Ancient Chinese Secret straight from the Motherland

Despite being a person of Chinese descent (and Cantonese to boot!), it is a known, accepted and sad fact that I do not know how to spit up (aka "hauk") mucus and/or phlegm. Throughout my life, I either blew my nose or remained stuffed up, while admiring my brother's expert hauking skills and clear passageways. Interestingly I accepted my lot in life and never questioned my inability to hauk... until a few weeks ago when Divinestyler rocked my world. He was the first person in my life who actually explained the act of hauking to me: essentially, one would inhale the mucus upward into the nose and then downward through the back sinuses to the bottom of the throat and up the throat again by spitting a loogie out of the mouth. It's a basic circular motion.

I responded with wonder... and also with disgust. I was like, Joe, are you serious? That sounds fucken gross. That must be why I've never tried it... somewhere in my girlie subconscious, I must have suppressed even the desire to learn how to hauk. And now that I know, I refuse to do it. Yuck.

But both my primary care physician and friends disagree. They all say it's important to remove the mucus/phlegm before it turns into something worse. No one can tell me exactly what that worse would be... but if you think of hauking in a survival-of-the-fittest context, I would not evolve. I would just die off. And that's not cool.

So you think the Ancient Chinese Secret for ridding phlegm is hauking? WRONG. That's the harsh unnecessary unsanitary old school way. The aristocrats in Shanghai drink pig lung soup. Yes, you read it correctly... pig lung soup. Why would one need to hauk when there's plenty of pig lungs everywhere to consume! Be Chinese and don't waste any part of the animal, you know? Especially if it's medicinal, i.e. get rid of phlegm.

I did indeed boast to friends prior to my trip that I had planned to eat all the funky meats available (eg. dog, cat, raccoon, snake, whatever) in Shanghai and Hong Kong before returning to the US as a devout lacto-ovo-pesco vegetarian for the rest of 2009 after Chinese New Year.

Pig lung was not on my list of funky meats, but DBB said that it's good for eliminating mucus... he noticed my phlegmy cough once I arrived to his apartment in the French Concession. So I said what the heck. And you know what? It wasn't so bad. It tasted like bland gelatinous fat.

So I had the soup for lunch today at 4 pm. By 1 am this morning, the phlegm was gone! For real! It's crazy dude. The medicinal value of pig lung -- one of the many ancient Chinese secrets I will discover during my stay in the Motherland. I will share them with you all if you believe. But you must believe.

Pig Lung Soup yo -- Shanghai, China

Jesus Christ Superstar

In celebration of Josh's belated birthday and Jesus's upcoming birthday, we went to see Jesus Christ Superstar -- the live musical. I watched the film version like 10 years ago and remember really enjoying it. I mean - the story of the new testament in song and dance... what can you not love? Now that I've seen the musical, however, I am surprised to feel that the movie was better.

I suppose it should be a treat to have Ned Steely perform our show. Ned is the original cast member who played Jesus in the original Broadway musical in 1970. But dude. Just look at the picture above. Grandpa Steely is an octogenarian trying to play a 32 years old Jesus. It was the most awful casting ever. The age difference was even more apparent when 70's electric guitar singer Ned sang in duets with Judas, who was played by a thirty-something African American gay man with a soulful R&B voice.

Speaking of Judas, who is my all-time favorite apostle as you all know, I had no idea that his dissension with Jesus was because his uncompromising dogma. Judas was a fucken ideologue dude. I always knew he was more than just a traitor, that his dissolution from Jesus was from a deeper disappointed place. But goddammit. Ideologues are so annoying. Still, I'm going to overlook what would normally be a fatal flaw. My admiration for Judas remains. He's still the best apostle ever. Judas was the only one who really questioned authority, even if the authority was the son of God. Peter, Paul and the rest... clearly Jesus' bitches.

"Oh yeah, I got a cool black guy to play me."

Mandatory Quarantine

For the most part, I have been home-bound and isolated from the rest of society due to pink eye. The doctor said I'm highly contagious and should not return to work until Thursday. For a hardworking cheap chinese laborer like myself, three days away from work is a long ass time. Though I need the break so perhaps it's a blessing in disguise? Of course I worked remotely still. But calling into meetings wearing pajamas and without showering is somewhat gratifying to me. I think I enjoy working from home. I also learned that, if by any chance in the future or at Armageddon, I am detained and/or forced into mandatory quarantine or solitary confinement, I believe I can do it.

I entertained myself by baking cupcakes, watching back-to-back episodes of The Wire, gardening, flipping through magazines at Rite Aid, eating junk food, organizing my guestroom, napping, surfing channels and the internet for anything Blagojevich-related, reading about Michelle Obama. It is from reading her biography that I realize that Michelle and I have much in common. As if we are kindred spirits.

Both Michelle and I love Barack Obama. We are both public-interest minded lawyers. We both grew up in the South side of Chicago to working-class families. We both attended Whitney Young H.S. We both went to prestigious colleges. Michelle went to Princeton while I attended the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign (it's ranked #2 in the nation for engineering...). Michelle's senior thesis is entitled, "Princeton-Educated Blacks and the Black Community". This was the controversial thesis that caused people to call her a "black militant" just because she critiqued the lack of support and services for black students at Princeton.

Reading about this reminded me of the final paper I wrote for my Asian American Jurisprudence class in law school. I wrote about how the interests of Asian Americans were subordinated by the interests of other ethnic minorities in a perceived (or actual) zero-sum game manipulated by The Man. I used the LA Riots and the cabdriver situation in NYC as examples. Although I still stand by my arguments, I would be horrified to have my law school paper scrutinized and misinterpreted by like everyone. Totally, completely horrified. I remember having to do an all-nighter to write that paper because I had procrastinated all year. I would hate people to judge me on a paper I wrote when I was cracked out at 23 years old. Poor Michelle had to defend herself for something she wrote for a class in college at the age of 21.

Ten years later, I wonder where my paper is... and could it destroy me or my credibility? I assume one physical copy is with Professor Kang while an electronic copy is on a floppy disk somewhere. Maybe it won't resurface when I get my appointment from Obama? Let's hope.

My next post? Perhaps similarities with Gov. Rod Blagojevich? He and I probably have more in common actually.

PAY TO PLAY, BITCH! No one rides for free.

Pink Eye = WMDs

Yes, it is true. I have been slowly assembling an army of cybersoldiers in preparation for robot uprisings and armageddon in general. However, now that I have been demobilized by pink eye, I now believe I should assemble a guerrilla group of bio-terrorist combatants also. I would recruit my two nephews, who transferred the highly contagious virus to me by coughing indiscriminately in my food and my face, all the while staying cute and lovable, disarming me and my better judgment to maintain some distance away from their bio toxic germs. I can't believe I allowed those little fuckers to get me.

Since I am not as cute and lovable as my nephews, my friends are not as disarmed and have maintained their better judgment. Even though I promised not to cough into anyone's food or face, a couple of us made the right decision for me to leave a baby shower early and quarantine myself so I don't spread the infectious disease to the expecting mother and unborn child. In fact, there was another pregnant friend on the scene so I finally left because I couldn't bear the responsibility of something later going terribly wrong. It's not like you can deny spreading pink eye at a party when you're the only one with discharge oozing out of your eye sockets. Thank god I had my sunglasses on. Although no one could tell, I started feeling paranoid. I was reminded of a Bloodhound Gang episode (from 321 Contact) about pink eye. The story was about this school cafeteria employee who had contracted pink eye, yet neglected to wash her hands before she prepared sandwiches, causing a number of teenagers to become ill. She wore sunglasses the whole time to cover her itchy, irritated red eye. But the Bloodhound Gang found her habit of wearing sunglasses indoors, in a dark cafeteria, to be a bit odd. I don't remember exactly how the Bloodhound Gang busted her, but I do remember the moral of the story is to wash your hands frequently... and to never contract pink eye.

Twenty-five years later after watching such an important and informative show, it is clear I have not learned from my childhood lessons. Or perhaps bio-terrorists (ie. children) are far more powerful and deadlier than they were when I was growing up? All I know is that none of my peers growing up ever had pink eye or lice or mono or peanut allergies. But now I have one of the four. OMG. I need to assemble a guerrilla army as soon as possible! In the meantime, I will be an army of one and follow what this guy does.

Children say the darnest things

I heard some great one-liners this past weekend.

I attempted to engage in a conversation about Barack Obama with my 6 and 4 years old nephews. If Auntie loves Obama, the nephews surely will also.

So I described to them how Sasha and Malia are going to get a new dog when they move to the White House.

Christopher announces, "I want to get a new dog. But we have to wait for these (points to dogs Gabby and Sally) to die first."

Nice. Good to know he's a honest little fucker.

I offered to eat the dogs but the boys then shrieked like little girls. Little tortured girls. It didn't sound good.

Then while we started to over-decorate the tree...


...and were looking for hooks to clip the ornaments...


... Elliot announces, "I NEED A HOOKER!"

Awesome. Good to know he's a degenerate like Auntie.

And finally, Christopher makes a racial remark. It's kind of funny so it's okay. Plus, he's just a child. He doesn't know better.

Quote of the Day

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
— Dolly Parton

Another Silent Auction!!

So I'll be attending yet another industry event tonight... a fundraiser for the Coalition of Asian Pacifics in Entertainment. I am going as a guest of Fox's diversity department and will be sitting next to.... BOBBY LEE... and JOHN CHO!! I'm pretty stoked.

But I also learned that there will be another silent auction tonight! I still haven't paid for my Krav Maga lessons, so I doubt I will participate. Or maybe I should? Here are the prizes I'm considering to bid on:

• Custom Hello Kitty Electric Guitar plus accessories (oh yeah!)
• The Sword of Hiro from HEROES (for protection during Armageddon)
• Framed autographed poster from House (for sister)
• 25th anniversary Star Trek Wrath of Khan ship to be signed by George Takei (Might need this ship for Armageddon as well)

I played Wii for the first time ever

Instead of participating in Black Friday this year, and potentially risk my life being trampled by crazy mad shoppers like that poor seasonal employee at Wal-mart, I used my time and energy to further my study of virtual reality. I played Wii Sports. Specifically, I bowled, boxed and played tennis. I also raced riding a cow and shot targets in the air. Not all at once, mind you. That's not even possible in virtual reality, at least not yet.

This is what I learned. I am a much better athlete in virtual reality. I bowled a 114. And my backhand in tennis is awesome. I wasn't very good at boxing, but I think that's because I'm a pacificist, unlike JaneInsane who continued to knock me out even when I was down (ie. I didn't know how to use the controls, not that she cared as she continued to punch me to a pulp). Also, I'm a pretty good cow rider.

What was encouraging is that playing sports on Wii inspired me to play these sports in real life. After virtual bowling, I wanted to really bowl. And after virtual tennis, I pledged to myself that I'm going to play more tennis in 2009. But I wonder, do others have this same feeling of inspiration to pause playing virtual reality and play reality reality? I assume not. I mean, if you're really good at Wii, why would you want to suck in real life? We all want to be winners. For example, I hardly exceed a score of 100 in real-life bowling. So you can imagine my elation when I bowled several spares and strikes in Wii. What would happen to my newly-developed confidence when I put on those tri-colored shoes and hit those lanes? Why would any kid who excels at Wii would want to participate in the sport in real life, especially if they lack true athletic skills like myself?

The "W" in Wii stands for "Winner". There's no W in "Reality".

Is that fucken deep or what?

Another message to me from the Obama-Biden Administration

Dear DYY, Thank you for submitting your application to serve in the Obama-Biden Administration. As you can imagine, we are receiving thousands of applications during the transition process. We will initially be focused on the most senior positions in the Administration. If you do not hear from us for several weeks or months, please do not think we have lost your information. You may update your application at any time by clicking on the link below and using the email address you entered on your application as your login. We will receive and record the changes you make.Thank you again for your interest.

Cross your fingers for me, bitches!

Holiday Update

I'm up north visiting my family for the holidays. So once again, I must be wholesome and pure. That is why I'm wearing a pilgrim hat and showing off pilgrim art, both made by my younger nephew Elliot. Part of being wholesome and pure is immersing in the holiday spirit. For reasons I never quite understood, celebrating Christmas the day after Thanksgiving is a tradition in America. And what is good for America is good for my family. We shall not be exempt from such celebrations.
Here we are at Downtown San Jose. We were suppose to go ice skating, but the rink was closed. So were all the children's rides and the public library. Yes, Downtown San Jose was booty overall. But we still remained in the holiday spirit and took pictures with the many Christmas decorations scattered throughout the main street.

Here is a Christmas tree decorated with pictures of missing children. Above each picture is the word "VANISHED".

Um, can you say downer?

And here is a lovely nativity scene. But where is Baby Jesus? He must be VANISHED. Perhaps we'll find his picture in the tree above...

We celebrated a little bit of Christmas at home too. We assembled this gingerbread house puzzle and glued the pieces together.
There's glitter on the puzzle too, but you may not be able to see it in the photo. We also put together a glow-in-the-dark dinosaur puzzle, but it kind of got messed up when we tried gluing the pieces together. I doubt we're going to fix it. With young boys and an ADD aunt, we've moved on to other activities.
Activities such as Jenga and Twister. The boys liked them okay. I think they'll like them better when they get a little older. I can't wait. So instead we focused on some wooden toys I had also purchased for them. I added a couple of stickers to each and they insisted to add more. How awesome is that?!

Here is Christopher's helicopter:
Also to my delight, the boys have learned to make funny faces!
Speaking of toys and funny faces, I'm going to take this moment to digress for a bit... can someone please explain this to me?
There are two big shelves of stuffed bears at my sister's friend's home where we celebrated Thanksgiving this year. I don't mean to be disrespectful, since she fed me and all, but I just don't get it. I mean, I have seen and heard of adults having huge collections of dolls and stuff animals, but I just don't get it. Of course I had to inquire about her collection. They are specialty bears from all around the world. I certainly appreciate the diversity, but it's a little strange, right? I guess I shouldn't poo poo it during this time of wholesomeness and purity. I presume a collection of stuff animals is part of that. Indeed I complimented her bears and smiled cordially in the most purest and wholesome way, supressing my naturally sarcastic thoughts. See, I'm all about the holidays yo.

Now back to funny faces... Happy Holidays!!

I don't even care that msnbc reported cnn's mischaracterization of this. I still believe it.

I'm going to learn to kill

Yes, it is true. At a silent auction fundraiser during Disability Legal Rights Center's annual gala (our campaign received an award!), I acquired a 3 month self-defense membership to Krav Maga Worldwide. For those of you who don't know, Krav Maga is the official combat system of the Israeli Defense Force. They train you to kill.

I initially bid as a joke. I've been meaning to take a self-defense class. Tonkhero suggested Krav Maga. I know he was just joking, but I've been thinking about it ever since. When I learned that Krav Maga classes were being auctioned, and then discovered the starting bid was only $100 for a membership valued at $751, I was like, what the heck. The money is going to a good cause and I get to learn to kill.

I was excited to see that no one had bid for Krav Maga yet. I wrote in my bid and then went see another item of interest: A swag bag from NBC Universal Beijing Olympics (opening ceremony dvd, Beijing military hat (?), MSNBC water bottle, Beijing pin, NBC golf balls, Beijing Nike Golf Shirt, Beijing Men's Fleece). I wanted to get the Beijing-swag for my dad. So I satisfactorily placed the minimum bid for the B-swag, then searched for the server with the spring rolls. When I returned, only seconds later, I am out-bidded for the B-swag. I stood there conflicted about whether I should increase my bid... the highest bid now exceeded its original value ($171.93). Of course my cheap Chinese ass decided to let the B-swag go (I regret it now). I immediately and anxiously returned to the table with the Krav Maga bid. Of course I discovered someone placed a higher bid on this too. As I begun to feel like silent auctions are rigged, a faint bell rang from the background and someone announced that the silent auction is about to end. I then instinctually and frantically place a much higher bid for the Krav Maga, just in time before the volunteer turned over the bid sheet and said, sorry miss, the auction is over.

Dude. You'd think I'd be happy winning lessons to kill. But I started to feel buyer's remorse. I felt like that nerdy attorney guy who won the Olympics swag bag (and my colleague who successfully bid for a 7-day Royal Caribbean cruise for two to Alaska for $1600!) got a better deal. I don't know. I can't tell. It happened so fast. I felt slightly hysteric.

But now I'll know what to do in an hostage situation:

People from Wasilla scare me

Lady Simzie says she's so over Palin. Like an old, wet newspaper. Not me. I'm still amused.

Palin is a wonderful public servant. In this video, she teaches us not to worry about "heavy-handed politics" and criticism as long as we have fun. Keep it real, sister.

Description and video, courtesy of the Huffington Post:

On Thursday, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin appeared in Wasilla in order to pardon a local turkey in anticipation of Thanksgiving. This proved to be a slightly absurd but ultimately unremarkable event. But what came next was positively surreal. After the pardon Palin proceeded to do an interview with a local TV station while the turkeys were being SLAUGHTERED in the background!! Seemingly oblivious to the gruesomeness going on over her shoulder, she carries on talking for over three minutes. Watch the video below to see for yourself. Be warned, it's kind of gruesome.

Joe Lieberman sucks

They should have made him eat shit. Fucken liberals. That's why Republicans continue their bullshit with impunity. Democrats are so fucken lucky right now to have Barack Obama on their team.

Reflections on 8ATE

Last Saturday, Blu-tooth, Minnesota Mike and I attended a rally and march to protest the passage of Prop 8. Even though Prop 8 is specific to California, demonstrations were occuring everywhere nationwide. Ours was in front of City Hall in Downtown LA.

I was glad to be there in solidarity, but there's really nothing more that can be done except wait for the courts to make a decision (with hopes that such demonstrations could influence the judges in our favor maybe?!) and perhaps wait for a repeal of the discriminatory proposition in 2010.

Not that rallies and boycotts are insignificant. They are important, necessary and strategic. But where were all the rallies and boycotts before the majority of California voters decided that a marriage recognized by the state must be between a man and a woman?

Instead I see boycotts against Majorie Christoffersen, a member of the Mormon Church and proprietor of El Coyote, who had contributed $100 to her church to support Prop 8.

Dude. Are you kidding me? This is why we lost Prop 8. I could understand if you don't patronize El Coyote because the food taste like diarrhea. But to focus so much energy on this one woman who acknowledged and apologized for her mistake, was contrite and offered free lunches to her offended clientele. She admitted that she simply did what her church told her. So why waste any more time and energy punishing this idiot? She's already experiencing a mental and emotional breakdown, yet the boycott continues. It makes me sad, not for her (I find her situation humorous actually), but because the disenfranchised continue to fight the disenfranchised. It's classic divide and conquer. LGBTs and Mormons probably have nothing in common EXCEPT that our government does not recognize either of their definitions of marriage. Kind of ironic.

On a positive note, this was Minnesota Mike's first protest. Ever. How exciting!



In the video, we're on the train. I was so pleased to see the huge number of people who used public transportation to get to the rally. Also, there were A LOT of good-looking people there. Gays are just hot.

Of course I randomly bump into my favorite couple with their hairless Peruvian dogs.

By the way, hairless Peruvian dogs are hypoallergenic, for obvious reasons. Can't see you Malia and Sasha with these cute pups?

Then there were some very cool posters (which kind of bummed us out because we forgot to make our own. Blu-tooth and I felt so unprepared).

This picture is funny because the lesbian on the left was upset that I took a picture with her poster being held by the lesbian in the center of the photo. She whined, "that's my poster." To make her feel better, I took another picture of her with her poster, but I refuse to post it.
No one is going to see it.

I know Tron and other Ron Paul supporters would appreciate this.

And finally, we marched along Main Street until we reached Chinatown, where we diverged for some dim sum.

What do we want? DIM SUM. When do we want it? NOW!!

Quote of the Day

Love life, engage in it, give it all you've got. Love it with passion because life truly does give back, many times over, what you put into it. -- Maya Angelou

I know, two Quotes of the Day in a row. I must feel more inspirational than usual.

Quote of the Day

There's no virtue without temptation.
--Marc Emery, self-described, "Prince of Pot" *

*Discovered the Prince of Pot from Super High Me.**

** This important documentary also introduced me to Temple 420.
You know, I have been thinking about more spirtuality in my life... hallelujah, praise the Lord!

Public office, public affiliations...

A message to me from the Obama-Biden Administration...

Hello DYY,

Thank you for your interest in joining the Obama-Biden Administration. Within a few days, you will receive an email with a link to the more complete on-line application. Please be patient, as we are trying to respond promptly to the large number of people who are interested in working in the Administration. Thanks.

As for other pubic affiliations, I joined Twitter.Com as a means to infiltrate robot cutlure and study virtual reality. But I have a suspicious feeling, it's just a fancier form of text messaging that is not so fancy after all. Naturally I asked Joe the Webmaster to join, as he agreed to be one of my cyberspace soliders. He may be a member already, which is good. Perhaps this could be a way for us to recruit other cyberspace soliders?

I also hijacked Little Panda's Facebook account and sent all our homies "an egg" which will hatch in a few days what looks like a used contraceptive sponge. It's a weird program and I do not pretend to understand it.

You wanna go on a date with me?

Or work for President-elect Obama? Fill out this questionnaire please. Sorry, I ran out of scantrons.

DYY BONUS: Here's a picture of Obama with a cigarette.

I just learned recently that he smokes. I hate to admit this, but he looks sexy with that cigarette. Don't you just want to gently grab that cig from his mouth and smoke it?

Moose Stew Recipe

It's a favorite among hockey moms.

Ingredients
2 1/2 lbs moose, cut into 1 inch cubes
2 tablespoons shortening
1/4 teaspoon cracked black pepper
1/2 teaspoon paprika
1 bay leaf
1 teaspoon salt
2 (10 1/2 ounce) cans condensed beef broth
1 cup dry red wine
1 large onion, diced
3 carrots, sliced
18 small whole white onions
12 small new potatoes, peeled
2 tablespoons butter
2 tablespoons flour

Directions
1Saute meat cubes in shortening until brown on all sides.
2Add pepper, paprika, bay leaf, salt, beef broth, red wine, onion, and carrots.
3Cover and simmer until meat is tender, about 2 hours.
4Add whole onions and potatoes; cover and simmer for an additional 15 minutes, or until the vegetables are barely tender.
5Mix butter and flour into a paste.
6Drop into simmering stew.
7Cook, stirring, until stew bubbles and thickens.
8Serve with rice or polenta.

Welcome home!

Dude. Finally. I have internet again.

It's perfect timing now that the elections have concluded. I was concerned I would no longer have anything to watch on my analog television. I felt this same anxiety when the Olympics ended. Fortunately, I have discovered KCET. Charlie Rose is sick. And Tavis Smiley seems kind. And I've been watching this documentary series about US presidents. I love that shit. So far, I've been able to catch Regan, LBJ and Nixon. It's been fascinating. I can't wait to see who will be next.

But you know, sometimes when the shows on KCET become really local-cable-access-ish, I turn to the internet. I turn to youtube.

And while searching for past Keith Olbermann shows, I stumble upon one of his old episodes commenting on Britney Spear's last performance on MTV's video music awards. Wow. Why does that feel so long ago? It seemed so relevant then (at least to me) but now I do feel a difference. Instead of disengaging and distracting myself with indulgences and superficialities, I feel sincerely engaged and hopeful for the first time in a long time. But enough talk about hope and change. Let's talk about Britney.

So I re-watched her performance. And you know what? I think it was awesome. To be honest, I sort of liked it then, but was more consumed with my theory that she was on Lexipro at the time.

It would have been better if she purposely mocked MTV, but in a way, performing on lexipro and all, she kind of did. Even though Britney was upset and depressed about it afterwards, she performed like she didn't give a shit. A big middle finger to MTV and all of America who relished in both her rise and demise. I like it. It's just Britney, bitch.

One day more...

Okay, you have to be a fan of the musical Les Miserables... and if you are, this video is quite superb. GOBAMA!

I suppose I'm not entirely dead inside

Tron sent me these quotes, which made me cry.

Gee thanks, Joe. You're swell.

"Sometimes we tend to be in despair when the person we love leaves us, but the truth is, its not our loss, but theirs, for they left the only person who wouldnt give up on them."

"Have you even been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like `maybe we should just be friends' or `how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."
-- Neil Gaiman

I freaking knew it!!

In addition to serving as a government tracking device AND strengthening robot culture, here's yet another reason why I prefer not to use cell phones if possible.

It's the same reason why I don't eat charred meat.

Sex and the City

(It's okay, you can keep reading... no spoiler in my entry!)

It is no secret that I'm a fan of Sex and the City, the series on HBO. But the movie? I felt ambivalent. Not because the series can't tranform into a great movie... it just didn't seem like something I need to watch at the theaters.

Then I get this email from Melissa Silverstein (press me for her blog) in one of her "Women & Hollywood Weekly Updates". She entitles her critique of the Sex and the City movie as "A Women's Cultural Movement". It's her analysis that motivated me to see the movie this past weekend.

Melissa writes:

Whatever your thoughts are on the actual content of Sex and the City, as a follower of movies about women I can't help but acknowledge that this is a cultural watershed moment for women's films for a couple of reasons.

1. Everyone (who talks about movies) has spent the last couple of weeks talking about a film that stars and celebrates women and women's friendships. Indiana Jones is so yesterday's news one week after being released after an almost 20 YEAR WAIT!
2. Everyone (who talks about movies) is scratching their heads trying to figure out how much money an R rated movie targeted at adult women can make. Imagine women preoccupying the minds of Hollywood's men.

The male misogynists in the film blogosphere have outed themselves in a big way with their extreme nastiness about the film with one actually calling the film a Taliban recruitment film. This film has sold out more shows in advance (almost 400) than any other film EVER. Harry Medved of Fandango has been watching these screenings sellout all week and told me: "It's unusual for a female driven movie to inspire so much fan anticipation. You would usually associate sold out shows with a comic book movie or a sequel to a summer tentpole." Clearly there is an audience for adult female driven pictures and we are hoping that Hollywood will make more of them. We haven't seen anything like this before.

Hell fucken yeah bro.

Melissa continues:

...underneath all the superficiality, the issues the film addresses especially about how women still need to be married to feel safe and the many difficulties in sustaining different kinds of relationships are right on the money. The film goes far to show that you can be glamorous and sexual at at 50 - one of my favorite moments was Samantha's 50th birthday dinner. I'm not going to pretend that the film is for everyone and it's not an overtly feminist film. But I can't help but think that the girl power this film is engendering will go a lot further than a feminist film that doesn't get seen by the masses.

After watching the film, I must say, I liked it. To me, it felt like watching four episodes back-to-back, which is really what I enjoy doing anyway when I watch the shows on dvd. And even though the storyline was inevitably predictable, the movie still makes you work hard for that happy ending. Just like how love is in real life.

Wow. Did I just say that? FUUCK. See, this is what happens to me when I watch chick flicks.

Last Night's Dream

Since my promotion, my company has made it mandatory for me to have a blackberry. Despite my strong disdain for the cell phone, or any other electronic equipment that may potentially serve as a government tracking device, I have submitted to my employer like the obedient Chinese laborer that I am. In my heart, however, I still resist robot culture.

I have been a blackberry user for 9 months now. I don't use it much for the telephone, I'm not really a telephone type of person anyway. But email. That damn email. I have always been addicted to email, and now having access to email literally in the palm of my hand at all times, any time... oh goy! My once controlled and moderated addiction is now at a new extreme level. Some days I type away on my blackberry with great fondness and joy. Other days I want to throw it out the window. It's like any love/hate addiction, I suppose. Except ordinary people accept this addiction and I blame robot culture.

But I digress. I shall share my stories of resisting robot culture another day. This entry is entitled, Last Night's Dream, after all.

So I had this dream last night that I was on the toliet, struggling with #2. Finally I was able to push out what I thought would be a very impressive piece of turd to learn that I pooped out my blackberry!

Now I have already interpreted this dream in many ways. But I thought it would be best to ask the experts on Dreammoods.com.

I searched its dream dictionary for "cell phone" --

To see or use a cell phone in your dream, indicates that you are being receptive to new information.

Then I searched "feces" --

To see or come in contact with feces, signifies aspects of yourself that are dirty and negative and which you believe to be undesirable and repulsive. According to Freud, feces is related to possession, pride, shame, money/financial matters, or aggressive acts.

This must mean that I find access to information via crackberry undesirable and repulsive.

Wow. My dream is totally a cautionary tale, a warning to resist robot uprisings before it becomes part of your everyday shit!

NKOTB

I only heard the rumors, but their reunion is confirmed.

So these motherfuckers are back. And they're kinda hot in their suits. I'm a little sad they won't be touring Los Angeles.

Now its... ** DYY TRIVIA TIME ** !!!!

DYY's first concert EVER was New Kids On The Block!! Oh yeah!

My red hot date with Fedde Le Grand

Photos courtesy of Lady Pun

It was a better date than with Bob Sinclair, that's for sure.

A Break from Fedde, Part 1

Cheers, Ladies! I love you bitches.

A Break from Fedde, Part 2

DYY & LADY PUN, YO

Valentine's Day

I didn't make any chocolate chip cookies like I had indicated. I tried. But the 99 Cents Only store ran out of Pilsbury Doughboy cookie mix. So oh well.

But for Vday, I still tried the domesticity thing. It's actually not bad and kind of fun if you play house with the right people.

DV8 and I made dinner instead -- Pecan-crusted honey baked salmon, sauteed spinich with garlic, and brown rice simmered in onion soup.

By the way, I must mention that DV8 caught the salmon with his bare hands at a fishing expedition in Canada. It's quite amazing, I know. I suppose he's quite the hunter. If this were prehistoric days, our house would be a cave, we'd wear furry thongs, and it would likely be my job to scale and clean the captured fish for our consumption. Thank god it's modern times and we can hire people to do that for us. It's better that way. I like to do my part to promote the economy.

Speaking of prehistoric times, which usually leads me to think about evolution, here's an article, also fished out by DV8, that describes a newly discovered biological reason for why humans aren't good at monogamy. You should read it for yourself for full comprehension... but, basically, it's all about the battle of the sperm! They're aggressive little fuckers, aren't they? It's good I date stoners.

Ching Chonging Pandas

So it's common knowledge that the "best" commercials are premiered during the Superbowl. I watched some, they were okay. I missed this one though. Too bad, it could have been my all time favorite... I mean, who doesn't like pandas with thick Chinese accents? I wish I had a thick Chinese accent. To my disappointment, it was poorly received by viewers and the sponsor for the commercial apologized and promised to stop running them.

Touch me to watch video.

Gong Hay Fat Choy!

I like this photo a lot. The Rats are doing a dance off!!

Highly recommended

Persepolis is a 2007 Academy Award-nominated animated film based on the autobiographical graphic novel of the same name. The film was written and directed by Marjane Satrapi (author of the novel) and Vincent Paronnaud. The story begins just before the Iranian Revolution. Shown initially through the eyes of the nine-year-old Marjane, it shows how people's hopes for change were slowly dashed as the Islamic fundamentalists took power, forcing head coverings on women and imprisoning thousands; the story ends with Marjane as a 21-year-old expatriate. The title is a reference to the historical city of Persepolis.

Super Fat Tuesday

Although I would have been more excited if Obama won California (with only 30% of California precincts reporting at the moment, I still have faith that the tides may turn by morning...), I still thoroughly enjoyed my first ever Super (and) Fat Tuesday.

I made jambalaya for the first time ever:

I made it from scratch and used the crock pot Blu-tooth gave me for my birthday last year. It's my first time ever using a crock pot. It was surprisingly fun and easy. Yeah, I approve. And, yes, that's corn.

Here's an artsy photo of my jambalaya:


For my efforts, DV8 brought me mardi gras beads. I didn't even have to show my tits (though I felt compelled to, due to the holiday spirit).

This one is my favorite:


The festivities continued with election results on TV. We switched between Katie Couric on CBS and Brian Williams on NBC. Both sucked. But what can you do when you only have Channels 2 & 4?

I found the elections to be quite exciting, even the Republican race was fascinating... until Obama lost California. All of a sudden my Tuesday didn't feel as super or as fat. But I remain hopeful.

Giants Win!

I am so pleased to witness the Patriots lose this historic game. Everyone and their moms believed Patriots were going to win for sure. Oh well. It could have been an unprecedented, undefeated season for them. Too bad. And Tom Brady looked like he was going to cry. :)

And I WON $20!! Yes! I love winning money... more than seeing Tom Brady cry almost.

TGIF

Thank God It's FEBRUARY! So much to celebrate this month. And, believe it or not, I'm beginning the February festivities with the Superbowl. I'm currently watching on Blu-Tooth's new hi-def 40 inch HD plasma TV!! Dude, I don't even know what that means except the image is really pretty. Crisp vibrant colors and no fuzzy lines. And from what I understand, all the households have one of these. It's quite the rage.

In celebration of Superbowl 42, I made guacamole for our taco bar. I also plan to make some Nestle Tollhouse cookies for dessert. As you can see, domesticity = special day.

I aspire to be domestic on these other special days:

February 5 -- Super Fat Tuesday
Making jambalaya and watching election results wearing underwear and mardi gras beads.

February 7 -- CHINESE NEW YEAR!
Maybe I'll mix my own dipping sauce for hot pot at Blu-tooth's.

February 14 -- Valentine's Day
Making chocolate chip cookies for all my hos and bitches.

February 18 -- President's day
Sorry, I'm straight chillin. Maybe I'll make chili and clean the bathroom.

February 29 -- Leap Year
Thinking of bringing twinkies and hostess cup cakes to Lady Pun's Leap Year party at her new downtown loft. Seems appropos with things you should do and eat once every four years. Ooh, maybe I should bring some acid too.

Happy February to All!

Obama v. Clinton

So I watched the final democratic primary debate between Senator Obama and Senator Clinton. I am ashamed to admit that this is the first (and apparently the last) debate I watched this election season... and it was boring. Nothing like the previous spars I had unfortunately missed.

But I am very pleased to announce that watching tonight's debates affirmed my decision to VOTE FOR OBAMA. He impressed me with his response to the immigration issue. The question was:

How do you propose to address the high unemployment rates and the declining wages in the African-American community that are related to the flood of immigrant labor?"

And Obama's answer was:

Well, let me first of all say that I have worked on the streets of Chicago as an organizer with people who have been laid off from steel plants, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, and, you know, all of them are feeling economically insecure right now, and they have been for many years. Before the latest round of immigrants showed up, you had huge unemployment rates among African-American youth.

And, so, I think to suggest somehow that the problem that we're seeing in inner-city unemployment, for example, is attributable to immigrants, I think, is a case of scapegoating that I do not believe in, I do not subscribe to.

Word up, brother.

I believe Barack will be the agent of change. A radical change, I hope. Hilary brings with her the same old shit and I'm over it.

Interesting news

With all that is happening, I have been mostly consumed with the WGA strikes (cuz it's closely connected to my gig) and the primaries this year... it's so exciting! I love that there is no clear winner in either parties, unlike the upcoming Superbowl... I hate that the Patriots are favored to win. They are so fucken smug, especially Tom Brady. I just want to kick him in the groin. But I digress.

Despite my narrow interests lately, I found these articles most fascinating.

• Meat consumption is analogous to oil consumption (please read, it's very persuasive)
  

• The power of our period (Women rock! We produce natural healing properties... like aloe vera)
  

• Infliction of emotion distress by Blue Man Group (I don't know why, but reading this made me chuckle like a stupid little boy)

Who bounced better?

Dude, you gotta choose me. I make a great Chinaman face at the end.


But my nephew's performance was excellent as well. Sudden and immediate aggression is always appealing.

It's Chuck E Cheese, Bitch

Wicked picture, huh?

For my nephew's birthday, I treated him to an afternoon of Chuck E. Cheese.

Dude, I haven't been to a Chuck E Cheese in 20 years. I forgot how much fun it is. There is definitely something more appealing about hanging with white trash and immigrant kids than going to the some expensive children's museum that serves organic peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and soy milk for $20. The parents and children are grossly smug. Like you want to slap them in the face. But at ChuckECheese, it's very humble, affordable and fun... and I'm like the richest person there! I felt like we had limitless tokens, a sense of comfort and satisfaction that I have never felt before. I grew up frequenting CEC with about $3 max. It was always spent very quickly.

For lunch we purchased a small cheese pizza, an all-you-can-eat salad plate, milk and beer. I was the only one at ChuckECheese consuming beer, by the way. Before I purchased it, I had to agree to all these stringent rules, like not leave my beer on the table, take it everywhere with you, do not feed to children, etc. So when my nephew needed to do number 2 in bathroom, I brought the beer into stall, as I am a law-abiding citizen. It wasn't the best combination with bud light, but better than without!

After lunch, we played ski ball. I love that shit. In fact, we struck jackpot! The aisle I was playing on starting spewing tickets continuously and non-stop. I thought it was going to go on forever and I debated whether I should walk away... but I couldn't. I started looking around hoping no one was watching me. Everyone, however, was staring with envious eyes. I collected about 150 tickets before it finally stopped. We ran to our booth and counted the tickets immediately. My nephew and I counted together. When we reached past 100 or so, I felt giddy and light-headed.

We won 354 tickets total. We exchanged our tickets for a top, a mini soccer ball and a ring. Yeah, I know. It seems like a lot of effort for some cheap mini plastic toys. They're probably toxic too.

Here's a question: Why do parents allow their children to steal tickets? As my tickets spewed out of that defective but lovely machine and coiled along the ground, toddlers would come from no where and try to steal my tickets! I'm like, hey, those are mine! Then they look at me with fear and run away. Parents stand by silent. I'm like, dude, you need to control your kids. They should thank me for teaching their fucken children for thieves not to disobey the law.

Here's another question: Do you think parents realize that ChuckE is a rat? And his friends are street animals, including a cracked-out bird and a dingy mutt, both likely infested with rabies? I felt like, dude, whoever thought of this theme is laughing his/her way to the bank!

Other games we played: air hockey and fuze ball with hockey players (is that table hockey then?). My nephew was addicted and couldn't stop playing. I was surprised and secretly delighted how naturally adept he was with such games. I kind of feel like air hockey and fuze ball are for older kids, not for my five year old nephew. But he obviously is far more superior in adoitness than other children his age and beyond. I'm not sure why, but I like it.

OMG

Dude, I just read my last three posts... Am I turning into a hippie? I really am, aren't I? Should I be concerned? I kind of feel like I should be.

My only saving grace is that I crave pop tarts right now. I wish I had the cinnamon flavored ones. Instead I'm snacking on quinoa crackers and seitan dip.

How to Grow Your Own Food

So I have a personalized google page at work where I added a wikiHow section. I haven't found too many of the listed topics that interesting, except how to talk to your cat (which apparently, according to the list, I already know how to do) and today's HOW TO GROW YOUR OWN FOOD.

I can't wait for the opportunity to grow hemp and poppy! And perhaps squash or some shit.

Another baby boom

(Dude, you can find the strangest pictures on the internet...)

So I have been watching local news because I do not have cable and, as a result, only am able to pick up two fuzzy channels (CBS & NBC) through the antenna (old school, baby!). Anyway, local news in Los Angeles is really, really stupid and is likely dumbing down Angelenos... but I did learn that the United States is now experiencing another baby boom, the first in 45 years! And the US is the only industrialized country to experience such an increase... hmm, could it be that the premise behind the movie, Idiocracy, could be coming true? Better get use to drinking electolytes then... it's what we crave!

All joking aside, I wonder if any of these procreators considered the ecological and fiscal impact of another baby boom? I'm not objecting to folks having babies, but I just wonder if any of this is a consideration.

It's interesting when people say that having children is the most self-less act a person can do... You know, I'm just not so sure of that....

"Humanity must drastically scale down its industrial activities on Earth, change its consumption lifestyles, stabilize and then reduce the size of the human population by humane means, and protect and restore wild ecosystems and the remaining wildlife on the planet." -- The Wildlands Project

Mmm mmm good?!

A cow and her cloned heifer

The U.S. government ruled today that food from cloned animals and their offspring is as safe as other food, opening the door to bringing meat and milk from clone offspring into the food supply.

I feel so dirty and defeated. I can't believe this is happening. Join me in vegetarianism before we grow tails out of our asses!

Hookers for Jesus

Peeps, check this article out. Next time I'm in Vegas, I'm going to look for these bitches so I can get a HOOKERS FOR JESUS tshirt.

On that note, happy new year everyone!

My theme for this year is:

BALANCE OXIDANTS WITH ANTI-OXIDANTS.

You can interpret that both literally and figuratively.

Check out themes from previous years.

Also, I plan on returning to blogging... yay! And since I neglected blogging for much of 2007, expect me to be like a VHI special and report hightlights of 2007 only a month into the new year!