What's wong with my Engrish?

This ad haunted me throughout my travels in NYC.

Culture Clash taught me to speak like a Vato

I just found the program for Culture Clash's latest production, Water & Power under a pile of junk mail. Tonk and I were fortunate to get tickets to the final show of the production at the Mark Taper Forum in downtown a couple of weeks ago. Although not as impressed with the actual performance, I was tickled to find a glossary in the program filled with Spanish slang that both Gringos and Chinos can appreciate.

Here are my favorites. I took the liberty to mix and match words and phrases:

Poquito mas mota -- A little more marijuana
Poquito mas gavachita -- A little more little white girl
Poquito mas pedo -- A little more drunkenness and/or trouble
Callate, Viejita! -- Shut up, Old Lady!
Clamate, Chavala! -- Calm down, Little Girl
Poquito mas cabeza, Chavala! -- A little more head, Little Girl
Que casualidad, que curioso -- What a coincidence, how strange (this is an actual phrase from the program booklet)

Oh how I love learning other languages. But in retrospect, I should have went to the Banksy exhibit which happened to have ended that same Sunday.

Check out the controversially painted Elephant in the Room:

I'm ambivalent about the elephant issue. It's such a beautiful art piece with a meaningful message. During the show, cards were handed out explaining: "There's an elephant in the room. There's a problem we never talk about. The fact is that life isn't getting any fairer…. 20 billion people live below the poverty line." On the other hand, I could see why animal activists were upset. Although nontoxic, the paint was unsafe and illegal to be used in such a manner. Plus, there was a huge crowd and it was very hot for the elephant.

Despite this, Banksy is cool as hell. His graffitti art has been all over LA. He's very anti-corporate, anti-government, yet his art is not didactic or obvious. It's actually very artful. It makes you think but not too hard. Just the way I like it.

So Banksy's just as political as Cultural Clash, but different. You should check out both websites that I conveniently included in my entry above (especially Banksy's).

Me entiendes, Chingadera? You get me, you piece of crap?

Si? Sabes! Palabra.

English-only bullshit

English would be declared the "national language" of the United States under a measure the Senate approved Thursday, a move that supporters said would promote unity and encourage assimilation by immigrants. The measure would establish that people have no right or entitlement to ask government officials to provide services or materials in other languages, unless authorized by law.

I don't understand why so many White Americans are threatened by other cultures and languages. It's not like limited-English speaking individuals have tons of power. They are not a threat. Immigrants are not de-unifying America.

My father, Yip Yee, can hardly speak, read or understand English, but he is a good citizen. He pays his taxes. He votes. He raised his children to be law-abiding (well, some of them...) and morally responsible. His kids speak perfect English, even better than Chinese. He taught us to value our education and opportunities, because there would be no chance in hell we would have received the same opportunities if my family didn't immigrate to America.

Yip Yee was able to do all this by leaving his beloved home country, away from all his friends and family and his culture, to come a foreign and intimidating country with little money and resources. He worked nearly everyday for the past 40 years, from morning to night, as a chef with no benefits and on wages that "real" Americans would never work for. He never received any public benefits, and never asked for hand-outs. At 70 years old, he continues to work even though he should clearly be retired.

Now you tell me when would my dad have had a chance to learn English? Do you think he should have gone to English language school after he worked 14 hours a day? Do you think he should have sacrificed the limited time he had to spend with his children so that he could study his English language books? Do you think he should have spent his hard earned dollars on English classes than spend it on diapers for his babies, or tuition for his kids?

These English-only proponents need a wake-up call. This measure would clearly divide America. It's unrealistic and places an extra burden on already struggling immigrants. But I know the truth... these English-only fucks really don't give a shit. I wish they would stop posturing it's about unity. I hate how the right has appropriated good concepts and has used it as a pretext for evil. They make me wanna throw up.

SSB the Re-mix

Nuestro Himno ('Our Anthem')
Amanece, lo veis?, a la luz de la aurora?
lo que tanto aclamamos la noche caer?
sus estrellas sus franjas
flotaban ayer
en el fiero combate
en señal de victoria,
fulgor de lucha, al paso de la libertada.
Por la noche decían:
"Se va defendiendo!"
Oh decid! Despliega aún
Voz a su hermosura estrellada,
sobre tierra de libres,
la bandera sagrada?
Sus estrellas, sus franjas,
la libertad, somos iguales.
Somos hermanos, en nuestro himno.
En el fiero combate en señal de victoria,
Fulgor de lucha, al paso de la libertada.
Mi gente sigue luchando.
Ya es tiempo de romper las cadenas.
Por la noche decían: "!Se va defendiendo!"
Oh decid! Despliega aún su hermosura estrellada
sobre tierra de libres,
la bandera sagrada?
-------------------------------------------------
Our Anthem
By the light of the dawn, do you see arising,
what we proudly hailed at twilight's last fall?
Its stars, its stripes yesterday streamed
above fierce combat a gleaming emblem of victory
and the struggle toward liberty.
Throughout the night, they proclaimed:
"We will defend it!"
Tell me! Does its starry beauty still wave
above the land of the free,
the sacred flag?
Its stars, its stripes,
liberty, we are the same.
We are brothers in our anthem.
In fierce combat, a gleaming emblem of victory
and the struggle toward liberty.
My people fight on.
The time has come to break the chains.
Throughout the night they proclaimed, "We will defend it!"
Tell me! Does its starry beauty still wave
above the land of the free, the sacred flag?

Star Spangled Banner in Spanish

The release of ``Nuestro Himno,'' which means ``Our Anthem", features artists such as Wyclef Jean, Carlos Ponce and Olga Tanon. As exciting as this collaboration sounds (not!), the song's release coincides with a planned May 1 national boycott in support of immigration reforms. President Bush said Friday that he doesn't support boycotts and believes the national anthem should be sung in English and not Spanish.

Oh how I cringed when I heard that.

My neck still hurts from that cringe too.

Anyway, Tonkhero and I had a debate about the issue this morning. Although he doesn't have some weird patriotic objection to the song being sung in Spanish, he feels it's un-strategic for the movement, and may turn off or distract potential supporters and allies from the real issues at hand.

I agree that the Spanish version of the Star Spangled Banner may not solve anti-immigrant legislation, but I find the act very symbolic and powerful. The Spanish SSB salutes to a multicultural, multi-lingual America. In fact, when I think of the music video for the Spanish SSB, I see little children from all over the world, in different shapes and colors, linked together holding hands across America (with Wyclef swaying on a cloud). It's all one love.

You know, I would be ecstatic if a group of limited English speakers wanted to translate one of my songs into their respective language, so that millions of them and others could sing it... and to sing it with pride. I would be honored. These English-only Americans are fools.

Also, when did English speakers own the rights to SSB? I would think SSB is public domain by now.

We're not losing our voices!

It tickled my fancy today to discover that yesterday's article in the LA Times about the "dying" dialect of Cantonese made it to the MOST EMAILED STORIES section. It's no wonder why. Not only did I forward the link to all my Canto homies in LA (plus BF who needs to learn more about my people) but everyone and their grandmas forwarded the link to me! I felt oddly proud. I did kinda hope that the article would make the section. But I can't tell if I'm proud due to the mass exposure and interest of the article (and, therefore, my people) or that my friends read the paper...

The mass forwards triggered several interesting conversations, mostly about the reverie of our tongue. Like how Cantonese is so vibrant and colorful. Edgy. How no other language or dialect has the variety of slang we have. And thanks to the article, my long-standing belief that Mandarin is a dialect closer to royalty is FALSE. Mandarin was simplified by the Communist government for the proletariat class, which is nice and sweet. Very egalitarian. However, Cantonese is a far superior dialect. Sorry.

As a courtesy, Joe Mak emailed us words of wisdom and knowledge to share with our kin and future generations to ensure that we never, ever lose our voices:

Diu Lei Lo Mo (fuck your mother)
Lei Lo Mo Hi (your mother's pussy)
Lo Mo Chow Hi (mother's stinky pussy)
Diu Gow Chow Hi (fucking stinking pussy)
Hui Sei A Lei (go and die)
Lei Go Lun Yeung (your dick face)
Yak See Lun Yeung (eat shit dick face)