Enjoy

A description from youtube:

DJ Shadow was keen to try something new and different for this video and approached Wong Kar-Wai, one of his favorite filmmakers. It turned out that Kar-Wai was a fan of Shadow's music and was keen to direct for him. The idea was to make a short film revolving around the song's hook line, "Tomorrow never comes until it's too late...." The plot centers around a guy who, upon discovering his girlfriend has betrayed him, tries to destroy all traces of their relationship, eventually realizing that what is done cannot be undone.

Double Happiness

On Saturday, I went to two wedding parties. Can you believe it? Double weddings in one night. Despite the agonizing thought, I actually had lots of fun. Christy and Peter exchanged vows at the City Club on the 54th floor of the Wells Fargo Building in Downtown, where we were very fortunate to receive free mouthwash in the restrooms. It shoots out from a dispenser. Can you say, swanky? I can. Here's Lady Pun and I doing a toast of peppermint mouthwash for the new husband and wife, who by the way, are so lovely. I am so happy for them. They're honeymooning in Italy right now. Fucken bitches.

The good spirits followed me to Khanum and Syed's wedding party in Mount Washington, at yet another fancy location. A rich and very generous friend's house. The new bride and groom looked stunning, as always. And as always, they partied Bollywood style -- johnnie walker, bhangra and tons of samosas. But no mouthwash.

Finally, I can't even attempt to broach the subject of weddings without giving a proper SHOUT OUT to CuzzieND who married her man in September 2006. Yeah, I'm kind of late in my reporting. Sorry, girl. But check it. We're going to re-live the moment through pictures.

This is my favorite picture of them. They're like, What?

My parents, YY and WYY (Wife of Yip Yee).
You can't tell, but they were ECSTATIC to be at my cousin's wedding.
I couldn't calm their excitement.

Here's Cuzzie after she changed into her Chinese wedding dress. Meow!

Happy Four Twenty!

Sunglasses

Last night, I went to this old-school Mexican bar/club in downtown that hosts "Hipster Thursdays." That's what I call it anyway. Despite this, the club played this song. It was brilliant.

The Warm on Terror

A government-funded report issued last week by a group of retired U.S. generals and admirals says global warming is a security risk. The Military Advisory Board says climate change "can act as a threat multiplier," with severe weather and drought leading to mass migrations, battles over food and water, and the spread of disease. Noting that conflicts in places like Darfur and Somalia began with drought and other resource shortages, the report urges the U.S. to "commit to a stronger national and international role to help stabilize climate changes at levels that will avoid significant disruption to global security and stability." It also says military bases in some areas are vulnerable to rising seas. Former Army chief of staff Gen. Gordon R. Sullivan says he has moved from skeptic to believer: "The trends are not good, and if I just sat around in my former life as a soldier, if I just waited around for someone to walk in and say, 'This is with 100 percent certainty,' I'd be waiting forever."

I'm metamorphosing into a hippie

I have been fearful of this. But it's slowly and unwittingly becoming my reality.

I was super EXCITED to receive Dr. Bronner's magic soap as a gift from Tonkhero, after I expressed my desire to also have a complexion of a fifteen year old girl. Read about the soap's organic ingredients that support and encourage sustainable argriculture, ecological processing methods and fair trade. Also, Dr. Bronner's missive on social responsibility is a must-read. He seems a bit crazy, but the man makes sense to me.

Then, instead of my standard fare of alcoholic beverages and/or store-bought goodies, I made a hippie dippie casserole for Minnie Mouse's potluck this weekend. The ingredients include... (drum roll, please)... mashed sweet potatoes, ground soy mixed with vegetables and organic nonfat plain yogurt, and organic refried black beans with organic gouda cheese sprinkled on top.

What is happening to me?? HELP!!

Beware of FLOPS

How can I write about new animals without discussing FLOPS?!?!

A couple of weekends ago, I returned to Anza Borrengo to celebrate Tonkhero's birthday. The celebratory event turned out to be a weekend of discovery and learning, especially about the negative effects of global warming. Let me introduce you to a FLOP:


Don't even try. You ain't going to find any information about a FLOP in the world wide web. FLOPS are an entirely new species, a by-product of global warming actually. Since we were the first to discover FLOPS, we took the liberty to name them (thanks to the Lady Pun) as well as study them on behalf of the human race. Just remember you learned it here first.

What is it?
A FLOP is the retarded mutant cousin of a fruit fly, a little insect about 3mm long. While fruit flies live and prosper in moist areas, the FLOP lives in the arid dry heat of the desert. Because there is not enough water in the desert for FLOPS to survive, their total life expectancy last only 3 hours.

Life cycle of a Flop
The flop egg is about half a millimeter long. It takes about ten minutes after fertilization for the embryo to develop and hatch into a worm-like larva that flies! The larva eats and grows continuously, molting one minute, two minutes, and four minutes after hatching (first, second and third instars). After six minutes as a third instar larva, it molts one more time to form a pupa. Over the next hour, the body is completely remodeled to give the adult winged form, which then hatches from the pupal case and lives for 3 hours.

Research on Flops
There is none. Until now.

We discovered that flops are extremely complex organisms. Embryonic development is where most of the attention is concentrated, but there is also a great deal of interest in how various adult structures develop in the pupa, mostly focused on the development of the compound eye, but also on the wings, legs and other organs.

We observed:

(1) Since Flops have a short life expectancy, they love to get together and party. They roll deep and fly around like it's 1999.

(2) Flops are harmless and good-intentioned, but extremely annoying and relentless, and tend to occupy more space than appreciated by humans. But they can't really help it. There are like billions and billions of them. Kind of like Chinese people.

(3) Essentially, flops are all over the place -- your clothes, your food, all over your body. We felt anxious about the flops, especially the small larvae ones, flying into our noses and ears. I think they got stuck in my hair and chilled in the crevices of my body.

Below are some campers who tried to shield themselves away from the flops:

It was a futile attempt. You can't tell from the picture because my camera only has 3.2 mega pixels, but the flops were all over these ladies, and the lenses of my camera. Too bad the flops are so small we couldn't capture them in this photo. If you saw how many flops were flying around, you would be kind of disgusted.

(4) But interestingly, you don't get disgusted. Flops are clean insects that do not spread germs... yet. We predict that future generations of flops may carry deadly diseases as their immune systems get stronger, and they become far more physically and intellectually superior than humans.

DON'T LET FLOPS DOMINATE THE WORLD.

STOP GLOBAL WARMING NOW.

New animals in my consciousness

I spent this past weekend in Northern California, celebrating my girl Christy's status as a bride-to-be. And since I was in the area, I visited my family in San Jose and celebrated a non-sectarian Easter with them. The weekend was fun and lovely. Thank you for asking.

What got excited me over the weekend was the new creatures now in my consciousness. For example, on route to Sebastopol (I know, right?) for our new age-y spa treatments, a huge bird that I swear looked like a turkey flew low above our car. I was like, is that a turkey? No one in the car knew. Finally when we arrived at the farm house (I know, right?) to meet Christy and company, another bird of its kind flew above us and Christy announced, "Oh, there's another turkey vulture." I was like, no way! They're actually called turkey vultures! Cool.

To learn more about our new feathered friends, check out this website full of fun facts about turkey vultures, thanks to the Turkey Vulture Society (I know, right?).

On Monday, I went with my sister and the boys to the Monterey Bay Aquarium in, you guessed it, Monterey, CA.

Aquarium photos beautifully taken with love by DYY

I love aquariums! So do my nephews!

I was so excited to learn that the MBA just developed a new sea otter exhibit too!

As you may know from my last trip to Washington state, sea otters became one of my all-time favorite animals. They're just so adorable.

But the creature that stole the show were... the jellyfishes!

I am embarrassed to admit that I don't think I have ever seen a live jellyfish. I now realize that not only do they serve as a super tasty treat in dim sum and other fine cuisines, they are beautiful too!

Here's a close-up picture of one. Isn't it exquisite?

Here's a picture of a group of white ones in front of a black background.
They are very photogenic.

Lastly, here is a cool picture I took of a school of sardines.

I can watch schools of fish swim around a tank all day. It must be the psychedelic stoner in me.

Once again...

Sexism is ignored and subordinated to racism.

As I'm sure you all know, shock jock Don Imus is busted by the public for calling members of the Rutgers women's basketball team "some nappy-headed hos."

The National Association of Black Journalists has demanded the immediate firing of the "Imus in the Morning" host. On Monday, the Rev. Jesse Jackson led a 50 person protest in Chicago outside of NBC's offices demanding his dismissal. Al Sharpton denounced the comment on his syndicated radio show as "racist" and "abominable," adding: "You should be fired for saying it."

I even overheard the women on THE VIEW talk about it while I was doing my taxes at my sister's house. They spoke about how such racial remarks can really affect each of the player's self-image. After all, they're just students.

As a double minority, I am proud when a community of color stands in solidarity against racial slurs and stereotypes, and demands accountability. I love it actually. But time and time again, and particularly in this situation, I am disappointed with that same community of color, as well as the feminist community, for hardly addressing the disparaging sexist comment made in the same breath. In fact, Imus' executive producer, Bernard McGuirk, called the team "some hard-core hos" before Imus made his stupid comment. Yet no one is asking McGuirk to resign. Believe me, if Imus never added the "nappy-headed" and just called the players "hos", there would be no news. Imus would still be on the air today, feeling secure and happy about his job and making misogynist remarks, without anyone feeling offended.

Thank you for "A Christmas Story"

Director Bob Clark, who is well known for directing the films A Christmas Story, Black Christmas, and Porky's, has died after being involved in a car crash outside of Los Angeles on Wednesday, April 4. Both he and his 22-year-old son died after their vehicle collided head-on with an SUV of a drunk driver veering into Clark's lane.

Rest in peace, my friend. "A Christmas Story" is genius and one of my favorite films. It made me appreciate sarcasm on another level. And for that I am forever grateful.

Disturbing or Endearing... you decide!

"The strangest thing I've tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father," said Keith Richards, the 63 year old Rolling Stones guitarist who was was quoted in comments published by British music magazine NME on Tuesday.

"He was cremated and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn't have cared," he said. "... It went down pretty well, and I'm still alive."

Kikikikiki

Update on Struvites

This is an email to my co-workers in response to "Hey, have you heard from xxx yet?"

So after being ignored for several weeks, I call xxx and demand a status on my claim. Fortunately I have been sufficiently trained by our members on how to make such a request.

The Senior Claims Manager regrettably informs me that my struvite samples got LOST on route to the Quality Assurance Department. Like most urine samples, I guess the struvites eventually decomposed and evaporated into thin air.

The SCM then asks for my last sample (still in an air-tight envelope in my possession). I said NO WAY! Then she suggests that I conduct home experiments to determine the nature of the substance. She suggests:

• Examine the substance to see if it's shaped like a crystal or a piece of glass

(I told her it looks like a piece of glass)

• Try crushing the substance with your fingers

(I responded that the "substance" cut my mouth, I doubt I would want to crush it with my bare hands)

• Pour hot water or vinegar on the substance to see if it dissolves

(I said um, no, thank you)

So she is now getting the corporate manufacturer to arrange for a third party to retrieve and investigate the final sample I have.

The struvite saga continues… I better get at least a nominal gift certificate for this...

New BFFs

Venezuela said on Saturday it was working on a raft of oil deals with China, giving impetus to President Hugo Chavez's attempts to break his country's dependence on oil exports to the United States.

"The United States as a power is on the way down, China is on the way up. China is the market of the future," said Chavez.

Why hate St. Jude?

So my sister-in-law kindly emails me... but with very, very bad news.

Remember that giant mural of St. Jude on 26th St? Someone had the audacity to paint over it!!! That Jesus-like image (non-christian/catholic folks like me called him Jesus) was a pseudo cultural landmark of Bridgeport/Chinatown. It's been there since I was born at least. Paint me shocked. I swore you had a blog entry about it, but couldn't find it. Anyway, what used to be the Hungry Hound is now a Mexican place...they painted the logo over St. Jude. It's hideous. We can't find our digital camera, otherwise you'd get a pic.

What a travesty. It's not like the perpetrators even replaced St. Jude with something better, like this:

Let's all smoke in memory of St. Jude.
May he live in our hearts and minds forever.

Favorite lyrics at the moment

Yes, it's by my girl Amy Winehouse.
This song is entitled FUCK ME PUMPS. It's even better sung by her.

When you walk in the bar,
And you dressed like a star,
Rockin' your F me pumps.

And the men notice you,
With your Gucci bag crew,
Can't tell who he's lookin' to.

Cuz you all look the same,
Everyone knows your name,
And that's your whole claim to fame.

Never miss a night,
Cuz your dream in life,
Is to be a footballers wife.
You don't like players,
That's what you say-a,
But you really wouldn't mind a millionaire.

You don't like ballers,
They don't do nothing for ya,
But you'd love a rich man six foot two or taller.

You're more than a fan,
Lookin' for a man,
But you end up with one-nights-stands.

He could be your whole life,
If you got past one night,
But that part never goes right.

In the morning you're vexed,
He's onto the next,
And you didn't even get no taste.

Don't be too upset,
If they call you a skank,
Cuz like the news everyday you get pressed.

You can't sit down right,
Cuz your jeans are too tight,
And your lucky its ladies night.

With your big empty purse,
Every week it gets worse,
At least your breasts cost more than hers.

So you did Miami,
Cuz you got there for free,
But somehow you missed the plane.

You did too much E,
Met somebody,
And spent the night getting caned.

Without girls like you,
There'd be no fun,
We'd go to the club and not see anyone.

Without girls like you,
There's no nightlife,
All those men just go home to their wives.

Don't be mad at me,
Cuz you're pushing thirty,
And your old tricks no longer work.

You should have known from the job,
That you always get dumped,
So dust off your fuck me pumps

Here's another called ADDICTED. This is classic.

Tell your boyfriend next time he around
To buy his own weed and don't wear my shit down
I wouldn't care if bro would give me some more
I'd rather him leave you then leave him my draw

When you smoke all my weed man
You gotta call the green man
So I can get mine and you get yours

Once is enough to make me attack
So bring me a bag and your man can come back
I'll check him at the door make sure he got green
I'm tighter than airport security teams

When you smoke all my weed man
You gotta call the green man
So I can get mine and you get yours

I'm my own man so when will you learn
That you got a man but I got to burn
Don't make no difference if I end up alone
I'd rather have myself a smoke my homegrown
It's got me addicted, does more than any dick did

Totally, totally bummed

I was suppose to see Amy Winehouse perform at Spaceland tonight. Queen Bee, the woman who hardly goes out on a school night and is usually asleep by 9 pm, was going to accompany me too.

But Bitch cancelled her show! WTF!! Perez Hilton, the notorious gossip gangsta, reports that Amy often cancels shows because she's recovering from a night of hard partying. Dude, I report to work everyday, despite nights of hard partying. Amy needs to learn from DYY. Of course she probably doesn't need the money as bad as I do. Hence, I go to work hungover while Amy is chillin at home watching cartoons and eating caviar and shit.

I'm still lucky though. On Friday night, I went to see Peter Kruder (of Kruder & Dorfmeister) dj at King King. IT WAS AMAZING. He dj-ed from 12:30 am until 4 am! We stayed until closing and continued the festivities at Little Panda's place. Such good times! It ruined me for the rest of the weekend, but I returned (groggy) to work on Monday, unlike Amy...

Speaking of bong hits 4 Jesus...

I'm reminded of how I promised Blu-tooth that I would blog about WITNESS LEE and WATCHMAN NEE, founders of her church and the "Recovery Movement."

I discovered these two gentlemen are very popular (they're even on WIKI!) as I found many websites devoted to analyzing, critiquing, supporting or debunking their teachings of Christ. In fact, I was not prepared to find so much information. My brain totally shut down (I think it's a defense mechanism actually). Like the dork I am, I had wanted to blog about Witness and Watchman only because I thought their names were funny. But everything about them is quite serious and not funny at all... except hymns homeboys wrote on their own!! I am so pleased to find them. Here's a prized example:

All sinners are the slaves of sin,
All poisoned by death's sting;
Christ only can from sin and death
A full deliverance bring.
He is the Everlasting One,
Who longs to set us free;
If we do not believe in Him,
We'll die in misery.

I would LOVE it if Blu-tooth lulled me to sleep with this hymn. I bet I would sleep like a baby.

If it's not FREE, at least it's AWESOME

The Supreme Court heard oral arguments today regarding a First Amendment free speech case that involved the banner above. OMG. These kids are AWESOME!

Here's the skinny:

The case involves Joseph Frederick, a then 18-year-old high school senior in Alaska who was suspended for 10 days after displaying a "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" banner across the street from his high school during the Winter Olympics Torch Relay in 2002. When he and his friends displayed the banner, then-principal Deborah Morse ran across the street and seized it. Morse initially suspended Frederick for five days for violating the school district's anti-drug policy, but increased the suspension to 10 days after he refused to give the names of his fellow participants and quoted Thomas Jefferson on free speech.

Again, this kid is AWESOME.

Does he look like a mastermind to you?

The FBI just reported that Khalid Sheikh Mohammed confessed to "masterminding" the 9/11 attacks and other awful atrocities including beheading American journalist Daniel Pearl. His statement was made after FOUR YEARS of illegal detainment (and interrogation and torture) in Guantanamo Bay.

I don't know. Seems dubious to me.