Check this out. It's a series of safety posters designed by Department of Homeland Security to protect us from terrorism. As suspected, they aren't very helpful, but extremely hilarious when interpreted creatively. Below are my favorites:
If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.
If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that shit.
If your building collapes, give yourself a blowjob while waiting to be rescued.