation of the beast and its robot spy toys.

Upon feeling liberated from my employer's watchful eyes, I see that Big Brother exists everywhere. Nowhere in cyberspace is private. If you choose to participate in society, you pay the price of constant monitoring.

Ads in Gmail and your personal data

Ads that appear next to Gmail messages are similar to the ads that appear next to Google search results and on content pages throughout the web. In Gmail, ads are related to the content of your messages. Our goal is to provide Gmail users with ads that are useful and relevant to their interests.

Ad targeting in Gmail is fully automated, and no humans read your email in order to target advertisements or related information. This type of automated scanning is how many email services, not just Gmail, provide features like spam filtering and spell checking. Ads are selected for relevance and served by Google computers using the same contextual advertising technology that powers Google's AdSense program.

Privacy, Transparency and User Choice

Google does not and will never rent, sell or share information that personally identifies you for marketing purposes without your express permission. No email content or other personally identifiable information will be provided to advertisers. We provide advertisers only aggregated non-personal information such as the number of times one of their ads was clicked.

Privacy is an issue we take very seriously. Only ads classified as Family-Safe are distributed through our content network and to your Gmail inbox. Also, we are careful about the types of content we serve ads against. For example, Google may block certain ads from running next to an email about catastrophic news. In addition, we will not show ads based on sensitive information, such as race, religion, sexual orientation, health, or sensitive financial categories.

If you don't want to see ads in Gmail you have the option of using the HTML interface, or POP or IMAP. We're also committed to data liberation: if you decide to switch to a new email provider, it's easy to set up automatic forwarding for all new messages that arrive in your Gmail account.

If you'd like to know more about how Google handles your information, please check out the Google Privacy Center.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Annex Arizona

We Californians should declare war on Arizona. When we prevail, all of Arizona will be California's. The only thing Oso and I can't decide on is whether we should drive conservative Arizonians out of the state or subject Californian citizenship on them.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

So my racist and xenophobic coworker comes into my office

...and apologizes profusely. She proclaims she did not intend to send me the email (below). It was suppose to go to her brother who likes to fact-check "statistics like that." She continues to describe how she was up all night agonizing about what had happened, and that she was waiting for me all morning to come into her office to confront her. Before I could even tell her I'm fine, that I realized it was a mistake and that my name was probably fresh in her Outlook due to a correspondence we had earlier that day, she backpeddles and says unconvincingly, I hope you don't think I believe in "things like that."

I don't know which is worse. To believe in "things like that" or to deny you believe in "things like that" when you really do. Obviously if you are denying those beliefs, then you must know they are wrong. Right?

She should have left it alone. I already decided not to report her violation of our company email policy to Human Resources or to the executive director, a progressive African American man. I can see anyone making this same mistake. Also, I simply believe everyone has a right to their opinions, even if they are hateful and ignorant, and hope that others would respect my perhaps divergent opinions and freedom to express them (even though there's no such thing in the workplace). But her explanations were dubious because: First, if she meant to send it to her brother (who remains nameless), why was the email addressed to me in the BCC line? That actually led me to believe I was part of a larger distribution list of neo-nazi right-wingers, and maybe they are being cultivated and harvested at my job? Second, the title of her subject line did not have a "FW:" in front of it. Third, her signature block was right under the end of the message.

Oso Grande said that I should have considered reporting her, that we should stop hate mongers like her... or make this opportunity a teachable moment. I did not want to do either, and was accused of being a weak liberal. I wish I did not know at all. To know that this coworker deeply despises the people I serve and the work I do everyday, it's really unsettling. But I guess if the two of us with such divergent beliefs can coexist without any problems, I expect others to do the same. That's what America should be. In fact, maybe I'm not a weak liberal, but rather, a strong American? Take that, Oso.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

This is my response (and co-worker's response) to the previous email

So sorry, DYY. I did not mean to send it.
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Device

From: DYY
Sent: Mon Jul 19 15:48:37 2010
Subject: RE: Born: 1776, Died 2008

Hi -----,

I just read this email from you and I'm not sure if you had intended to send it to me, but I don't think this correspondence is appropriate for the workplace. I actually found it offensive and am concerned about others who might feel the same.

I don't mean to quash your communications, and have no intentions of taking this any further, but just thought you might want to know.


Subject line entitled: BORN 1776, Died 2008

So I received an email yesterday from a coworker who I believe must have sent it to me inadvertently, since I am the national director of affirmative action & diversity and all...

Born 1776, Died 2008...
Born 1776, Died 2008
It doesn't hurt to read this several times.

Professor Joseph Olson of Hamline University School of Law in St. Paul , Minnesota , points out some interesting facts concerning last November's Presidential election:

Number of States won by: Obama: 19 McCain: 29
Square miles of land won by: Obama: 580,000 McCain: 2,427,000
Population of counties won by: Obama: 127 million McCain: 143 million
Murder rate per 100,000 residents in counties won by: Obama: 13.2 McCain: 2.1
Professor Olson adds: "In aggregate, the map of the territory McCain won was mostly the land owned by the taxpaying citizens of the country.

Obama territory mostly encompassed those citizens living in low income tenements and living off various forms of government welfare..."

Olson believes the United States is now somewhere between the "complacency and apathy" phase of Professor Tyler's definition of democracy, with some forty percent of the nation's population already having reached the "governmental dependency" phase.

If Congress grants amnesty and citizenship to twenty million criminal invaders called illegals - and they vote - then we can say goodbye to the USA in fewer than five years.

If you are in favor of this, then by all means, delete this message.

If you are not, then pass this along to help everyone realize just how much is at stake, knowing that apathy is the greatest danger to our freedom.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Anti-Rape Condom

I think this is pure brilliance. Check it.
I've been meaning to buy a stun gun, but maybe this is a better alternative.

The best spam ever

Marlon Phelps at emailed me the following message:

but under ink-drops idly spattered, i was dreaming just now when you spoke.

broke with a trembling star and far-off cry. for anarchy for anarchy

Wtf? I like it though.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Friday Night Lights

Hong Kong is in Paris. So I'm at home watching prime-time television on a Friday night. I don't own cable. Only a digital converter box, subsidized by the federal government. In fact, wasn't this program an initiative of the W. Bush administration? That might explain why my converter box sucks ass. I call it, "government cheese".

When I do watch regular TV, I mostly watch programs on NBC, FOX or KCET/PBS. Occasionally the CW during Top Model cycles. Tonight I'm watching ABC which, in my opinion, sucks ass also. It is Disney, after all. Yet I'm riveted by tonight's line-up. First I watched WIFE SWAP. Dude, for those of you who watch WIFE SWAP... how trippy. As you can glean from the title, the wives swap homes and families. The twist, however, is in the rules. During the first half of the show, the wife/mother has to live by the family's rules. In the second half, the family must live by the wife/mother's rules. I know it doesn't sound ingenious, but watching WIFE SWAP emoted very strong feelings in me. I felt uncomfortable the entire time, yet couldn't stop watching. It kind of felt like watching a gang bang.

Next I watched WHAT WOULD YOU DO? hosted by John Quinones. Man, I would love his job. I love that Candid Camera shit. I'm all about that, yo. The concept is what I personally call "human/social experiments" or simply "social science"... with a hidden video camera near-by. Yes, caught on tape. But not to humiliate people, I find that rude. It's about furthering the understanding of our culture and communities through the study of social psychology, and coupled with practical, real-world application in a natural but somewhat controlled setting so to evoke an uninhibited response. If you can't tell, I'm totally serious.

Tonight's show was excellent. It's like WHAT WOULD YOU DO if an attractive drunk woman asks you to breathe into her breathalyzer so her car would start? WHAT WOULD YOU if you witness a soccer coach overwork and berate a dehydrated and soon-to-collapse wimpy red-headed student in the park? WHAT WOULD YOU DO if you're in a pharmacy and overhear a fragile old lady say she's unable to pay for her diabetes medicine? WHAT WOULD YOU DO if you see a restaurant manager sexually harass a waitress? What if the waitress dressed like a slut? Yeah, they changed up the circumstances too. I LOVE that shit.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Google Q of the Day: How long can beans soak before they grow killer mold?

Unfortunately, no answer on point. However, I found a pleasant secondary source entitled, "Edible Bean Disease and Disorder Identification."

Google Q of the Day: How many cups are in a quart?

Yes, once I saw the answer was four cups, I said to myself, Duh.

So finally I am making the infamous vegetable bean soup in a crock pot. If you were following my posts, you would realize my beans have been soaking for two days. Is that bad? I just got so busy last night...

But I'm back. Sort of. I now see my idea to make vegetable bean soup in a crock pot was impulsive and poorly-planned. However, my aversion to waste unused food is greater than my general disinterest to assemble this soup. I mean, how much longer can these beans soak without growing some sort of killer mold?

Monday, March 22, 2010

My First CSA Package

Not sure if you could tell from my previous post, but I am beginning to garden. So far, I love it. Yesterday I spent the whole day working on my flower bed, now a mixture of cacti, succulents and perennials. I moved the asiatic lilies indoor with hopes of salvaging what are left of the lilies after the squirrels have feasted on the bulbs. Squirrels are not as cute as they seem, especially when they eat your flowers and leave a mess for you to see. They just don't give a fuck.

To me, gardening is trial and error. I have no time or interest to read or learn about gardening. I am one of those people who prefer not to read instructions. I can indeed read and comprehend instructions, however, and I am also quite good at following them. But I'd rather not. It feels too time-consuming and repressive.

Due to my general disinterest in instructions, rules and some laws, I decided to wait for my father Yip Yee to visit and provide a vital tutorial before I start my salad and produce garden. I cannot wait. In the meantime, I am participating with a Community Supported Agriculture (CSA) for my local, seasonal and organic fruit/vegetable needs.

The produce pictured above is from South Central Farmers' Cooperative for $15 a box! It is a great deal and I love supporting the now famous South Central Farmers. Yet I felt very, very overwhelmed. I do not cook and, to be honest, I couldn't even identify some of the vegetables, at least in its raw form... Blu-Tooth volunteered to assist me and calm my anxieties. Together we determined that the package contained beets, carrots, green onion, spinach, cilantro, kale, broccoli, collard greens, three types of lettuce, and one additional leafy green vegetable we could not accurately identify. I added the spinach and green onion in my udon for dinner and it was lovely. The produce really looks and tastes fresh. Additionally, I have begun to prepare a vegetable and bean soup for the crock pot. Official assembly will commence tomorrow evening after the beans are soaked overnight. I refuse to let any of this produce go to waste!

The only negative aspect was that the package contained no fruit. Because of this, I've decided to also try CSA California for my next patronage. I will keep you posted on any and all new developments. Isn't this like so cool?

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Google Q of the Day: What is eating my asiatic lilies?

Apparently EVERYTHING eats lilies -- squirrels, chipmunks, rabbits, deer, groundhogs, mice, moles, slugs -- the list of malicious masticators is virtually endless!

Hong Kong commented that it's probably not a deer.

I am dismayed. What will happen when I set up my salad garden!

Saturday, January 16, 2010

The Zen Mind

I also choose a theme every new year. This theme becomes my mantra, a conscious and directed way of feeling and living for myself. In 2008, my theme was BALANCE OXIDANTS WITH ANTI-OXIDANTS. In 2009, it was EMBRACE ZEN.

This year I'm going to EMBRACE ZEN again, because the art of zen cannot be accomplished in a mere 365 days. Along with this renewed commitment (I just decided today), I viewed my new 2010 wall calendar in the kitchen, a Chanuka gift from Hong Kong. Admittedly, when I first received the present, I overlooked the theme of the calendar and automatically assumed the passages alongside the Japanese calligraphy art were just cheesy Confucius-type-but-Japanese inspirational quotes. I didn't pay much attention, and instead thought the calendar was just part of Hong Kong's fetish with all things Japanese.

This morning while eating baked Ruffles with tomatillo salsa for breakfast, I finally paused and read January's entry, 16 days later -- "When you are very honest with yourself and brave enough, you can express yourself fully. Whatever people may think, it is all right. Just be yourself. That is actual practice, your actual life."

What a great quote! I must admit, I feel inspired. I actually feel better. Did I just experience a zen moment? I flip the calendar around and discover it's entitled, THE ZEN MIND.

Whoa. This is a sign for sure. Hence, I shall modify my theme to EMBRACE THE ZEN MIND. So here's to 2010 and embracing the zen mind. Wish me luck.

Happy new year!

Is it appropriate to still wish people a "happy new year?" Around the office, when I see someone I haven't seen since December 31st, I greet them with happiness of a new year. They seem to appreciate it.

This year I made a resolution I already broke. Fortunately, being Chinese, I have a second chance to redeem myself on February 14th (yes, Chinese New Year falls on Valentine's Day this year). My resolution is to blog every day. I have a month to get back into the habit of blogging. I hope it's like riding a bicycle.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Perhaps my last poem ever

Dedicated to Joe Mak for his birthday on July 14th.

J oe is my BFF ("Brotha Fo Fun")
O nly his

M akes me laugh
A loud and proud (usually it's aloud and in private)
K ikikikikiki (female fob giggles)

I apologize. I know no one else is going to understand this posting, except Joe Mak. This is what the general populace describes as "an inside joke". And it is an inside joke, indeed! Kikikikiki!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Guess what this is

Here are a few hints:
  • It has the same letters as GOD, but unlike God, this could be your best friend.
  • It rhymes with COG, FOG, HOG, JOG and LOG.
  • It's the reason why there's so much crime in China (because they ate McGruff!)
  • It taste like beef brisket, but with a lamb texture.
First person who guesses correctly gets a pair of chopsticks in a silk wrapper.


Sunday, January 25, 2009

Monday, January 19, 2009

Tomorrow Barack Obama will be the President of the United States

My Obama doll with Ur and Peter's Obama bobblehead

I cannot wait. In the meantime, enjoy this song I discovered at 4 am in the morning at Kramerbooks in Dupont Circle. I actually can't find the newest version so this is the old one that encourages you to vote. Thanks to all who have.

Best MLK day EVER

Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day!

Yesterday, 2 million spectators, Christy and I congregated between the Washington Memorial and Lincoln Memorial to watch the start of the inaugural ceremonies for President-Elect Obama.

The two hour event featured speeches and music by many high profile celebrities, a majority of them were African American, such as Denzel Washington, Jamie Foxx, Queen Latifah, Mary J. Blige, Beyonce, Stevie Wonder, Usher, Forrest Whittiker, Samuel L. Jackson, Tiger Woods, John Legend, Herbie Hancock and more!! I thought to myself, wow, this must be the first time ever that so many African Americans were asked to perform and celebrate with the incoming president... and, as a result, this must be the first time it's so much fun! I mean, Jamie Foxx did a shout out to Chi-town, even hollered Chicago's area code "312" at the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. How awesome is that? I am so happy that we finally have a black president. Let's keep it real and keep it going!

Our Puffies and We

You need to have a Puffy in cold weather. You will die without one. Here's DBB and I modeling ours. It is the best purchase I made this winter. I love it frankly. I brought it to Washington DC with me and thank God I did.

Best Food Court EVER

can be found at the Yuyuan Gardens in Shanghai. Here's a little video of the splendor and it keeps going... I should have kept recording but I would have ran out of space!

Here are more pics. Beautiful huh?

Here is what I ordered:

And of course I don't waste food:

Me so happy:

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Pictorial of how XL and DYY became BFFs

Pictorial by: Design Director DBB.

"Friendship Has No Boundaries, Shares One Language, Sings in Amazing Chinese Unison."

Also known as:
"No Cab in Sight at 2 AM While Zero Degrees in Shanghai, Fuck that Shit, Let's Stay Home and Party."

XL, DBB and DYY wish all you bitches a happy new year!

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Ancient Chinese Secret straight from the Motherland

Despite being a person of Chinese descent (and Cantonese to boot!), it is a known, accepted and sad fact that I do not know how to spit up (aka "hauk") mucus and/or phlegm. Throughout my life, I either blew my nose or remained stuffed up, while admiring my brother's expert hauking skills and clear passageways. Interestingly I accepted my lot in life and never questioned my inability to hauk... until a few weeks ago when Divinestyler rocked my world. He was the first person in my life who actually explained the act of hauking to me: essentially, one would inhale the mucus upward into the nose and then downward through the back sinuses to the bottom of the throat and up the throat again by spitting a loogie out of the mouth. It's a basic circular motion.

I responded with wonder... and also with disgust. I was like, Joe, are you serious? That sounds fucken gross. That must be why I've never tried it... somewhere in my girlie subconscious, I must have suppressed even the desire to learn how to hauk. And now that I know, I refuse to do it. Yuck.

But both my primary care physician and friends disagree. They all say it's important to remove the mucus/phlegm before it turns into something worse. No one can tell me exactly what that worse would be... but if you think of hauking in a survival-of-the-fittest context, I would not evolve. I would just die off. And that's not cool.

So you think the Ancient Chinese Secret for ridding phlegm is hauking? WRONG. That's the harsh unnecessary unsanitary old school way. The aristocrats in Shanghai drink pig lung soup. Yes, you read it correctly... pig lung soup. Why would one need to hauk when there's plenty of pig lungs everywhere to consume! Be Chinese and don't waste any part of the animal, you know? Especially if it's medicinal, i.e. get rid of phlegm.

I did indeed boast to friends prior to my trip that I had planned to eat all the funky meats available (eg. dog, cat, raccoon, snake, whatever) in Shanghai and Hong Kong before returning to the US as a devout lacto-ovo-pesco vegetarian for the rest of 2009 after Chinese New Year.

Pig lung was not on my list of funky meats, but DBB said that it's good for eliminating mucus... he noticed my phlegmy cough once I arrived to his apartment in the French Concession. So I said what the heck. And you know what? It wasn't so bad. It tasted like bland gelatinous fat.

So I had the soup for lunch today at 4 pm. By 1 am this morning, the phlegm was gone! For real! It's crazy dude. The medicinal value of pig lung -- one of the many ancient Chinese secrets I will discover during my stay in the Motherland. I will share them with you all if you believe. But you must believe.

Pig Lung Soup yo -- Shanghai, China

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Jesus Christ Superstar

In celebration of Josh's belated birthday and Jesus's upcoming birthday, we went to see Jesus Christ Superstar -- the live musical. I watched the film version like 10 years ago and remember really enjoying it. I mean - the story of the new testament in song and dance... what can you not love? Now that I've seen the musical, however, I am surprised to feel that the movie was better.

I suppose it should be a treat to have Ned Steely perform our show. Ned is the original cast member who played Jesus in the original Broadway musical in 1970. But dude. Just look at the picture above. Grandpa Steely is an octogenarian trying to play a 32 years old Jesus. It was the most awful casting ever. The age difference was even more apparent when 70's electric guitar singer Ned sang in duets with Judas, who was played by a thirty-something African American gay man with a soulful R&B voice.

Speaking of Judas, who is my all-time favorite apostle as you all know, I had no idea that his dissension with Jesus was because his uncompromising dogma. Judas was a fucken ideologue dude. I always knew he was more than just a traitor, that his dissolution from Jesus was from a deeper disappointed place. But goddammit. Ideologues are so annoying. Still, I'm going to overlook what would normally be a fatal flaw. My admiration for Judas remains. He's still the best apostle ever. Judas was the only one who really questioned authority, even if the authority was the son of God. Peter, Paul and the rest... clearly Jesus' bitches.

"Oh yeah, I got a cool black guy to play me."

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Mandatory Quarantine

For the most part, I have been home-bound and isolated from the rest of society due to pink eye. The doctor said I'm highly contagious and should not return to work until Thursday. For a hardworking cheap chinese laborer like myself, three days away from work is a long ass time. Though I need the break so perhaps it's a blessing in disguise? Of course I worked remotely still. But calling into meetings wearing pajamas and without showering is somewhat gratifying to me. I think I enjoy working from home. I also learned that, if by any chance in the future or at Armageddon, I am detained and/or forced into mandatory quarantine or solitary confinement, I believe I can do it.

I entertained myself by baking cupcakes, watching back-to-back episodes of The Wire, gardening, flipping through magazines at Rite Aid, eating junk food, organizing my guestroom, napping, surfing channels and the internet for anything Blagojevich-related, reading about Michelle Obama. It is from reading her biography that I realize that Michelle and I have much in common. As if we are kindred spirits.

Both Michelle and I love Barack Obama. We are both public-interest minded lawyers. We both grew up in the South side of Chicago to working-class families. We both attended Whitney Young H.S. We both went to prestigious colleges. Michelle went to Princeton while I attended the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign (it's ranked #2 in the nation for engineering...). Michelle's senior thesis is entitled, "Princeton-Educated Blacks and the Black Community". This was the controversial thesis that caused people to call her a "black militant" just because she critiqued the lack of support and services for black students at Princeton.

Reading about this reminded me of the final paper I wrote for my Asian American Jurisprudence class in law school. I wrote about how the interests of Asian Americans were subordinated by the interests of other ethnic minorities in a perceived (or actual) zero-sum game manipulated by The Man. I used the LA Riots and the cabdriver situation in NYC as examples. Although I still stand by my arguments, I would be horrified to have my law school paper scrutinized and misinterpreted by like everyone. Totally, completely horrified. I remember having to do an all-nighter to write that paper because I had procrastinated all year. I would hate people to judge me on a paper I wrote when I was cracked out at 23 years old. Poor Michelle had to defend herself for something she wrote for a class in college at the age of 21.

Ten years later, I wonder where my paper is... and could it destroy me or my credibility? I assume one physical copy is with Professor Kang while an electronic copy is on a floppy disk somewhere. Maybe it won't resurface when I get my appointment from Obama? Let's hope.

My next post? Perhaps similarities with Gov. Rod Blagojevich? He and I probably have more in common actually.

PAY TO PLAY, BITCH! No one rides for free.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Pink Eye = WMDs

Yes, it is true. I have been slowly assembling an army of cybersoldiers in preparation for robot uprisings and armageddon in general. However, now that I have been demobilized by pink eye, I now believe I should assemble a guerrilla group of bio-terrorist combatants also. I would recruit my two nephews, who transferred the highly contagious virus to me by coughing indiscriminately in my food and my face, all the while staying cute and lovable, disarming me and my better judgment to maintain some distance away from their bio toxic germs. I can't believe I allowed those little fuckers to get me.

Since I am not as cute and lovable as my nephews, my friends are not as disarmed and have maintained their better judgment. Even though I promised not to cough into anyone's food or face, a couple of us made the right decision for me to leave a baby shower early and quarantine myself so I don't spread the infectious disease to the expecting mother and unborn child. In fact, there was another pregnant friend on the scene so I finally left because I couldn't bear the responsibility of something later going terribly wrong. It's not like you can deny spreading pink eye at a party when you're the only one with discharge oozing out of your eye sockets. Thank god I had my sunglasses on. Although no one could tell, I started feeling paranoid. I was reminded of a Bloodhound Gang episode (from 321 Contact) about pink eye. The story was about this school cafeteria employee who had contracted pink eye, yet neglected to wash her hands before she prepared sandwiches, causing a number of teenagers to become ill. She wore sunglasses the whole time to cover her itchy, irritated red eye. But the Bloodhound Gang found her habit of wearing sunglasses indoors, in a dark cafeteria, to be a bit odd. I don't remember exactly how the Bloodhound Gang busted her, but I do remember the moral of the story is to wash your hands frequently... and to never contract pink eye.

Twenty-five years later after watching such an important and informative show, it is clear I have not learned from my childhood lessons. Or perhaps bio-terrorists (ie. children) are far more powerful and deadlier than they were when I was growing up? All I know is that none of my peers growing up ever had pink eye or lice or mono or peanut allergies. But now I have one of the four. OMG. I need to assemble a guerrilla army as soon as possible! In the meantime, I will be an army of one and follow what this guy does.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Children say the darnest things

I heard some great one-liners this past weekend.

I attempted to engage in a conversation about Barack Obama with my 6 and 4 years old nephews. If Auntie loves Obama, the nephews surely will also.

So I described to them how Sasha and Malia are going to get a new dog when they move to the White House.

Christopher announces, "I want to get a new dog. But we have to wait for these (points to dogs Gabby and Sally) to die first."

Nice. Good to know he's a honest little fucker.

I offered to eat the dogs but the boys then shrieked like little girls. Little tortured girls. It didn't sound good.

Then while we started to over-decorate the tree...

...and were looking for hooks to clip the ornaments...

... Elliot announces, "I NEED A HOOKER!"

Awesome. Good to know he's a degenerate like Auntie.

And finally, Christopher makes a racial remark. It's kind of funny so it's okay. Plus, he's just a child. He doesn't know better.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Quote of the Day

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
— Dolly Parton

Another Silent Auction!!

So I'll be attending yet another industry event tonight... a fundraiser for the Coalition of Asian Pacifics in Entertainment. I am going as a guest of Fox's diversity department and will be sitting next to.... BOBBY LEE... and JOHN CHO!! I'm pretty stoked.

But I also learned that there will be another silent auction tonight! I still haven't paid for my Krav Maga lessons, so I doubt I will participate. Or maybe I should? Here are the prizes I'm considering to bid on:
  • Custom Hello Kitty Electric Guitar plus accessories (oh yeah!)
  • The Sword of Hiro from HEROES (for protection during Armageddon)
  • Framed autographed poster from House (for sister)
  • 25th anniversary Star Trek Wrath of Khan ship to be signed by George Takei (Might need this ship for Armageddon as well)

Saturday, November 29, 2008

I played Wii for the first time ever

Instead of participating in Black Friday this year, and potentially risk my life being trampled by crazy mad shoppers like that poor seasonal employee at Wal-mart, I used my time and energy to further my study of virtual reality. I played Wii Sports. Specifically, I bowled, boxed and played tennis. I also raced riding a cow and shot targets in the air. Not all at once, mind you. That's not even possible in virtual reality, at least not yet.

This is what I learned. I am a much better athlete in virtual reality. I bowled a 114. And my backhand in tennis is awesome. I wasn't very good at boxing, but I think that's because I'm a pacificist, unlike JaneInsane who continued to knock me out even when I was down (ie. I didn't know how to use the controls, not that she cared as she continued to punch me to a pulp). Also, I'm a pretty good cow rider.

What was encouraging is that playing sports on Wii inspired me to play these sports in real life. After virtual bowling, I wanted to really bowl. And after virtual tennis, I pledged to myself that I'm going to play more tennis in 2009. But I wonder, do others have this same feeling of inspiration to pause playing virtual reality and play reality reality? I assume not. I mean, if you're really good at Wii, why would you want to suck in real life? We all want to be winners. For example, I hardly exceed a score of 100 in real-life bowling. So you can imagine my elation when I bowled several spares and strikes in Wii. What would happen to my newly-developed confidence when I put on those tri-colored shoes and hit those lanes? Why would any kid who excels at Wii would want to participate in the sport in real life, especially if they lack true athletic skills like myself?

The "W" in Wii stands for "Winner". There's no W in "Reality".

Is that fucken deep or what?

Another message to me from the Obama-Biden Administration

Dear DYY, Thank you for submitting your application to serve in the Obama-Biden Administration. As you can imagine, we are receiving thousands of applications during the transition process. We will initially be focused on the most senior positions in the Administration. If you do not hear from us for several weeks or months, please do not think we have lost your information. You may update your application at any time by clicking on the link below and using the email address you entered on your application as your login. We will receive and record the changes you make.Thank you again for your interest.

Cross your fingers for me, bitches!

Friday, November 28, 2008

Holiday Update

I'm up north visiting my family for the holidays. So once again, I must be wholesome and pure. That is why I'm wearing a pilgrim hat and showing off pilgrim art, both made by my younger nephew Elliot. Part of being wholesome and pure is immersing in the holiday spirit. For reasons I never quite understood, celebrating Christmas the day after Thanksgiving is a tradition in America. And what is good for America is good for my family. We shall not be exempt from such celebrations.
Here we are at Downtown San Jose. We were suppose to go ice skating, but the rink was closed. So were all the children's rides and the public library. Yes, Downtown San Jose was booty overall. But we still remained in the holiday spirit and took pictures with the many Christmas decorations scattered throughout the main street.

Here is a Christmas tree decorated with pictures of missing children. Above each picture is the word "VANISHED".
Um, can you say downer?

And here is a lovely nativity scene. But where is Baby Jesus? He must be VANISHED. Perhaps we'll find his picture in the tree above...

We celebrated a little bit of Christmas at home too. We assembled this gingerbread house puzzle and glued the pieces together.
There's glitter on the puzzle too, but you may not be able to see it in the photo. We also put together a glow-in-the-dark dinosaur puzzle, but it kind of got messed up when we tried gluing the pieces together. I doubt we're going to fix it. With young boys and an ADD aunt, we've moved on to other activities.
Activities such as Jenga and Twister. The boys liked them okay. I think they'll like them better when they get a little older. I can't wait. So instead we focused on some wooden toys I had also purchased for them. I added a couple of stickers to each and they insisted to add more. How awesome is that?!

Here is Christopher's helicopter:
Also to my delight, the boys have learned to make funny faces!
Speaking of toys and funny faces, I'm going to take this moment to digress for a bit... can someone please explain this to me?
There are two big shelves of stuffed bears at my sister's friend's home where we celebrated Thanksgiving this year. I don't mean to be disrespectful, since she fed me and all, but I just don't get it. I mean, I have seen and heard of adults having huge collections of dolls and stuff animals, but I just don't get it. Of course I had to inquire about her collection. They are specialty bears from all around the world. I certainly appreciate the diversity, but it's a little strange, right? I guess I shouldn't poo poo it during this time of wholesomeness and purity. I presume a collection of stuff animals is part of that. Indeed I complimented her bears and smiled cordially in the most purest and wholesome way, supressing my naturally sarcastic thoughts. See, I'm all about the holidays yo.

Now back to funny faces... Happy Holidays!!