Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Ode to the Golden Globes

Here is my tribute to the Golden Globes, even though I didn't see it and never watch this crap, unless it's the Grammy's or MTV Music Awards.
Scarlett Johansson didn't even win a globe, but that didn't stop you pervs from circulating her pictures over 500 times via the world wide web. Perhaps because she came with her own globes??
(I'm just talking shit. Scarlett is beautiful and did a phenomenal job playing a sexy American mistress of the protagonist in Match Point. You should see this movie if you haven't. It's a disturbing story by one of my favorites, Woody Allen... and Scarlett is HOT in it.)

You go, boy!

And finally, to commemorate Memoirs of a Geisha... which I haven't seen and do not plan to see. Not even on video. I would like to support the Asian performers, especially the talented and lovely Zhang Ziyi and Gong Li, but I can't. The story is so gross... why would I want to see some white man's racist and misogynist fantasy on the big screen? It's the same shit. I propose that Hollywood produces a fantasy of mine -- a gorgeous white man with lots of money falls madly in love with me while I continuously ignore him. He finally decides he cannot live without my love and kills himself, bequeathing all his riches and wealth to me. I squander the money on designer clothes and accessories, drugs and mah jong. When the money is all gone, I marry the local baker Mr. Wong's son and live happily ever after, with nary a thought of him.

Oh, and here's a friendly public service announcement: Japanese women cannot physically have blue eyes. It's just not possible.

But here's a geisha I would be down with... our local hero, Bobby Lee.
Check out his hilarious skit.


blu-tooth said...

ouch ouch ouch... thats a bit rough.. but I like the leftover money to marry the baker. But why the local baker and not the local butcher? Are we PMSING?

DYY said...

Hmm... good suggestion, Blu-Tooth... butchers do make more money, and then i can have all the BBQ pork and duck that I desire!