Double Happiness

On Saturday, I went to two wedding parties. Can you believe it? Double weddings in one night. Despite the agonizing thought, I actually had lots of fun. Christy and Peter exchanged vows at the City Club on the 54th floor of the Wells Fargo Building in Downtown, where we were very fortunate to receive free mouthwash in the restrooms. It shoots out from a dispenser. Can you say, swanky? I can. Here's Lady Pun and I doing a toast of peppermint mouthwash for the new husband and wife, who by the way, are so lovely. I am so happy for them. They're honeymooning in Italy right now. Fucken bitches.

The good spirits followed me to Khanum and Syed's wedding party in Mount Washington, at yet another fancy location. A rich and very generous friend's house. The new bride and groom looked stunning, as always. And as always, they partied Bollywood style -- johnnie walker, bhangra and tons of samosas. But no mouthwash.

Finally, I can't even attempt to broach the subject of weddings without giving a proper SHOUT OUT to CuzzieND who married her man in September 2006. Yeah, I'm kind of late in my reporting. Sorry, girl. But check it. We're going to re-live the moment through pictures.

This is my favorite picture of them. They're like, What?

My parents, YY and WYY (Wife of Yip Yee).
You can't tell, but they were ECSTATIC to be at my cousin's wedding.
I couldn't calm their excitement.

Here's Cuzzie after she changed into her Chinese wedding dress. Meow!

Happy Four Twenty!

Sunglasses

Last night, I went to this old-school Mexican bar/club in downtown that hosts "Hipster Thursdays." That's what I call it anyway. Despite this, the club played this song. It was brilliant.

The Warm on Terror

A government-funded report issued last week by a group of retired U.S. generals and admirals says global warming is a security risk. The Military Advisory Board says climate change "can act as a threat multiplier," with severe weather and drought leading to mass migrations, battles over food and water, and the spread of disease. Noting that conflicts in places like Darfur and Somalia began with drought and other resource shortages, the report urges the U.S. to "commit to a stronger national and international role to help stabilize climate changes at levels that will avoid significant disruption to global security and stability." It also says military bases in some areas are vulnerable to rising seas. Former Army chief of staff Gen. Gordon R. Sullivan says he has moved from skeptic to believer: "The trends are not good, and if I just sat around in my former life as a soldier, if I just waited around for someone to walk in and say, 'This is with 100 percent certainty,' I'd be waiting forever."

I'm metamorphosing into a hippie

I have been fearful of this. But it's slowly and unwittingly becoming my reality.

I was super EXCITED to receive Dr. Bronner's magic soap as a gift from Tonkhero, after I expressed my desire to also have a complexion of a fifteen year old girl. Read about the soap's organic ingredients that support and encourage sustainable argriculture, ecological processing methods and fair trade. Also, Dr. Bronner's missive on social responsibility is a must-read. He seems a bit crazy, but the man makes sense to me.

Then, instead of my standard fare of alcoholic beverages and/or store-bought goodies, I made a hippie dippie casserole for Minnie Mouse's potluck this weekend. The ingredients include... (drum roll, please)... mashed sweet potatoes, ground soy mixed with vegetables and organic nonfat plain yogurt, and organic refried black beans with organic gouda cheese sprinkled on top.

What is happening to me?? HELP!!

Beware of FLOPS

How can I write about new animals without discussing FLOPS?!?!

A couple of weekends ago, I returned to Anza Borrengo to celebrate Tonkhero's birthday. The celebratory event turned out to be a weekend of discovery and learning, especially about the negative effects of global warming. Let me introduce you to a FLOP:


Don't even try. You ain't going to find any information about a FLOP in the world wide web. FLOPS are an entirely new species, a by-product of global warming actually. Since we were the first to discover FLOPS, we took the liberty to name them (thanks to the Lady Pun) as well as study them on behalf of the human race. Just remember you learned it here first.

What is it?
A FLOP is the retarded mutant cousin of a fruit fly, a little insect about 3mm long. While fruit flies live and prosper in moist areas, the FLOP lives in the arid dry heat of the desert. Because there is not enough water in the desert for FLOPS to survive, their total life expectancy last only 3 hours.

Life cycle of a Flop
The flop egg is about half a millimeter long. It takes about ten minutes after fertilization for the embryo to develop and hatch into a worm-like larva that flies! The larva eats and grows continuously, molting one minute, two minutes, and four minutes after hatching (first, second and third instars). After six minutes as a third instar larva, it molts one more time to form a pupa. Over the next hour, the body is completely remodeled to give the adult winged form, which then hatches from the pupal case and lives for 3 hours.

Research on Flops
There is none. Until now.

We discovered that flops are extremely complex organisms. Embryonic development is where most of the attention is concentrated, but there is also a great deal of interest in how various adult structures develop in the pupa, mostly focused on the development of the compound eye, but also on the wings, legs and other organs.

We observed:

(1) Since Flops have a short life expectancy, they love to get together and party. They roll deep and fly around like it's 1999.

(2) Flops are harmless and good-intentioned, but extremely annoying and relentless, and tend to occupy more space than appreciated by humans. But they can't really help it. There are like billions and billions of them. Kind of like Chinese people.

(3) Essentially, flops are all over the place -- your clothes, your food, all over your body. We felt anxious about the flops, especially the small larvae ones, flying into our noses and ears. I think they got stuck in my hair and chilled in the crevices of my body.

Below are some campers who tried to shield themselves away from the flops:

It was a futile attempt. You can't tell from the picture because my camera only has 3.2 mega pixels, but the flops were all over these ladies, and the lenses of my camera. Too bad the flops are so small we couldn't capture them in this photo. If you saw how many flops were flying around, you would be kind of disgusted.

(4) But interestingly, you don't get disgusted. Flops are clean insects that do not spread germs... yet. We predict that future generations of flops may carry deadly diseases as their immune systems get stronger, and they become far more physically and intellectually superior than humans.

DON'T LET FLOPS DOMINATE THE WORLD.

STOP GLOBAL WARMING NOW.

New animals in my consciousness

I spent this past weekend in Northern California, celebrating my girl Christy's status as a bride-to-be. And since I was in the area, I visited my family in San Jose and celebrated a non-sectarian Easter with them. The weekend was fun and lovely. Thank you for asking.

What got excited me over the weekend was the new creatures now in my consciousness. For example, on route to Sebastopol (I know, right?) for our new age-y spa treatments, a huge bird that I swear looked like a turkey flew low above our car. I was like, is that a turkey? No one in the car knew. Finally when we arrived at the farm house (I know, right?) to meet Christy and company, another bird of its kind flew above us and Christy announced, "Oh, there's another turkey vulture." I was like, no way! They're actually called turkey vultures! Cool.

To learn more about our new feathered friends, check out this website full of fun facts about turkey vultures, thanks to the Turkey Vulture Society (I know, right?).

On Monday, I went with my sister and the boys to the Monterey Bay Aquarium in, you guessed it, Monterey, CA.

Aquarium photos beautifully taken with love by DYY

I love aquariums! So do my nephews!

I was so excited to learn that the MBA just developed a new sea otter exhibit too!

As you may know from my last trip to Washington state, sea otters became one of my all-time favorite animals. They're just so adorable.

But the creature that stole the show were... the jellyfishes!

I am embarrassed to admit that I don't think I have ever seen a live jellyfish. I now realize that not only do they serve as a super tasty treat in dim sum and other fine cuisines, they are beautiful too!

Here's a close-up picture of one. Isn't it exquisite?

Here's a picture of a group of white ones in front of a black background.
They are very photogenic.

Lastly, here is a cool picture I took of a school of sardines.

I can watch schools of fish swim around a tank all day. It must be the psychedelic stoner in me.

Once again...

Sexism is ignored and subordinated to racism.

As I'm sure you all know, shock jock Don Imus is busted by the public for calling members of the Rutgers women's basketball team "some nappy-headed hos."

The National Association of Black Journalists has demanded the immediate firing of the "Imus in the Morning" host. On Monday, the Rev. Jesse Jackson led a 50 person protest in Chicago outside of NBC's offices demanding his dismissal. Al Sharpton denounced the comment on his syndicated radio show as "racist" and "abominable," adding: "You should be fired for saying it."

I even overheard the women on THE VIEW talk about it while I was doing my taxes at my sister's house. They spoke about how such racial remarks can really affect each of the player's self-image. After all, they're just students.

As a double minority, I am proud when a community of color stands in solidarity against racial slurs and stereotypes, and demands accountability. I love it actually. But time and time again, and particularly in this situation, I am disappointed with that same community of color, as well as the feminist community, for hardly addressing the disparaging sexist comment made in the same breath. In fact, Imus' executive producer, Bernard McGuirk, called the team "some hard-core hos" before Imus made his stupid comment. Yet no one is asking McGuirk to resign. Believe me, if Imus never added the "nappy-headed" and just called the players "hos", there would be no news. Imus would still be on the air today, feeling secure and happy about his job and making misogynist remarks, without anyone feeling offended.

Thank you for "A Christmas Story"

Director Bob Clark, who is well known for directing the films A Christmas Story, Black Christmas, and Porky's, has died after being involved in a car crash outside of Los Angeles on Wednesday, April 4. Both he and his 22-year-old son died after their vehicle collided head-on with an SUV of a drunk driver veering into Clark's lane.

Rest in peace, my friend. "A Christmas Story" is genius and one of my favorite films. It made me appreciate sarcasm on another level. And for that I am forever grateful.

Disturbing or Endearing... you decide!

"The strangest thing I've tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father," said Keith Richards, the 63 year old Rolling Stones guitarist who was was quoted in comments published by British music magazine NME on Tuesday.

"He was cremated and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn't have cared," he said. "... It went down pretty well, and I'm still alive."

Kikikikiki

Update on Struvites

This is an email to my co-workers in response to "Hey, have you heard from xxx yet?"

So after being ignored for several weeks, I call xxx and demand a status on my claim. Fortunately I have been sufficiently trained by our members on how to make such a request.

The Senior Claims Manager regrettably informs me that my struvite samples got LOST on route to the Quality Assurance Department. Like most urine samples, I guess the struvites eventually decomposed and evaporated into thin air.

The SCM then asks for my last sample (still in an air-tight envelope in my possession). I said NO WAY! Then she suggests that I conduct home experiments to determine the nature of the substance. She suggests:

• Examine the substance to see if it's shaped like a crystal or a piece of glass

(I told her it looks like a piece of glass)

• Try crushing the substance with your fingers

(I responded that the "substance" cut my mouth, I doubt I would want to crush it with my bare hands)

• Pour hot water or vinegar on the substance to see if it dissolves

(I said um, no, thank you)

So she is now getting the corporate manufacturer to arrange for a third party to retrieve and investigate the final sample I have.

The struvite saga continues… I better get at least a nominal gift certificate for this...

New BFFs

Venezuela said on Saturday it was working on a raft of oil deals with China, giving impetus to President Hugo Chavez's attempts to break his country's dependence on oil exports to the United States.

"The United States as a power is on the way down, China is on the way up. China is the market of the future," said Chavez.

Why hate St. Jude?

So my sister-in-law kindly emails me... but with very, very bad news.

Remember that giant mural of St. Jude on 26th St? Someone had the audacity to paint over it!!! That Jesus-like image (non-christian/catholic folks like me called him Jesus) was a pseudo cultural landmark of Bridgeport/Chinatown. It's been there since I was born at least. Paint me shocked. I swore you had a blog entry about it, but couldn't find it. Anyway, what used to be the Hungry Hound is now a Mexican place...they painted the logo over St. Jude. It's hideous. We can't find our digital camera, otherwise you'd get a pic.

What a travesty. It's not like the perpetrators even replaced St. Jude with something better, like this:

Let's all smoke in memory of St. Jude.
May he live in our hearts and minds forever.

Favorite lyrics at the moment

Yes, it's by my girl Amy Winehouse.
This song is entitled FUCK ME PUMPS. It's even better sung by her.

When you walk in the bar,
And you dressed like a star,
Rockin' your F me pumps.

And the men notice you,
With your Gucci bag crew,
Can't tell who he's lookin' to.

Cuz you all look the same,
Everyone knows your name,
And that's your whole claim to fame.

Never miss a night,
Cuz your dream in life,
Is to be a footballers wife.
You don't like players,
That's what you say-a,
But you really wouldn't mind a millionaire.

You don't like ballers,
They don't do nothing for ya,
But you'd love a rich man six foot two or taller.

You're more than a fan,
Lookin' for a man,
But you end up with one-nights-stands.

He could be your whole life,
If you got past one night,
But that part never goes right.

In the morning you're vexed,
He's onto the next,
And you didn't even get no taste.

Don't be too upset,
If they call you a skank,
Cuz like the news everyday you get pressed.

You can't sit down right,
Cuz your jeans are too tight,
And your lucky its ladies night.

With your big empty purse,
Every week it gets worse,
At least your breasts cost more than hers.

So you did Miami,
Cuz you got there for free,
But somehow you missed the plane.

You did too much E,
Met somebody,
And spent the night getting caned.

Without girls like you,
There'd be no fun,
We'd go to the club and not see anyone.

Without girls like you,
There's no nightlife,
All those men just go home to their wives.

Don't be mad at me,
Cuz you're pushing thirty,
And your old tricks no longer work.

You should have known from the job,
That you always get dumped,
So dust off your fuck me pumps

Here's another called ADDICTED. This is classic.

Tell your boyfriend next time he around
To buy his own weed and don't wear my shit down
I wouldn't care if bro would give me some more
I'd rather him leave you then leave him my draw

When you smoke all my weed man
You gotta call the green man
So I can get mine and you get yours

Once is enough to make me attack
So bring me a bag and your man can come back
I'll check him at the door make sure he got green
I'm tighter than airport security teams

When you smoke all my weed man
You gotta call the green man
So I can get mine and you get yours

I'm my own man so when will you learn
That you got a man but I got to burn
Don't make no difference if I end up alone
I'd rather have myself a smoke my homegrown
It's got me addicted, does more than any dick did

Totally, totally bummed

I was suppose to see Amy Winehouse perform at Spaceland tonight. Queen Bee, the woman who hardly goes out on a school night and is usually asleep by 9 pm, was going to accompany me too.

But Bitch cancelled her show! WTF!! Perez Hilton, the notorious gossip gangsta, reports that Amy often cancels shows because she's recovering from a night of hard partying. Dude, I report to work everyday, despite nights of hard partying. Amy needs to learn from DYY. Of course she probably doesn't need the money as bad as I do. Hence, I go to work hungover while Amy is chillin at home watching cartoons and eating caviar and shit.

I'm still lucky though. On Friday night, I went to see Peter Kruder (of Kruder & Dorfmeister) dj at King King. IT WAS AMAZING. He dj-ed from 12:30 am until 4 am! We stayed until closing and continued the festivities at Little Panda's place. Such good times! It ruined me for the rest of the weekend, but I returned (groggy) to work on Monday, unlike Amy...

Speaking of bong hits 4 Jesus...

I'm reminded of how I promised Blu-tooth that I would blog about WITNESS LEE and WATCHMAN NEE, founders of her church and the "Recovery Movement."

I discovered these two gentlemen are very popular (they're even on WIKI!) as I found many websites devoted to analyzing, critiquing, supporting or debunking their teachings of Christ. In fact, I was not prepared to find so much information. My brain totally shut down (I think it's a defense mechanism actually). Like the dork I am, I had wanted to blog about Witness and Watchman only because I thought their names were funny. But everything about them is quite serious and not funny at all... except hymns homeboys wrote on their own!! I am so pleased to find them. Here's a prized example:

All sinners are the slaves of sin,
All poisoned by death's sting;
Christ only can from sin and death
A full deliverance bring.
He is the Everlasting One,
Who longs to set us free;
If we do not believe in Him,
We'll die in misery.

I would LOVE it if Blu-tooth lulled me to sleep with this hymn. I bet I would sleep like a baby.

If it's not FREE, at least it's AWESOME

The Supreme Court heard oral arguments today regarding a First Amendment free speech case that involved the banner above. OMG. These kids are AWESOME!

Here's the skinny:

The case involves Joseph Frederick, a then 18-year-old high school senior in Alaska who was suspended for 10 days after displaying a "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" banner across the street from his high school during the Winter Olympics Torch Relay in 2002. When he and his friends displayed the banner, then-principal Deborah Morse ran across the street and seized it. Morse initially suspended Frederick for five days for violating the school district's anti-drug policy, but increased the suspension to 10 days after he refused to give the names of his fellow participants and quoted Thomas Jefferson on free speech.

Again, this kid is AWESOME.

Does he look like a mastermind to you?

The FBI just reported that Khalid Sheikh Mohammed confessed to "masterminding" the 9/11 attacks and other awful atrocities including beheading American journalist Daniel Pearl. His statement was made after FOUR YEARS of illegal detainment (and interrogation and torture) in Guantanamo Bay.

I don't know. Seems dubious to me.

Yet another 10 year anniversary

Today marks the 10th anniversary of Biggie's death. He was gunned down on the corner of Fairfax and Wilshire, only a couple of blocks from where I reside, after attending a Soul Train Music Awards after-party at the Peterson Automotive Museum. I believe the LAPD has yet to resolve the case and determine his murderer(s).

I remember hearing the news that day and feeling sad. Biggie was one of the best hip hop lyricists EVER. Whether you're a hip hop fan or not, no true music aficionado's collection is complete without Biggie's "Ready to Die." At the ripe age of 24, Biggie's death is a monumental loss in hip hop. No one has even come close to the talents this man had. His legacy remains.

Happy International Women's Day!

(Please note that I started this post on the date indicated above but sadly was too busy to finish it. Don't get confused, ok? I don't want you going around wishing women a happy day and looking foolish and ignorant. You should have done that last Thursday, though it's a good thing to greet someone in the spirit of feminism. Anyway, thank you for your patience.)

To my Sisters in the struggle, this is OUR day. You are special and beautiful, and DYY loves you very much. So shine, bitches, shine!

In celebration of OUR day, a group of my female friends (including Tron, of course) and I went to check out Andrea Zittel's CRITICAL SPACE exhibit at the MOCA Geffen Contemporary. She's the featured artist of WACK! Art and the Feminist Revolution, the latest big exhibition at MOCA. I attended the member's party last Saturday. Le Tigre was dj'ing and they were cool and all but it was fucken crazy crowded and we had to wait in line for a long while before we were allowed to enter the museum to see the exhibition. To my chagrin (since I don't do lines anymore, well, not those types of lines), most of the art and artists were uninspiring... EXCEPT Andrea Zittel who is amazing and is my absolute favorite artist at the moment. Seriously, I wish I could be her.

Andrea was even better and more inspiring the second time around. I encourage everyone to check out her exhibit. You will be in awe.

For a far better description, check out her biography here. But this is why I adore her: She incorporates art in her everyday life and challenges that life with her art. She pushes our conception and construction of time and physical space. For example, she would create these tiny living spaces that incorporate a bedroom, bathroom, or whatever, and maximize the space so that every inch is utilitarian and functional, yet super designy and modern... so when you look at it, you think to yourself, damn this space is small, but I think I can live like this because everything looks so cute and comfortable.

Did you know that many of her structures can be folded into a trunk (which I had not noticed the first time)? Not only does she challenge the fallacy that bigger is better, she also believes in self-sustainable living and makes all her own very stylish clothes, furniture and architecture.

I am once again inspired to learn how to sew! I wish I knew how to make cool shit. Since her exhibit, I have also been thinking philosophically about my own lifestyle and my perpetual quest to downsize and minimize in order to truly expand and maximize. It's a struggle, man... but I've come to realize that the creativity and adaptivity that derives from such a struggle is really amazing and quite fulfilling. It's a natural high.

I can really go on and on about Andrea's pieces as she's quite prolific and diverse. But I know I'm not doing her any justice so visit her website for a glimpse of her genius. By the way, Andrea's a part-time resident of Joshua Tree and creates a majority of her art and conducts experiments there. Now do you see why I want to be this bitch?

Reunions

I generally have no interest in reunions organized by academic institutions. Cared less about my high school and college ones. Didn't even know when they occurred. Definately not going to my law school one. In fact, I try to avoid communication altogether with my law school, but they always seem to successfully track my place of employment (it's the California Bar's fault) and send me endless information via US and electronic mail. Once in a while, they call me at work... probably to solicit a donation that, haven't they realized, I will NEVER give because I FUCKEN HATE THEM? Fortunately, I have an assistant who screens all my calls. Just the other day, I advised her that when I receive mail from UCLAW, immediately throw it in the recycler. Thank you.

But this posting isn't about how much I despise UCLAW though I can go on and on.

This past weekend, the Asian American Studies Program at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign celebrated its 10th anniversary. This means that a little shy of 10 years ago, Asian American Studies did not exist at U of I. And since I graduated a little shy of 10 years ago (fuck!), I unfortunately was not a benefactor. Nor were my friends:

"Old Skool Gang" circa 1997

Asian Pacific Islanders were (and probably still are) the largest minority group on campus, yet we were the only racial minority group that lacked a formal orientation program, a studies program and a cultural center. The administration labled us an "overrepresented minority."

A fucken oxymoron, that's what we were.

Despite relentless demands to the contrary, we were often ignored and silenced. It wasn't fair and definately discriminatory. But we students persisted, and learned to be creative and self-reliant.

Ms. Vida (far right female pictured above) created a formal orientation program for new Asian American students called "Asiantation" that I believe continues today. We created our own alumni networks; scholarship/mentorship/award programs; cultural and political events; and leadership/activism conferences. We struggled to build coalitions and a collective consciousness among myriad API groups, all of which we felt obligated to assume leadership roles. Like Tupac said, it's all about you. And truly it was all about us, as it was clearly evident that U of I didn't give a shit about API students.

Despite not having a formal program, I believe there were two "trial" classes in my four years of attendence and I took both. One was an introductory course to Asian American history taught by a wonderful Filipina graduate student. My final paper was about Asian American beauty (or was it stereotypes in Asian beauty?). I also took an Asian American literature class. I don't recall the professor, but I do remember the small intimate class and how we really enjoyed such a unique space for class discussions. Dude, you have to check out the AAS courses now. I am so jealous.

Needless to say, I really wanted to attend this reunion. It wasn't possible for me, though a few of us did attend and reported back. The stories and pictures seem amazing, almost unbelievable that the students now have a full-fledged, university-sponsored studies program AND cultural center. At the same time, I can't believe we didn't have these services in the fairly recent past, and how API students across the nation protested and struggled and engaged in hunger strikes, just so that they could formally learn about our people's history and contributions in America.

Lastly, Vida said something in her very detailed report to us that is very important:

"One thing I said during the [alumni roundtable] panel was that I recall many of us said we would not donate money to the University for as long as: 1) there was no AA Studies; 2) there was no AA Cultural Center; 3) there was the Chief*. Well folks, as of a couple weeks ago, all those barriers have been removed. If you want you can donate to the Cultural Center and Studies Program - tax deductible. Asian American Alumni Network is working on clearing their tax deductible status. Also, I know that we’ve all thrown around the idea of possibly creating a scholarship. Now would be a possible time to start discussing that more?"

Well, I'm sure you can guess which institution will be giving me my next tax-deduction. GO ILLINI!

*OMG. Can you believe that about the Chief? I would have never imagined in my wildest dreams that U of I was gonna give up Chief Illiniwek and its retrograde racist ways. Thank god. Welcome to 2007 yo.

I'm doing it

It's official. Starting today for two months, I am now a lacto-ovo-pesco vegetarian. Excuse the latin. It means I still eat dairy, eggs and seafood. But no beef, pork, chicken, duck, etc. Blu-tooth has also decided to do this with me, but she's going to be strictly vegetarian. I'm actually excited and feel confident that it will not be difficult. I hope.

In preparation of the big day, I ate bacon all last weekend and had Korean BBQ for lunch yesterday. I had wanted to eat tacos from my favorite taco truck last night but Tron made dinner instead and made sure to include lots of meat. Of course that's how he regularly cooks.

Some have asked, why? Why forgo and deny myself the foods of the Gods? Besides the fact that vegetarianism is a more sustainable way of living, I'm just not interested in eating hormone-induced, genetically modified meats anymore. And I'm definately not going to eat cloned meats. So my goal is to try it for a couple of months to see how difficult it would be, if at all. I think it may be easier than we all think.

Why I Love Blacks

Dude, I was near USC tonight and saw that Inferno Affairs is playing at the Magic Johnson Theaters for late Friday and Saturday shows. This is why I love black people... because they appreciate Hong Kong gangster movies. And kung fu movies. And shrimp fried rice.

I say this in light of a recent opinion piece written by Kenneth Eng in Asian Week entitled, "Why I Hate Blacks."

It's pretty awful. But I'm more stunned and dismayed that Asian Week, a fairly political and (once) respected Asian American publication in the Bay Area, actually permitted the publication of Eng's piece. Sure, Asian Week issued an apology. But I think it's too late. Asian Week is fucked.

My first heavy metal concert

As a social experiment, I agreed to accompany Pure White to see the following bands:



Can you believe it? It was actually fun. Here are my keen observations:

1) Heavy metal enthusiasts have perfected the head nodding as well as the devil's horn hand sign.

I wish I could easily whip out a devil's horn sign but it's not instinctual for me. I actually have to think about it. And the head nodding... dude, who said white people don't have any rhythm? They do when they jam to heavy metal, that's for sure. But I do worry for their brains... all that nodding, especially the head twirl, cannot be good for the preservation of brain cells. For true enthusiasts, I recommend fish oil pills before attending a concert. Also, ear plugs are key.

2) Speaking of devil's horns, is that why every lead singer sounds like Satan? I'm sure it's no coincidence that Lamb of God sung a song entitled, "Take a Walk with Me in Hell."

3) There were only like ten women in attendence. When Pure White and I arrived at the Wiltern, I was the only person in the women's security line and had to wait for Jeff to be cleared. The lead singer of Machine Head also made a comment about naked heavy metal chicks... all 17 of us. Ironically, despite the lack of female presence, I still had to wait in line at the women's bathroom!

4) Mosh pits are fascinating. There's a certain synchronicity to the hyper-aggressive ritual. At first glance, it seems violent and scary. But after a while, you realize that, what all those stupid boys are doing is simply pushing each other in circles. I now see that moshing is actually a form of dance. In fact, I couldn't stop watching it from above. What's even more intriguing is whenever someone from the audience began to body surf on top of the crowd, the big black body guards in the front row would immediately stop it. Yet they never stopped the moshing. So it made me think that the Wiltern's liability insurance probably doesn't cover negligent falls from body surfing. Injuries from moshing, however, are probably cheaper to insure. God, I get sick when I realize how much I think like a lawyer.

Overall, my first heavy metal concert was enjoyable. I don't know if I would go again, but I'm glad I went. Thanks, Pure White!

Kind of bogus

The Academy yet again for the second year in a row chose the wrong picture for BEST PICTURE. I acknowledge that The Departed is a good film. And, yes, I enjoyed it very much. But is it really Oscar worthy when it's a RE-MAKE of a very well-known Hong Kong movie, INFERNAL AFFAIRS?

To me, The Departed seems less authentic and, therefore, less Oscar worthy. Also, Martin Scorsese pretty much copied the original movie scene for scene. Do you remember the last scene of Leonardo shot dead with the elevator door continuously trying to close but is blocked by Leonardo's feet? In the original, that's Tony Leung dead on the floor with his feet blocking the elevator door.

And yes, in the original, almost everyone dies by the end. I don't understand why everyone was so pleased that everyone dies in The Departed. They're like, wow, that's so original. I'm like, dude, that's how most Hong Kong action movies end. Big fucken deal. You better recognize.

I know what you're thinking... copying a good movie would still make a good movie, right? Perhaps. But Infernal Affairs is better because the directors as well as the actors were able to more accurately capture and convey the deep psyche of Cantonese cops and gangsters-- that (1) we, as complex human beings, are both good and bad at the same time and must struggle with that daily, especially when you're undercover, and (2) don't trust anyone, especially when you're undercover. I think Scorsese tried to convey this but it just wasn't enough. This blogger agrees with me, while this blogger actually gives a detailed side-by-side comparison of both movies.

Although I do not believe that The Departed is Oscar worthy, I think it's cool that Scorsese won. Poor old man, it's about time he wins!*

*Too bad for Peter O'Toole though. He was EXCELLENT in Venus, but I still rooted for Forest Whitaker, who was also EXCELLENT in The Last King of Scotland. It's kind of like how I rooted for Ruben Studdard over Clay Aiken even though both were pretty damn good. That's just the way life goes, I suppose.

It's on!

I don't normally just cut and paste but this one is so good... and by one of my favorite bloggers (a guilty pleasure)... the gossip gangsta himself, PEREZ HILTON:

That little muckraker!

Movie mogul David Geffen has stirred up a whirlwind of trouble in the Democratic party as a result of these comments he made in The New York Times about former President Bill Clinton and his wife Hilary.

Said Geffen, "Everybody in politics lies, but they [the Clintons] do it with such ease, it's troubling."

He added, "I don't think anybody believes that in the last six years, all of a sudden Bill Clinton has become a different person..

According to Geffen, Bill Clinton is "a reckless guy" who "gave his enemies a lot of ammunition to hurt him and to distract the country."

And as for Hilary? He says, "It's not a very big thing to say, 'I made a mistake' on the war, and typical of Hillary Clinton that she can't. She's so advised by so many smart advisers who are covering every base. I think that America was better served when the candidates were chosen in smoke-filled rooms."

He wasn't done with her yet, though.

More on Hilary!

Says Geffen, "Not since the Vietnam War has there been this level of disappointment in the behavior of America throughout the world, and I don't think that another incredibly polarizing figure, no matter how smart she is and no matter how ambitious she is -- and God knows, is there anybody more ambitious than Hillary Clinton? -- can bring the country together."

Not happy at all, Hilary's spokesperson released a statement criticizing both Geffen and Senator Barak Obama, Clinton's chief campaign rival and the recipient of a lot of money from Dreamworks' David.

Said the statement, "While Sen. Obama was denouncing slash and burn politics yesterday, his campaign's finance chair was viciously and personally attacking Sen. Clinton and her husband. If Sen. Obama is indeed sincere about his repeated claims to change the tone of our politics, he should immediately denounce these remarks, remove Mr. Geffen from his campaign and return his money. While Democrats should engage in a vigorous debate on the issues, there is no place in our party or our politics for the kind of personal insults made by Sen. Obama's principal fundraiser."

Barack, not one to shy away from confrontation, shot back.

Obama countered, "It's not clear to me why I'd be apologizing for someone else's remark. I have said repeatedly I have the utmost respect for Sen. Clinton and have considered her an ally in the Senate and will continue to consider it that way throughout this campaign."

And, making things even nastier, Barack's spokesperson said the following, "We aren't going to get in the middle of a disagreement between the Clintons and someone who was once one of their biggest supporters. It is ironic that the Clintons had no problem with David Geffen when [he] was raising them $18 million and sleeping at their invitation in the Lincoln bedroom. It is also ironic that Sen. Clinton lavished praise on Monday and is fully willing to accept today the support of South Carolina state Sen. Robert Ford, who said if Barack Obama were to win the nomination, he would drag down the rest of the Democratic Party because 'he's black.'"

Oh, shit. It's on!

And, it's only gonna get nastier from here!

Update

Commercial Zap is the bomb. No scrubbing required and the mold disappeared. Poof. Died and shit.

Let's pause for a moment to thank the golden pig for such a blessing.

Year of the Golden Pig -- It's hot pot time!

The MakJueYee House hosted its annual Chinese New Year Hot Pot Extravaganza on Sunday in celebration of the Golden Pig. Unfortunately, due to poor planning, we didn't purchase a roasted piglet like we wanted to. Still, we did have:

The Pig, which we later fried up as bacon for snacking, thx to Chef Inda:


And for the first time ever, our very own FOB sauce table with an incense fruit plate to boot! Don't you love the table cloth? It's perfect for fob-ing it up. What's even more brilliant is that under the table cloth is a mah jong table!


We celebrated with old friends:








And new ones:




And we even hosted children:



And of course we had entertainment:






And the oddities:

WTF?

Umar cooking Chinese food (and it was real good too!)

Me and my neck pillow that I wear around the house,
especially when I'm blogging!

Happy New Year! Oink, bitch.

Year of the Golden Pig -- Hey Mon!

Red, Golden and Green were the colors of the day at Ragga Muffins' Bob Marley Fest in Long Beach on Saturday. An all-day music festival with ten reggae groups, authentic Jamaican food, shopping and herbal therapy. An excellent way to celebrate new years eve. Yeah, Mon!

Since it's the Year of the Golden Pig, it is hardly a coincidence that while listening to NPR this afternoon, I learned that reggae is huge in Beijing now (this was semi-confirmed by DBB who said the music scene in Beijing is hot) and that, like most things, reggae and China go way back.

More importantly, NPR introduced me to Wang Lei, an indie rocker/dub/reggae Guangzhou original. That's right, bitches, this mofo is Cantonese too... and he's excellent. I heard a bit of his reggae on the radio and I was forwarded by the sounds. Check out his website for a sample. If you can read Chinese, you can easily navigate the website. And if so, please send some sounds to me!

Year of the Golden Pig -- The Return of DBB

My dear comrade DBB returned to Los Skandelous from Shanghai last Thursday night. His first request upon arrival was for pho. So here we are at Pho LA in Koreatown.

Gong Hay Fat Choy!!

Happy New Year! It's the Year of the Golden Pig... a supposedly very special year filled with wealth and riches. So you know my people are geeked.

True to its myth, the year of the golden pig has already begun auspiciously. So filled with fun and fortune that I separated the stories from start of the new year in several parts... enjoy!

Oink, bitch.

Killer mold?

IT STARTED with a series of leaks. Within a year, Melinda Ballard's 11,500-square-foot Texas dream home was quarantined; her 3-year-old son, Reese, was on daily medication to treat scarred, asthmatic lungs; her husband, Ron Allison, had lost his memory along with his job; and the family was living out of suitcases and locked in a seemingly endless battle with their insurance company. The problem? Household mold.

So I convinced Lady Pun and Tron that we must clean the house before Chinese new year. For good luck and shit. And, you know, it would be nice to live a clean house for a change. Anyway, we have a really disgusting mold problem in our bathroom. An army of mold covers the shower ceiling and it's steadily proliferating in the corners of the walls. It's really gnarly. But I had no idea how deadly mold can be. I mean, I heard about killer mold but I never thought I would one day be the proprietor of toxic mold and not even realize it. In fact, I always thought it was some sort of strange urban myth... until Blu-tooth forwarded a variety of links about, not only the extermination of mold, but also extremely scary cautionary tales about how mold kills.

Not that I know for certain whether MY mold is deadly. Stachybotrys atra (pronounced Stack-ee-bot-ris) is the most lethal mold apparently. I hope I don't have that.

Per the recommendation of multiple sites about the subject, I'm going to buy either X-14 or Commercial Zap Mildew or Lime Away. All these products are reportedly "not environmental". Suggested eco-friendly product is vinegar mixed with a little bit of baking soda.

But I'm not making a salad.

ABC and proud!

Here's a video of my favorite freestyle rapper, Jin, who is so fucken talented. And he's Cantonese!!

I began to follow his career when he first appeared on BET's 106 & Park. He was a contestant of Free Style Friday and won seven weeks in a row and was inducted in the show's Hall of Fame because no one could beat his chinaman ass. He was unstoppable. That same night, Ruff Ryders signed Jin to their record label. For real, he's really good... especially when his freestyle opponents get racist and talk shit about him being Chinese, he spits back with greater force and wit. He's my idol.

Here's his latest (thanks Tron, for real!)... he raps in Cantonese about the beauty of being American Born Chinese. Represent, bitches!



PS. He's in LA Chinatown!

RIP: Anna Nicole Smith

Some people don't believe this, but I really like Anna Nicole. I was rooting for her from day one. She deserved all the money that her late husband bequeathed to her. The Anna Nicole show was hilarious. The whole Trim Spa thing was fascinating. She loved pills, and I loved how spacey she was on them. She didn't give a fuck. Anna Nicole is a classic superstar. I'm gonna miss her.

Here's a good article in the Houston Chronicle about her. It shares my complete sentiments.

Ride on the Peace Train

Check it. Word up, bitches.

Fuck Colts

Although I did not watch the Superbowl (I didn't even know the time it was on) and went shopping instead with Lady Pun to the Vintage Fashion Expo in Santa Monica (where we each bought beautiful fabulous purses!), I am writing with extreme sadness and regret that Da Beloved Bears had lost. They were a far better team and deserved to win. Not that I really know (or care) but loyalty is a requisite for Chicagoans. So the Colts can go fuck themselves.

Despite our loss, I am still proud of our team and our city. To pay tribute, I present to you fellow Chi-towners Kanye West and Common's Southside Superbowl. I guess no Superbowl Shuffle II this year so this will have to do. SOUTHSIDE!

Dedicated to all you coffee snobs

To all those who have scoffed at my preference for McDonald's coffee, check this:

Consumer Reports magazine said today that in a test conducted at two locations of each emporium, its tasters found McDonald's coffee to be "decent and moderately strong" with "no flaws." On the other hand, the Starbucks brew "was strong, but burnt and bitter enough to make your eyes water instead of open."

The March issue of the magazine, due out Monday, thus advises, "Try McDonald's, which was cheapest and best."

I am NOT promoting McDonalds. It is a disease, just like Starbucks. BUT to those coffee snobs who emphatically believe that Starbucks coffee is the best... Booyah!

Just another manic monday

I was suppose to see this riveting documentary after work. But Tron cancelled on me. For a woman, no less. And no one else seemed interested. I wonder why? For real, why? I think it's a pretty good concept and I'm always interested to see what those wacky Chinese villagers are up to.

So, instead, I ventured to the westside to check out this book reading by Norah Vincent, author of Self-Made Man.

In the book, Norah shares her journey of going undercover as a man for eighteen months. It's kind of like John Howard Griffin's Black Like Me, but unlike Griffin's book which totally confirmed why I hate white people, Norah's book actually exhibits sympathy for men. That's what the audience said anyway. And can I tell you how kooky the audience was! Thank god I had two cocktails at Houstons beforehand, thanks to my buddies Plus, Blu-Tooth and Michael! By the way, why is it so easy to get people to come out for drinks than see a documentary about newly-empowered Chinese villagers with access to modern digital freedom? Fucken drunks.

So back to the audience. Although I was impressed with the diversity of the group, in terms of race, gender and sexual orientation, you could tell most of the folks were academics. And why is it that before an academic asks a question in a public forum, he or she must provide complete disclosure of his/her identity?

I am a middle-class African American lesbian of color born and raised in the melting pot of Los Angeles with an abusive alcoholic father and albino mother and a cat with three legs.

Are you fucken serious? Just ask your stupid question, please. But no.

I was raised as an Orthodox Jew but studied eastern philosophy at a community college and now I perform accupunture on people who are frightened to leave their homes and I find it very rewarding and... oh, I forgot my question.

Then these two ladies get into a heated debate with an obnoxious straight Asian male, a Latino guy, and a gay white man (sounds like I'm starting a joke, huh?) about the differences between hetero-male sexuality and gay-male sexuality. This went on for a while. Poor Norah.

Truth be told, much of it was interesting despite the annoying personalities. Norah made one statement that made me ponder: "The one thing that prevents heterosexual men from freely engaging in polygamous relationships is... the woman." Norah admitted that her statement is an overgeneralization but true in many cases. I've been thinking a lot about monogamy lately and I'm not so sure if it works either, particularly in our day and age when marriage is no longer a necessity of life.

Don't get me wrong. I value partnerships. But why can't you have partnerships with multiple people, especially when it's unlikely that one person will be your everything? Why should you compromise and have less than everything you deserve and desire? Why settle on one person who has only half of everything when two halves make a whole?

You know, four fourths make a whole too.

Gee. Things that make you go hmm.

A little chalk goes a long way

The works of Vija Celmins is showcased at the Armand Hammer Museum between now and April 22, 2007. Her works are mostly graphite (chalk) on acrylic ground on paper and includes exquisite details of her delicate renderings of lunar, ocean, and desert surfaces as well as clouds, galaxies, and nocturnal skies. Her pieces look like black and white photographs. She's that good. It's really amazing live and up-close.