Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Victims of Scientology

First Isaac Hayes quits the best job he has ever had, now Katie Holmes is going to be muzzled during her labor.

Following the Scientology tradition of a silent birth (because babies are to enter the world in peace), Tom Cruise ordered a special-made pacifier to suppress Katie's screams. And believe me, she will want to scream... since Tom frowns upon pain-killers, and has discouraged Katie from having any on the day of her delivery.

Additionally, six-foot note cards were made and will be strategically placed so that Katie could see them during labor. One reads:“Be silent and make all physical movements slow and understandable."

Damn. I wonder what Liz's doula would say...

Yes, Katie, don't dare make any sounds during your delivery, or the aliens will come down and take your baby. For real.

3 comments:

tonkhero said...

I'm surprised DYY chose to remain silent on the hideous dress. How big is Katie's ass these days?

DYY said...

Sorry, Tonk. I may be a mean bitch but I don't make fun of pregnant ladies.

I'm too frightened they're going to sit on me and have their water burst in my face.

Hmm, on second thought... yum...

The Chef said...

Why do people make so much fun of Scientologists? Huh? I quit.