Pink Eye = WMDs

Yes, it is true. I have been slowly assembling an army of cybersoldiers in preparation for robot uprisings and armageddon in general. However, now that I have been demobilized by pink eye, I now believe I should assemble a guerrilla group of bio-terrorist combatants also. I would recruit my two nephews, who transferred the highly contagious virus to me by coughing indiscriminately in my food and my face, all the while staying cute and lovable, disarming me and my better judgment to maintain some distance away from their bio toxic germs. I can't believe I allowed those little fuckers to get me.

Since I am not as cute and lovable as my nephews, my friends are not as disarmed and have maintained their better judgment. Even though I promised not to cough into anyone's food or face, a couple of us made the right decision for me to leave a baby shower early and quarantine myself so I don't spread the infectious disease to the expecting mother and unborn child. In fact, there was another pregnant friend on the scene so I finally left because I couldn't bear the responsibility of something later going terribly wrong. It's not like you can deny spreading pink eye at a party when you're the only one with discharge oozing out of your eye sockets. Thank god I had my sunglasses on. Although no one could tell, I started feeling paranoid. I was reminded of a Bloodhound Gang episode (from 321 Contact) about pink eye. The story was about this school cafeteria employee who had contracted pink eye, yet neglected to wash her hands before she prepared sandwiches, causing a number of teenagers to become ill. She wore sunglasses the whole time to cover her itchy, irritated red eye. But the Bloodhound Gang found her habit of wearing sunglasses indoors, in a dark cafeteria, to be a bit odd. I don't remember exactly how the Bloodhound Gang busted her, but I do remember the moral of the story is to wash your hands frequently... and to never contract pink eye.

Twenty-five years later after watching such an important and informative show, it is clear I have not learned from my childhood lessons. Or perhaps bio-terrorists (ie. children) are far more powerful and deadlier than they were when I was growing up? All I know is that none of my peers growing up ever had pink eye or lice or mono or peanut allergies. But now I have one of the four. OMG. I need to assemble a guerrilla army as soon as possible! In the meantime, I will be an army of one and follow what this guy does.

Children say the darnest things

I heard some great one-liners this past weekend.

I attempted to engage in a conversation about Barack Obama with my 6 and 4 years old nephews. If Auntie loves Obama, the nephews surely will also.

So I described to them how Sasha and Malia are going to get a new dog when they move to the White House.

Christopher announces, "I want to get a new dog. But we have to wait for these (points to dogs Gabby and Sally) to die first."

Nice. Good to know he's a honest little fucker.

I offered to eat the dogs but the boys then shrieked like little girls. Little tortured girls. It didn't sound good.

Then while we started to over-decorate the tree...


...and were looking for hooks to clip the ornaments...


... Elliot announces, "I NEED A HOOKER!"

Awesome. Good to know he's a degenerate like Auntie.

And finally, Christopher makes a racial remark. It's kind of funny so it's okay. Plus, he's just a child. He doesn't know better.

Quote of the Day

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
— Dolly Parton

Another Silent Auction!!

So I'll be attending yet another industry event tonight... a fundraiser for the Coalition of Asian Pacifics in Entertainment. I am going as a guest of Fox's diversity department and will be sitting next to.... BOBBY LEE... and JOHN CHO!! I'm pretty stoked.

But I also learned that there will be another silent auction tonight! I still haven't paid for my Krav Maga lessons, so I doubt I will participate. Or maybe I should? Here are the prizes I'm considering to bid on:

• Custom Hello Kitty Electric Guitar plus accessories (oh yeah!)
• The Sword of Hiro from HEROES (for protection during Armageddon)
• Framed autographed poster from House (for sister)
• 25th anniversary Star Trek Wrath of Khan ship to be signed by George Takei (Might need this ship for Armageddon as well)

I played Wii for the first time ever

Instead of participating in Black Friday this year, and potentially risk my life being trampled by crazy mad shoppers like that poor seasonal employee at Wal-mart, I used my time and energy to further my study of virtual reality. I played Wii Sports. Specifically, I bowled, boxed and played tennis. I also raced riding a cow and shot targets in the air. Not all at once, mind you. That's not even possible in virtual reality, at least not yet.

This is what I learned. I am a much better athlete in virtual reality. I bowled a 114. And my backhand in tennis is awesome. I wasn't very good at boxing, but I think that's because I'm a pacificist, unlike JaneInsane who continued to knock me out even when I was down (ie. I didn't know how to use the controls, not that she cared as she continued to punch me to a pulp). Also, I'm a pretty good cow rider.

What was encouraging is that playing sports on Wii inspired me to play these sports in real life. After virtual bowling, I wanted to really bowl. And after virtual tennis, I pledged to myself that I'm going to play more tennis in 2009. But I wonder, do others have this same feeling of inspiration to pause playing virtual reality and play reality reality? I assume not. I mean, if you're really good at Wii, why would you want to suck in real life? We all want to be winners. For example, I hardly exceed a score of 100 in real-life bowling. So you can imagine my elation when I bowled several spares and strikes in Wii. What would happen to my newly-developed confidence when I put on those tri-colored shoes and hit those lanes? Why would any kid who excels at Wii would want to participate in the sport in real life, especially if they lack true athletic skills like myself?

The "W" in Wii stands for "Winner". There's no W in "Reality".

Is that fucken deep or what?

Another message to me from the Obama-Biden Administration

Dear DYY, Thank you for submitting your application to serve in the Obama-Biden Administration. As you can imagine, we are receiving thousands of applications during the transition process. We will initially be focused on the most senior positions in the Administration. If you do not hear from us for several weeks or months, please do not think we have lost your information. You may update your application at any time by clicking on the link below and using the email address you entered on your application as your login. We will receive and record the changes you make.Thank you again for your interest.

Cross your fingers for me, bitches!

Holiday Update

I'm up north visiting my family for the holidays. So once again, I must be wholesome and pure. That is why I'm wearing a pilgrim hat and showing off pilgrim art, both made by my younger nephew Elliot. Part of being wholesome and pure is immersing in the holiday spirit. For reasons I never quite understood, celebrating Christmas the day after Thanksgiving is a tradition in America. And what is good for America is good for my family. We shall not be exempt from such celebrations.
Here we are at Downtown San Jose. We were suppose to go ice skating, but the rink was closed. So were all the children's rides and the public library. Yes, Downtown San Jose was booty overall. But we still remained in the holiday spirit and took pictures with the many Christmas decorations scattered throughout the main street.

Here is a Christmas tree decorated with pictures of missing children. Above each picture is the word "VANISHED".

Um, can you say downer?

And here is a lovely nativity scene. But where is Baby Jesus? He must be VANISHED. Perhaps we'll find his picture in the tree above...

We celebrated a little bit of Christmas at home too. We assembled this gingerbread house puzzle and glued the pieces together.
There's glitter on the puzzle too, but you may not be able to see it in the photo. We also put together a glow-in-the-dark dinosaur puzzle, but it kind of got messed up when we tried gluing the pieces together. I doubt we're going to fix it. With young boys and an ADD aunt, we've moved on to other activities.
Activities such as Jenga and Twister. The boys liked them okay. I think they'll like them better when they get a little older. I can't wait. So instead we focused on some wooden toys I had also purchased for them. I added a couple of stickers to each and they insisted to add more. How awesome is that?!

Here is Christopher's helicopter:
Also to my delight, the boys have learned to make funny faces!
Speaking of toys and funny faces, I'm going to take this moment to digress for a bit... can someone please explain this to me?
There are two big shelves of stuffed bears at my sister's friend's home where we celebrated Thanksgiving this year. I don't mean to be disrespectful, since she fed me and all, but I just don't get it. I mean, I have seen and heard of adults having huge collections of dolls and stuff animals, but I just don't get it. Of course I had to inquire about her collection. They are specialty bears from all around the world. I certainly appreciate the diversity, but it's a little strange, right? I guess I shouldn't poo poo it during this time of wholesomeness and purity. I presume a collection of stuff animals is part of that. Indeed I complimented her bears and smiled cordially in the most purest and wholesome way, supressing my naturally sarcastic thoughts. See, I'm all about the holidays yo.

Now back to funny faces... Happy Holidays!!

I don't even care that msnbc reported cnn's mischaracterization of this. I still believe it.

I'm going to learn to kill

Yes, it is true. At a silent auction fundraiser during Disability Legal Rights Center's annual gala (our campaign received an award!), I acquired a 3 month self-defense membership to Krav Maga Worldwide. For those of you who don't know, Krav Maga is the official combat system of the Israeli Defense Force. They train you to kill.

I initially bid as a joke. I've been meaning to take a self-defense class. Tonkhero suggested Krav Maga. I know he was just joking, but I've been thinking about it ever since. When I learned that Krav Maga classes were being auctioned, and then discovered the starting bid was only $100 for a membership valued at $751, I was like, what the heck. The money is going to a good cause and I get to learn to kill.

I was excited to see that no one had bid for Krav Maga yet. I wrote in my bid and then went see another item of interest: A swag bag from NBC Universal Beijing Olympics (opening ceremony dvd, Beijing military hat (?), MSNBC water bottle, Beijing pin, NBC golf balls, Beijing Nike Golf Shirt, Beijing Men's Fleece). I wanted to get the Beijing-swag for my dad. So I satisfactorily placed the minimum bid for the B-swag, then searched for the server with the spring rolls. When I returned, only seconds later, I am out-bidded for the B-swag. I stood there conflicted about whether I should increase my bid... the highest bid now exceeded its original value ($171.93). Of course my cheap Chinese ass decided to let the B-swag go (I regret it now). I immediately and anxiously returned to the table with the Krav Maga bid. Of course I discovered someone placed a higher bid on this too. As I begun to feel like silent auctions are rigged, a faint bell rang from the background and someone announced that the silent auction is about to end. I then instinctually and frantically place a much higher bid for the Krav Maga, just in time before the volunteer turned over the bid sheet and said, sorry miss, the auction is over.

Dude. You'd think I'd be happy winning lessons to kill. But I started to feel buyer's remorse. I felt like that nerdy attorney guy who won the Olympics swag bag (and my colleague who successfully bid for a 7-day Royal Caribbean cruise for two to Alaska for $1600!) got a better deal. I don't know. I can't tell. It happened so fast. I felt slightly hysteric.

But now I'll know what to do in an hostage situation:

People from Wasilla scare me

Lady Simzie says she's so over Palin. Like an old, wet newspaper. Not me. I'm still amused.

Palin is a wonderful public servant. In this video, she teaches us not to worry about "heavy-handed politics" and criticism as long as we have fun. Keep it real, sister.

Description and video, courtesy of the Huffington Post:

On Thursday, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin appeared in Wasilla in order to pardon a local turkey in anticipation of Thanksgiving. This proved to be a slightly absurd but ultimately unremarkable event. But what came next was positively surreal. After the pardon Palin proceeded to do an interview with a local TV station while the turkeys were being SLAUGHTERED in the background!! Seemingly oblivious to the gruesomeness going on over her shoulder, she carries on talking for over three minutes. Watch the video below to see for yourself. Be warned, it's kind of gruesome.

Joe Lieberman sucks

They should have made him eat shit. Fucken liberals. That's why Republicans continue their bullshit with impunity. Democrats are so fucken lucky right now to have Barack Obama on their team.

Reflections on 8ATE

Last Saturday, Blu-tooth, Minnesota Mike and I attended a rally and march to protest the passage of Prop 8. Even though Prop 8 is specific to California, demonstrations were occuring everywhere nationwide. Ours was in front of City Hall in Downtown LA.

I was glad to be there in solidarity, but there's really nothing more that can be done except wait for the courts to make a decision (with hopes that such demonstrations could influence the judges in our favor maybe?!) and perhaps wait for a repeal of the discriminatory proposition in 2010.

Not that rallies and boycotts are insignificant. They are important, necessary and strategic. But where were all the rallies and boycotts before the majority of California voters decided that a marriage recognized by the state must be between a man and a woman?

Instead I see boycotts against Majorie Christoffersen, a member of the Mormon Church and proprietor of El Coyote, who had contributed $100 to her church to support Prop 8.

Dude. Are you kidding me? This is why we lost Prop 8. I could understand if you don't patronize El Coyote because the food taste like diarrhea. But to focus so much energy on this one woman who acknowledged and apologized for her mistake, was contrite and offered free lunches to her offended clientele. She admitted that she simply did what her church told her. So why waste any more time and energy punishing this idiot? She's already experiencing a mental and emotional breakdown, yet the boycott continues. It makes me sad, not for her (I find her situation humorous actually), but because the disenfranchised continue to fight the disenfranchised. It's classic divide and conquer. LGBTs and Mormons probably have nothing in common EXCEPT that our government does not recognize either of their definitions of marriage. Kind of ironic.

On a positive note, this was Minnesota Mike's first protest. Ever. How exciting!



In the video, we're on the train. I was so pleased to see the huge number of people who used public transportation to get to the rally. Also, there were A LOT of good-looking people there. Gays are just hot.

Of course I randomly bump into my favorite couple with their hairless Peruvian dogs.

By the way, hairless Peruvian dogs are hypoallergenic, for obvious reasons. Can't see you Malia and Sasha with these cute pups?

Then there were some very cool posters (which kind of bummed us out because we forgot to make our own. Blu-tooth and I felt so unprepared).

This picture is funny because the lesbian on the left was upset that I took a picture with her poster being held by the lesbian in the center of the photo. She whined, "that's my poster." To make her feel better, I took another picture of her with her poster, but I refuse to post it.
No one is going to see it.

I know Tron and other Ron Paul supporters would appreciate this.

And finally, we marched along Main Street until we reached Chinatown, where we diverged for some dim sum.

What do we want? DIM SUM. When do we want it? NOW!!

Quote of the Day

Love life, engage in it, give it all you've got. Love it with passion because life truly does give back, many times over, what you put into it. -- Maya Angelou

I know, two Quotes of the Day in a row. I must feel more inspirational than usual.

Quote of the Day

There's no virtue without temptation.
--Marc Emery, self-described, "Prince of Pot" *

*Discovered the Prince of Pot from Super High Me.**

** This important documentary also introduced me to Temple 420.
You know, I have been thinking about more spirtuality in my life... hallelujah, praise the Lord!

Public office, public affiliations...

A message to me from the Obama-Biden Administration...

Hello DYY,

Thank you for your interest in joining the Obama-Biden Administration. Within a few days, you will receive an email with a link to the more complete on-line application. Please be patient, as we are trying to respond promptly to the large number of people who are interested in working in the Administration. Thanks.

As for other pubic affiliations, I joined Twitter.Com as a means to infiltrate robot cutlure and study virtual reality. But I have a suspicious feeling, it's just a fancier form of text messaging that is not so fancy after all. Naturally I asked Joe the Webmaster to join, as he agreed to be one of my cyberspace soliders. He may be a member already, which is good. Perhaps this could be a way for us to recruit other cyberspace soliders?

I also hijacked Little Panda's Facebook account and sent all our homies "an egg" which will hatch in a few days what looks like a used contraceptive sponge. It's a weird program and I do not pretend to understand it.

You wanna go on a date with me?

Or work for President-elect Obama? Fill out this questionnaire please. Sorry, I ran out of scantrons.

DYY BONUS: Here's a picture of Obama with a cigarette.

I just learned recently that he smokes. I hate to admit this, but he looks sexy with that cigarette. Don't you just want to gently grab that cig from his mouth and smoke it?

Moose Stew Recipe

It's a favorite among hockey moms.

Ingredients
2 1/2 lbs moose, cut into 1 inch cubes
2 tablespoons shortening
1/4 teaspoon cracked black pepper
1/2 teaspoon paprika
1 bay leaf
1 teaspoon salt
2 (10 1/2 ounce) cans condensed beef broth
1 cup dry red wine
1 large onion, diced
3 carrots, sliced
18 small whole white onions
12 small new potatoes, peeled
2 tablespoons butter
2 tablespoons flour

Directions
1Saute meat cubes in shortening until brown on all sides.
2Add pepper, paprika, bay leaf, salt, beef broth, red wine, onion, and carrots.
3Cover and simmer until meat is tender, about 2 hours.
4Add whole onions and potatoes; cover and simmer for an additional 15 minutes, or until the vegetables are barely tender.
5Mix butter and flour into a paste.
6Drop into simmering stew.
7Cook, stirring, until stew bubbles and thickens.
8Serve with rice or polenta.

Welcome home!

Dude. Finally. I have internet again.

It's perfect timing now that the elections have concluded. I was concerned I would no longer have anything to watch on my analog television. I felt this same anxiety when the Olympics ended. Fortunately, I have discovered KCET. Charlie Rose is sick. And Tavis Smiley seems kind. And I've been watching this documentary series about US presidents. I love that shit. So far, I've been able to catch Regan, LBJ and Nixon. It's been fascinating. I can't wait to see who will be next.

But you know, sometimes when the shows on KCET become really local-cable-access-ish, I turn to the internet. I turn to youtube.

And while searching for past Keith Olbermann shows, I stumble upon one of his old episodes commenting on Britney Spear's last performance on MTV's video music awards. Wow. Why does that feel so long ago? It seemed so relevant then (at least to me) but now I do feel a difference. Instead of disengaging and distracting myself with indulgences and superficialities, I feel sincerely engaged and hopeful for the first time in a long time. But enough talk about hope and change. Let's talk about Britney.

So I re-watched her performance. And you know what? I think it was awesome. To be honest, I sort of liked it then, but was more consumed with my theory that she was on Lexipro at the time.

It would have been better if she purposely mocked MTV, but in a way, performing on lexipro and all, she kind of did. Even though Britney was upset and depressed about it afterwards, she performed like she didn't give a shit. A big middle finger to MTV and all of America who relished in both her rise and demise. I like it. It's just Britney, bitch.

One day more...

Okay, you have to be a fan of the musical Les Miserables... and if you are, this video is quite superb. GOBAMA!

I suppose I'm not entirely dead inside

Tron sent me these quotes, which made me cry.

Gee thanks, Joe. You're swell.

"Sometimes we tend to be in despair when the person we love leaves us, but the truth is, its not our loss, but theirs, for they left the only person who wouldnt give up on them."

"Have you even been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like `maybe we should just be friends' or `how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."
-- Neil Gaiman