Friends for Judas

Do you remember my pal, Judas?

For a long while, his only friends (beside me) were:

Buddha

Ganesh

Lady of Guadalupe

They even dated for a while, but she broke up with him because... well, let's just say, she wasn't quite satisfied...

and last but not least,

Pure White, but his dirty ass moved to NYC.

So Judas' social support network has diminished quite a bit. Fortunately, Wal-Mart has come to the rescue. This month, Wal-Mart stores nationwide will begin carrying faith-based toys from One2believe that target parents who would rather that their kids play with a Samson action figure than a Spider-Man action figure.

Hey, maybe Judas and Jesus can make amends now...

Oooh, perhaps a new girlfriend for the Big J?

Can someone please buy me the Moses doll? It's awesome. By the way, is it me or Moses has crossed eyes? Dude, even better.

Believe or not...

DYY with child??

A Lowenbrau Moment

Balcony view from Parks BBQ on Vermont
Photo by Mr. T

During a toast for Jane's birthday, I felt a fleeting moment of:

Here's to Good Friends..
Tonight is Kind of Special...

But I totally forgot the rest of the lyrics. I knew it was a beer commercial though. In fact, I pictured a group of teenagers drinking this mysterious beverage by the fire at a ski lodge. And two lumberjacks at a random hillbilly bar, clicking their beer bottles to toast their secret love for one another. Do you remember? Or am I making this up? I can't be sure. Anyway, it was Calvin who said "Lowenbrau" after I recited the first two lines.

Calvin was like, Have you ever tasted Lowenbrau? I was like, No.

So I found the rest of the lyrics on rockin' Wiki.

In the 1970s and 1980s in the United States, Löwenbräu was famous for its jingle, sung by Arthur Prysock:

Here's to good friends,

Tonight is kind of special.

The beer we'll pour

must say something more, somehow.

So tonight (tonight),

Tonight,

Let it be Lowenbrau (let it be Lowenbrau).

It's been so long.

Hey, I'm glad to see ya.

Raise your glass.

Here's to health and happiness.

So tonight (tonight),

Let it be all the best.

Special Celebrity Sighting

I come back from lunch and guess who I see in front of my office building?

That's right... it's fucken Borat, bitches! Thank god I had my camera with me as I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Sasha Baron Cohen and should have asked to take a picture with him but he was surrounded by his crew... and I was timid around his majestic presence.

Here's a picture of Borat's ass... I like!

Remember the Corey's?

Damn! Here's my one and only advice to white people:
SAY NO TO DRUGS! For real.

Just want to share a pretty picture of the girls

This picture was taken last summer, almost exactly one year ago, circa 2006. We were out for Min's birthday... and she has another crazy one coming up! We need to remember to take another group picture, in the exact same order if possible.

Proof that Tron arrived in China

He brought his girlfriends with him!

The worst summer flooding in years has claimed more than 400 lives and wreaked billions of dollars in damage in central China. Here in the villages around Dongting Lake, rising waters have brought a plague of biblical proportions: an invasion of 2 billion mice.

Tron emerges from China

Tron provided the group with an update on his adventures in Shanghai. Here is an excerpt, because I think it is funny.

so many stories but one of the gems that harkim took us to was this place called "movie world" where you can get cheap pirated dvd's. but we didn't end up going there, we went to the store across the street called "even better than movie world", because you know.. it's even better! literally across the street from the other place! that's some pure fucking chinese shit man. i mean you know you're in china when people sound like they're totally arguing, but you know they aren't because they're really just having a regular conversation. total switch from japan where it's like pretty quiet everywhere and you can't answer your cell phone on the bus or train.

That is really some pure fucking Chinese shit... I love it!

How to Tell If a Woman Really Loves You

Don't you love it when you search the web for one thing, and then find something else totally weird and random?

HOW TO TELL IF A WOMAN REALLY LOVES YOU

She has eyes only for you. You can tell if your woman really loves you when many hunky and sexy men surround you but she doesn't take a second to even look at any of them. She gives you her full attention by showing eye contact, smiling and facing her body towards you.

She answers your calls. You know if a woman is interested when she answers your calls every time. It is a wonderful sign if she also answers the phone by the second ring. You may find yourself spending hours on the phone talking and giggling with her about life.

She agrees to meet with you every time you ask her out. She wouldn't love you if she didn't want to see you as much as you want to see her.

She wants to go places and do things. She is not ashamed to be out in public with you. She wants to explore the world with you and do fun activities. For example, going to the movies, out to dinner, to a concert or amusement park.

She does things for you. She invests energy in pleasing and making you feels happy. For example, she will bake you cookies, invite you over for dinner or offers to rub your back.

She flirts with you. You can tell if she loves you when she constantly laughs at everything you say, touches you frequently and gives you that special look of love.

She wants to date only you. You know she is serious about you when she has verbally asked if dating each other can be exclusive. You are number one to her and all the other men in the world mean nothing.

She tells you "I love you." You can't get more straightforward than this. When she tells you those three special words she wants to take the relationship a little farther and get more serious.

SORRY, BUT WHOEVER WROTE THIS IS A DOUCHE BAG.

Amen

Make your own church sign!

In other news...

So many things happening in the world today. So many things I would love to write about. And what do I choose to feature?

Castleberry's Hot Dog Chili Sauce is linked to BOTULISM. Four people were hospitalized as a result, but are expected to live despite debilitating symptoms, such as double or blurred vision, drooping eyelids, slurred speech, difficulty swallowing, dry mouth and muscle weakness that moves down the body, leading to eventual paralysis that can cause a person to stop breathing and die, unless supported by a ventilator.

That is truly fucked up. To endure all that just because you wanted to spice up your hot dog. Stick to ketchup and mustard yo. Peace.

My apologies

Sorry y'all. Just busy with life. It's all good. Will post more real soon.

I just posted on Grub Club though. Enjoy!

When dreams come true

This is one of DBB's contributions to the upcoming 2008 Olympics!

Weekend story #2

Lady Pun in deep thoughts...

So a few of us hiked the trail at Bear Canyon in the San Gabriel Mountains today. It was an intense five hour hike, mainly due to the heat and lack of water on the return back. But like usual, Mother Earth is absolutely beautiful and wondrous so it's all good.

As we migrate toward the creek, we pass a group of older Asian people, maybe in their 50's or 60's, sitting at a picnic bench. There are about four men and two women. We pass them and say hello, even kind of bow our heads a little because, you know, we're taught to respect our elders. Then one of the men says with a smirk (and speaks only to the woman in our group, by the way), "Hey, are you going swimming? Did you pack your swimsuits? Let's see your swimsuits!"

We continue walking, speechless and of course grossed out.

Fuck! We were totally disarmed by their race and age. I hate when that happens.

Weekend story #1

Art near restrooms...

On Friday we met this dude at Mandrake who owns this denim company called UBI Jeans. His name is Ubi in fact and it's short for "ubiquitous" he tells us. As UBI specializes in women's jeans, Ubi says, "My job is to make your ass look good." I say, oh yeah? So you must have names for different categories of asses? He says yes. I turn around and stick my ass out and say, what would you call this ass? Without hesitation, he says JUICY!

Hilarious.

I respond, right on. Then I ask him to label Lady Pun's. He immediately says BA-DONK-KA-DONK!

And for readers unfamiliar with Lady Pun's ass, let's just say, the description is perfect!

Just wanna say wassup

Thanks to Thomas for giving me the giggles on a Friday afternoon...

Farewell Little Brother

He's first off to Asia, then back to Calgary.
I'm going to miss the little pervert.

Seven years in Los Scandelous. It's an end of an era.

Happy Father's Day

to YIP YEE, the best father in the world. And I'm not saying this because he's my dad. He really is. Look it up if you don't believe me.

Peace out to all the big poppas out there!

Stay Tuned

Hi everyone. I´m in Lima, Peru right now so I have limited access to a computer. I´m going to be in Lima for four more days, then off hiking the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu. I promise to give reports when I can. Until then, hasta luego baby!

Bay 2 Breaker Bitches

So I've received inquiries all day about this year's Bay to Breakers and, of course, about our outfits. Although tamer than I prefer (I think we only saw 2 naked guys), it was fun walking around SF and breathing fresh air. The trees are gorgeous in Golden Gate Park. And we looked pretty fucken crazy:



But sometimes pictures alone cannot describe the mood of an occasion. Fortunately, a video can:

TGIF

Thanks to Min who forwarded this video that made me say DAMN out loud! I know it's wrong, but I couldn't help it...

My Wednesday nights are free again!

I just finished watching the latest season of America's Next Top Model. It was so, so delightful.

However, I am a little disappointed at the Season Finale, which I initially thought would be 2 hours long. They announced JASLENE as the winner at the end of the first hour and then One Tree Hill started. Yeah, I felt a little jipped. Regardless, it was a good series.

Jaslene is a good pick. I am happy for her. She's the first ever Latina Top Model. And she's from Chicago. But, honestly, I was rooting for the Russian girl. I don't know what it is... there's something about Natasha that I really like. I would have reveled in her win more.

Alas, Tyra and her crew made their decision. Fortunately I trust Tyra and her crew to choose America's Next Top Model. They take their roles as judges very, very seriously.

I too take Top Model very seriously. I missed only one episode this season. And I made that episode up by watching it on-line at the official CW website. I have also searched for past episodes on youtube. During one of my searches, I found this gem:

Mother's Day

This is the second year in a row that I spent Mother's Day with Lady Simzie, as my sassy mother (pictured above) is in Chicago and I'm in LA and that's how it goes. Single tear...

Still, it is very uncharacteristic of DYY not to celebrate a holiday. Thank god that Lady Simzie is a mom, so at least we can celebrate in her honor.

Here's Nihkil, wearing the SAG shirt I bought for him! We're chillaxing at Santa Monica Beach.
Baby #2 (Jovan Joseph maybe?) is due in July. With one baby and another in tow, Lady Simzie is still the hottest MILF I know.

I know you agree.

Happy Mother's Day to all MILFS. You bitches are hot.

Now a moment for our sponsors

I have both good news and bad news.

The bad news first.

The new energy drink COCAINE (as featured in a past posting) has been pulled from stores nationwide amid concerns about its name... despite that the drink contains no drugs unfortunately. The FDA cited as evidence the drink's labeling and Web site, which included the statements "Speed in a Can," "Liquid Cocaine" and "Cocaine -- Instant Rush."

You would think the FDA would be busy investigating and preventing the contamination of pet food rather than poo poo-ing on a company's first amendment rights. But I guess I'm wrong.


Now for the good news.

Filmmaker John Woo is presenting a new video game called Stranglehold (one of the sponsors of the VC Film Fest) that features no other but Chow Yun Fat and it looks GOOD. Coming in Summer 2007, it will be available for next-gen video game consoles. I don't know what that means, but it sounds hot. I doubt I can play it on my Sony Playstation from 1998 though. Drat.

The tagline for the video game is as follows:

Honor is his code.
Vengeance is his mission.
Bloodshed is his only option.

Dude, it sounds like such a classic John Woo film, it's awesome!

Although Min is blocking the goods...

You get the picture. Ron Jeremy in da house!

Opening Night of Visual Communications Film Fest 2007

Be a Member! Pretty please! And type into the Special Instructions Box that DYY coerced you!

Alec Baldwin's kid ain't a selfish pig...

The Cops are! Well, maybe that little skank is too...

On May Day in LA's Macarthur Park:



In NYC:



No violence in Chicago... thank god!

Chinese Colonel Sanders

Straight from the Tidbits of VICE Magazine: We like the Chinese version of Colonel Sanders because he doesn’t come across as a kind of racist version of Orville Redenbacher. Not that old Chinese guys can’t be racist. They’re just way cuter about it.

Happy May Day!!

To all the workers of the world, I toast this day to you!

I wish I could participate in the rallies today, but I am too busy working for the workers. Ya know?

Enjoy

A description from youtube:

DJ Shadow was keen to try something new and different for this video and approached Wong Kar-Wai, one of his favorite filmmakers. It turned out that Kar-Wai was a fan of Shadow's music and was keen to direct for him. The idea was to make a short film revolving around the song's hook line, "Tomorrow never comes until it's too late...." The plot centers around a guy who, upon discovering his girlfriend has betrayed him, tries to destroy all traces of their relationship, eventually realizing that what is done cannot be undone.

Double Happiness

On Saturday, I went to two wedding parties. Can you believe it? Double weddings in one night. Despite the agonizing thought, I actually had lots of fun. Christy and Peter exchanged vows at the City Club on the 54th floor of the Wells Fargo Building in Downtown, where we were very fortunate to receive free mouthwash in the restrooms. It shoots out from a dispenser. Can you say, swanky? I can. Here's Lady Pun and I doing a toast of peppermint mouthwash for the new husband and wife, who by the way, are so lovely. I am so happy for them. They're honeymooning in Italy right now. Fucken bitches.

The good spirits followed me to Khanum and Syed's wedding party in Mount Washington, at yet another fancy location. A rich and very generous friend's house. The new bride and groom looked stunning, as always. And as always, they partied Bollywood style -- johnnie walker, bhangra and tons of samosas. But no mouthwash.

Finally, I can't even attempt to broach the subject of weddings without giving a proper SHOUT OUT to CuzzieND who married her man in September 2006. Yeah, I'm kind of late in my reporting. Sorry, girl. But check it. We're going to re-live the moment through pictures.

This is my favorite picture of them. They're like, What?

My parents, YY and WYY (Wife of Yip Yee).
You can't tell, but they were ECSTATIC to be at my cousin's wedding.
I couldn't calm their excitement.

Here's Cuzzie after she changed into her Chinese wedding dress. Meow!

Happy Four Twenty!

Sunglasses

Last night, I went to this old-school Mexican bar/club in downtown that hosts "Hipster Thursdays." That's what I call it anyway. Despite this, the club played this song. It was brilliant.

The Warm on Terror

A government-funded report issued last week by a group of retired U.S. generals and admirals says global warming is a security risk. The Military Advisory Board says climate change "can act as a threat multiplier," with severe weather and drought leading to mass migrations, battles over food and water, and the spread of disease. Noting that conflicts in places like Darfur and Somalia began with drought and other resource shortages, the report urges the U.S. to "commit to a stronger national and international role to help stabilize climate changes at levels that will avoid significant disruption to global security and stability." It also says military bases in some areas are vulnerable to rising seas. Former Army chief of staff Gen. Gordon R. Sullivan says he has moved from skeptic to believer: "The trends are not good, and if I just sat around in my former life as a soldier, if I just waited around for someone to walk in and say, 'This is with 100 percent certainty,' I'd be waiting forever."

I'm metamorphosing into a hippie

I have been fearful of this. But it's slowly and unwittingly becoming my reality.

I was super EXCITED to receive Dr. Bronner's magic soap as a gift from Tonkhero, after I expressed my desire to also have a complexion of a fifteen year old girl. Read about the soap's organic ingredients that support and encourage sustainable argriculture, ecological processing methods and fair trade. Also, Dr. Bronner's missive on social responsibility is a must-read. He seems a bit crazy, but the man makes sense to me.

Then, instead of my standard fare of alcoholic beverages and/or store-bought goodies, I made a hippie dippie casserole for Minnie Mouse's potluck this weekend. The ingredients include... (drum roll, please)... mashed sweet potatoes, ground soy mixed with vegetables and organic nonfat plain yogurt, and organic refried black beans with organic gouda cheese sprinkled on top.

What is happening to me?? HELP!!

Beware of FLOPS

How can I write about new animals without discussing FLOPS?!?!

A couple of weekends ago, I returned to Anza Borrengo to celebrate Tonkhero's birthday. The celebratory event turned out to be a weekend of discovery and learning, especially about the negative effects of global warming. Let me introduce you to a FLOP:


Don't even try. You ain't going to find any information about a FLOP in the world wide web. FLOPS are an entirely new species, a by-product of global warming actually. Since we were the first to discover FLOPS, we took the liberty to name them (thanks to the Lady Pun) as well as study them on behalf of the human race. Just remember you learned it here first.

What is it?
A FLOP is the retarded mutant cousin of a fruit fly, a little insect about 3mm long. While fruit flies live and prosper in moist areas, the FLOP lives in the arid dry heat of the desert. Because there is not enough water in the desert for FLOPS to survive, their total life expectancy last only 3 hours.

Life cycle of a Flop
The flop egg is about half a millimeter long. It takes about ten minutes after fertilization for the embryo to develop and hatch into a worm-like larva that flies! The larva eats and grows continuously, molting one minute, two minutes, and four minutes after hatching (first, second and third instars). After six minutes as a third instar larva, it molts one more time to form a pupa. Over the next hour, the body is completely remodeled to give the adult winged form, which then hatches from the pupal case and lives for 3 hours.

Research on Flops
There is none. Until now.

We discovered that flops are extremely complex organisms. Embryonic development is where most of the attention is concentrated, but there is also a great deal of interest in how various adult structures develop in the pupa, mostly focused on the development of the compound eye, but also on the wings, legs and other organs.

We observed:

(1) Since Flops have a short life expectancy, they love to get together and party. They roll deep and fly around like it's 1999.

(2) Flops are harmless and good-intentioned, but extremely annoying and relentless, and tend to occupy more space than appreciated by humans. But they can't really help it. There are like billions and billions of them. Kind of like Chinese people.

(3) Essentially, flops are all over the place -- your clothes, your food, all over your body. We felt anxious about the flops, especially the small larvae ones, flying into our noses and ears. I think they got stuck in my hair and chilled in the crevices of my body.

Below are some campers who tried to shield themselves away from the flops:

It was a futile attempt. You can't tell from the picture because my camera only has 3.2 mega pixels, but the flops were all over these ladies, and the lenses of my camera. Too bad the flops are so small we couldn't capture them in this photo. If you saw how many flops were flying around, you would be kind of disgusted.

(4) But interestingly, you don't get disgusted. Flops are clean insects that do not spread germs... yet. We predict that future generations of flops may carry deadly diseases as their immune systems get stronger, and they become far more physically and intellectually superior than humans.

DON'T LET FLOPS DOMINATE THE WORLD.

STOP GLOBAL WARMING NOW.

New animals in my consciousness

I spent this past weekend in Northern California, celebrating my girl Christy's status as a bride-to-be. And since I was in the area, I visited my family in San Jose and celebrated a non-sectarian Easter with them. The weekend was fun and lovely. Thank you for asking.

What got excited me over the weekend was the new creatures now in my consciousness. For example, on route to Sebastopol (I know, right?) for our new age-y spa treatments, a huge bird that I swear looked like a turkey flew low above our car. I was like, is that a turkey? No one in the car knew. Finally when we arrived at the farm house (I know, right?) to meet Christy and company, another bird of its kind flew above us and Christy announced, "Oh, there's another turkey vulture." I was like, no way! They're actually called turkey vultures! Cool.

To learn more about our new feathered friends, check out this website full of fun facts about turkey vultures, thanks to the Turkey Vulture Society (I know, right?).

On Monday, I went with my sister and the boys to the Monterey Bay Aquarium in, you guessed it, Monterey, CA.

Aquarium photos beautifully taken with love by DYY

I love aquariums! So do my nephews!

I was so excited to learn that the MBA just developed a new sea otter exhibit too!

As you may know from my last trip to Washington state, sea otters became one of my all-time favorite animals. They're just so adorable.

But the creature that stole the show were... the jellyfishes!

I am embarrassed to admit that I don't think I have ever seen a live jellyfish. I now realize that not only do they serve as a super tasty treat in dim sum and other fine cuisines, they are beautiful too!

Here's a close-up picture of one. Isn't it exquisite?

Here's a picture of a group of white ones in front of a black background.
They are very photogenic.

Lastly, here is a cool picture I took of a school of sardines.

I can watch schools of fish swim around a tank all day. It must be the psychedelic stoner in me.

Once again...

Sexism is ignored and subordinated to racism.

As I'm sure you all know, shock jock Don Imus is busted by the public for calling members of the Rutgers women's basketball team "some nappy-headed hos."

The National Association of Black Journalists has demanded the immediate firing of the "Imus in the Morning" host. On Monday, the Rev. Jesse Jackson led a 50 person protest in Chicago outside of NBC's offices demanding his dismissal. Al Sharpton denounced the comment on his syndicated radio show as "racist" and "abominable," adding: "You should be fired for saying it."

I even overheard the women on THE VIEW talk about it while I was doing my taxes at my sister's house. They spoke about how such racial remarks can really affect each of the player's self-image. After all, they're just students.

As a double minority, I am proud when a community of color stands in solidarity against racial slurs and stereotypes, and demands accountability. I love it actually. But time and time again, and particularly in this situation, I am disappointed with that same community of color, as well as the feminist community, for hardly addressing the disparaging sexist comment made in the same breath. In fact, Imus' executive producer, Bernard McGuirk, called the team "some hard-core hos" before Imus made his stupid comment. Yet no one is asking McGuirk to resign. Believe me, if Imus never added the "nappy-headed" and just called the players "hos", there would be no news. Imus would still be on the air today, feeling secure and happy about his job and making misogynist remarks, without anyone feeling offended.

Thank you for "A Christmas Story"

Director Bob Clark, who is well known for directing the films A Christmas Story, Black Christmas, and Porky's, has died after being involved in a car crash outside of Los Angeles on Wednesday, April 4. Both he and his 22-year-old son died after their vehicle collided head-on with an SUV of a drunk driver veering into Clark's lane.

Rest in peace, my friend. "A Christmas Story" is genius and one of my favorite films. It made me appreciate sarcasm on another level. And for that I am forever grateful.

Disturbing or Endearing... you decide!

"The strangest thing I've tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father," said Keith Richards, the 63 year old Rolling Stones guitarist who was was quoted in comments published by British music magazine NME on Tuesday.

"He was cremated and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn't have cared," he said. "... It went down pretty well, and I'm still alive."

Kikikikiki

Update on Struvites

This is an email to my co-workers in response to "Hey, have you heard from xxx yet?"

So after being ignored for several weeks, I call xxx and demand a status on my claim. Fortunately I have been sufficiently trained by our members on how to make such a request.

The Senior Claims Manager regrettably informs me that my struvite samples got LOST on route to the Quality Assurance Department. Like most urine samples, I guess the struvites eventually decomposed and evaporated into thin air.

The SCM then asks for my last sample (still in an air-tight envelope in my possession). I said NO WAY! Then she suggests that I conduct home experiments to determine the nature of the substance. She suggests:

• Examine the substance to see if it's shaped like a crystal or a piece of glass

(I told her it looks like a piece of glass)

• Try crushing the substance with your fingers

(I responded that the "substance" cut my mouth, I doubt I would want to crush it with my bare hands)

• Pour hot water or vinegar on the substance to see if it dissolves

(I said um, no, thank you)

So she is now getting the corporate manufacturer to arrange for a third party to retrieve and investigate the final sample I have.

The struvite saga continues… I better get at least a nominal gift certificate for this...

New BFFs

Venezuela said on Saturday it was working on a raft of oil deals with China, giving impetus to President Hugo Chavez's attempts to break his country's dependence on oil exports to the United States.

"The United States as a power is on the way down, China is on the way up. China is the market of the future," said Chavez.

Why hate St. Jude?

So my sister-in-law kindly emails me... but with very, very bad news.

Remember that giant mural of St. Jude on 26th St? Someone had the audacity to paint over it!!! That Jesus-like image (non-christian/catholic folks like me called him Jesus) was a pseudo cultural landmark of Bridgeport/Chinatown. It's been there since I was born at least. Paint me shocked. I swore you had a blog entry about it, but couldn't find it. Anyway, what used to be the Hungry Hound is now a Mexican place...they painted the logo over St. Jude. It's hideous. We can't find our digital camera, otherwise you'd get a pic.

What a travesty. It's not like the perpetrators even replaced St. Jude with something better, like this:

Let's all smoke in memory of St. Jude.
May he live in our hearts and minds forever.

Favorite lyrics at the moment

Yes, it's by my girl Amy Winehouse.
This song is entitled FUCK ME PUMPS. It's even better sung by her.

When you walk in the bar,
And you dressed like a star,
Rockin' your F me pumps.

And the men notice you,
With your Gucci bag crew,
Can't tell who he's lookin' to.

Cuz you all look the same,
Everyone knows your name,
And that's your whole claim to fame.

Never miss a night,
Cuz your dream in life,
Is to be a footballers wife.
You don't like players,
That's what you say-a,
But you really wouldn't mind a millionaire.

You don't like ballers,
They don't do nothing for ya,
But you'd love a rich man six foot two or taller.

You're more than a fan,
Lookin' for a man,
But you end up with one-nights-stands.

He could be your whole life,
If you got past one night,
But that part never goes right.

In the morning you're vexed,
He's onto the next,
And you didn't even get no taste.

Don't be too upset,
If they call you a skank,
Cuz like the news everyday you get pressed.

You can't sit down right,
Cuz your jeans are too tight,
And your lucky its ladies night.

With your big empty purse,
Every week it gets worse,
At least your breasts cost more than hers.

So you did Miami,
Cuz you got there for free,
But somehow you missed the plane.

You did too much E,
Met somebody,
And spent the night getting caned.

Without girls like you,
There'd be no fun,
We'd go to the club and not see anyone.

Without girls like you,
There's no nightlife,
All those men just go home to their wives.

Don't be mad at me,
Cuz you're pushing thirty,
And your old tricks no longer work.

You should have known from the job,
That you always get dumped,
So dust off your fuck me pumps

Here's another called ADDICTED. This is classic.

Tell your boyfriend next time he around
To buy his own weed and don't wear my shit down
I wouldn't care if bro would give me some more
I'd rather him leave you then leave him my draw

When you smoke all my weed man
You gotta call the green man
So I can get mine and you get yours

Once is enough to make me attack
So bring me a bag and your man can come back
I'll check him at the door make sure he got green
I'm tighter than airport security teams

When you smoke all my weed man
You gotta call the green man
So I can get mine and you get yours

I'm my own man so when will you learn
That you got a man but I got to burn
Don't make no difference if I end up alone
I'd rather have myself a smoke my homegrown
It's got me addicted, does more than any dick did

Totally, totally bummed

I was suppose to see Amy Winehouse perform at Spaceland tonight. Queen Bee, the woman who hardly goes out on a school night and is usually asleep by 9 pm, was going to accompany me too.

But Bitch cancelled her show! WTF!! Perez Hilton, the notorious gossip gangsta, reports that Amy often cancels shows because she's recovering from a night of hard partying. Dude, I report to work everyday, despite nights of hard partying. Amy needs to learn from DYY. Of course she probably doesn't need the money as bad as I do. Hence, I go to work hungover while Amy is chillin at home watching cartoons and eating caviar and shit.

I'm still lucky though. On Friday night, I went to see Peter Kruder (of Kruder & Dorfmeister) dj at King King. IT WAS AMAZING. He dj-ed from 12:30 am until 4 am! We stayed until closing and continued the festivities at Little Panda's place. Such good times! It ruined me for the rest of the weekend, but I returned (groggy) to work on Monday, unlike Amy...

Speaking of bong hits 4 Jesus...

I'm reminded of how I promised Blu-tooth that I would blog about WITNESS LEE and WATCHMAN NEE, founders of her church and the "Recovery Movement."

I discovered these two gentlemen are very popular (they're even on WIKI!) as I found many websites devoted to analyzing, critiquing, supporting or debunking their teachings of Christ. In fact, I was not prepared to find so much information. My brain totally shut down (I think it's a defense mechanism actually). Like the dork I am, I had wanted to blog about Witness and Watchman only because I thought their names were funny. But everything about them is quite serious and not funny at all... except hymns homeboys wrote on their own!! I am so pleased to find them. Here's a prized example:

All sinners are the slaves of sin,
All poisoned by death's sting;
Christ only can from sin and death
A full deliverance bring.
He is the Everlasting One,
Who longs to set us free;
If we do not believe in Him,
We'll die in misery.

I would LOVE it if Blu-tooth lulled me to sleep with this hymn. I bet I would sleep like a baby.

If it's not FREE, at least it's AWESOME

The Supreme Court heard oral arguments today regarding a First Amendment free speech case that involved the banner above. OMG. These kids are AWESOME!

Here's the skinny:

The case involves Joseph Frederick, a then 18-year-old high school senior in Alaska who was suspended for 10 days after displaying a "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" banner across the street from his high school during the Winter Olympics Torch Relay in 2002. When he and his friends displayed the banner, then-principal Deborah Morse ran across the street and seized it. Morse initially suspended Frederick for five days for violating the school district's anti-drug policy, but increased the suspension to 10 days after he refused to give the names of his fellow participants and quoted Thomas Jefferson on free speech.

Again, this kid is AWESOME.

Does he look like a mastermind to you?

The FBI just reported that Khalid Sheikh Mohammed confessed to "masterminding" the 9/11 attacks and other awful atrocities including beheading American journalist Daniel Pearl. His statement was made after FOUR YEARS of illegal detainment (and interrogation and torture) in Guantanamo Bay.

I don't know. Seems dubious to me.

Yet another 10 year anniversary

Today marks the 10th anniversary of Biggie's death. He was gunned down on the corner of Fairfax and Wilshire, only a couple of blocks from where I reside, after attending a Soul Train Music Awards after-party at the Peterson Automotive Museum. I believe the LAPD has yet to resolve the case and determine his murderer(s).

I remember hearing the news that day and feeling sad. Biggie was one of the best hip hop lyricists EVER. Whether you're a hip hop fan or not, no true music aficionado's collection is complete without Biggie's "Ready to Die." At the ripe age of 24, Biggie's death is a monumental loss in hip hop. No one has even come close to the talents this man had. His legacy remains.

Happy International Women's Day!

(Please note that I started this post on the date indicated above but sadly was too busy to finish it. Don't get confused, ok? I don't want you going around wishing women a happy day and looking foolish and ignorant. You should have done that last Thursday, though it's a good thing to greet someone in the spirit of feminism. Anyway, thank you for your patience.)

To my Sisters in the struggle, this is OUR day. You are special and beautiful, and DYY loves you very much. So shine, bitches, shine!

In celebration of OUR day, a group of my female friends (including Tron, of course) and I went to check out Andrea Zittel's CRITICAL SPACE exhibit at the MOCA Geffen Contemporary. She's the featured artist of WACK! Art and the Feminist Revolution, the latest big exhibition at MOCA. I attended the member's party last Saturday. Le Tigre was dj'ing and they were cool and all but it was fucken crazy crowded and we had to wait in line for a long while before we were allowed to enter the museum to see the exhibition. To my chagrin (since I don't do lines anymore, well, not those types of lines), most of the art and artists were uninspiring... EXCEPT Andrea Zittel who is amazing and is my absolute favorite artist at the moment. Seriously, I wish I could be her.

Andrea was even better and more inspiring the second time around. I encourage everyone to check out her exhibit. You will be in awe.

For a far better description, check out her biography here. But this is why I adore her: She incorporates art in her everyday life and challenges that life with her art. She pushes our conception and construction of time and physical space. For example, she would create these tiny living spaces that incorporate a bedroom, bathroom, or whatever, and maximize the space so that every inch is utilitarian and functional, yet super designy and modern... so when you look at it, you think to yourself, damn this space is small, but I think I can live like this because everything looks so cute and comfortable.

Did you know that many of her structures can be folded into a trunk (which I had not noticed the first time)? Not only does she challenge the fallacy that bigger is better, she also believes in self-sustainable living and makes all her own very stylish clothes, furniture and architecture.

I am once again inspired to learn how to sew! I wish I knew how to make cool shit. Since her exhibit, I have also been thinking philosophically about my own lifestyle and my perpetual quest to downsize and minimize in order to truly expand and maximize. It's a struggle, man... but I've come to realize that the creativity and adaptivity that derives from such a struggle is really amazing and quite fulfilling. It's a natural high.

I can really go on and on about Andrea's pieces as she's quite prolific and diverse. But I know I'm not doing her any justice so visit her website for a glimpse of her genius. By the way, Andrea's a part-time resident of Joshua Tree and creates a majority of her art and conducts experiments there. Now do you see why I want to be this bitch?

Reunions

I generally have no interest in reunions organized by academic institutions. Cared less about my high school and college ones. Didn't even know when they occurred. Definately not going to my law school one. In fact, I try to avoid communication altogether with my law school, but they always seem to successfully track my place of employment (it's the California Bar's fault) and send me endless information via US and electronic mail. Once in a while, they call me at work... probably to solicit a donation that, haven't they realized, I will NEVER give because I FUCKEN HATE THEM? Fortunately, I have an assistant who screens all my calls. Just the other day, I advised her that when I receive mail from UCLAW, immediately throw it in the recycler. Thank you.

But this posting isn't about how much I despise UCLAW though I can go on and on.

This past weekend, the Asian American Studies Program at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign celebrated its 10th anniversary. This means that a little shy of 10 years ago, Asian American Studies did not exist at U of I. And since I graduated a little shy of 10 years ago (fuck!), I unfortunately was not a benefactor. Nor were my friends:

"Old Skool Gang" circa 1997

Asian Pacific Islanders were (and probably still are) the largest minority group on campus, yet we were the only racial minority group that lacked a formal orientation program, a studies program and a cultural center. The administration labled us an "overrepresented minority."

A fucken oxymoron, that's what we were.

Despite relentless demands to the contrary, we were often ignored and silenced. It wasn't fair and definately discriminatory. But we students persisted, and learned to be creative and self-reliant.

Ms. Vida (far right female pictured above) created a formal orientation program for new Asian American students called "Asiantation" that I believe continues today. We created our own alumni networks; scholarship/mentorship/award programs; cultural and political events; and leadership/activism conferences. We struggled to build coalitions and a collective consciousness among myriad API groups, all of which we felt obligated to assume leadership roles. Like Tupac said, it's all about you. And truly it was all about us, as it was clearly evident that U of I didn't give a shit about API students.

Despite not having a formal program, I believe there were two "trial" classes in my four years of attendence and I took both. One was an introductory course to Asian American history taught by a wonderful Filipina graduate student. My final paper was about Asian American beauty (or was it stereotypes in Asian beauty?). I also took an Asian American literature class. I don't recall the professor, but I do remember the small intimate class and how we really enjoyed such a unique space for class discussions. Dude, you have to check out the AAS courses now. I am so jealous.

Needless to say, I really wanted to attend this reunion. It wasn't possible for me, though a few of us did attend and reported back. The stories and pictures seem amazing, almost unbelievable that the students now have a full-fledged, university-sponsored studies program AND cultural center. At the same time, I can't believe we didn't have these services in the fairly recent past, and how API students across the nation protested and struggled and engaged in hunger strikes, just so that they could formally learn about our people's history and contributions in America.

Lastly, Vida said something in her very detailed report to us that is very important:

"One thing I said during the [alumni roundtable] panel was that I recall many of us said we would not donate money to the University for as long as: 1) there was no AA Studies; 2) there was no AA Cultural Center; 3) there was the Chief*. Well folks, as of a couple weeks ago, all those barriers have been removed. If you want you can donate to the Cultural Center and Studies Program - tax deductible. Asian American Alumni Network is working on clearing their tax deductible status. Also, I know that we’ve all thrown around the idea of possibly creating a scholarship. Now would be a possible time to start discussing that more?"

Well, I'm sure you can guess which institution will be giving me my next tax-deduction. GO ILLINI!

*OMG. Can you believe that about the Chief? I would have never imagined in my wildest dreams that U of I was gonna give up Chief Illiniwek and its retrograde racist ways. Thank god. Welcome to 2007 yo.

I'm doing it

It's official. Starting today for two months, I am now a lacto-ovo-pesco vegetarian. Excuse the latin. It means I still eat dairy, eggs and seafood. But no beef, pork, chicken, duck, etc. Blu-tooth has also decided to do this with me, but she's going to be strictly vegetarian. I'm actually excited and feel confident that it will not be difficult. I hope.

In preparation of the big day, I ate bacon all last weekend and had Korean BBQ for lunch yesterday. I had wanted to eat tacos from my favorite taco truck last night but Tron made dinner instead and made sure to include lots of meat. Of course that's how he regularly cooks.

Some have asked, why? Why forgo and deny myself the foods of the Gods? Besides the fact that vegetarianism is a more sustainable way of living, I'm just not interested in eating hormone-induced, genetically modified meats anymore. And I'm definately not going to eat cloned meats. So my goal is to try it for a couple of months to see how difficult it would be, if at all. I think it may be easier than we all think.