Killer mold?

IT STARTED with a series of leaks. Within a year, Melinda Ballard's 11,500-square-foot Texas dream home was quarantined; her 3-year-old son, Reese, was on daily medication to treat scarred, asthmatic lungs; her husband, Ron Allison, had lost his memory along with his job; and the family was living out of suitcases and locked in a seemingly endless battle with their insurance company. The problem? Household mold.

So I convinced Lady Pun and Tron that we must clean the house before Chinese new year. For good luck and shit. And, you know, it would be nice to live a clean house for a change. Anyway, we have a really disgusting mold problem in our bathroom. An army of mold covers the shower ceiling and it's steadily proliferating in the corners of the walls. It's really gnarly. But I had no idea how deadly mold can be. I mean, I heard about killer mold but I never thought I would one day be the proprietor of toxic mold and not even realize it. In fact, I always thought it was some sort of strange urban myth... until Blu-tooth forwarded a variety of links about, not only the extermination of mold, but also extremely scary cautionary tales about how mold kills.

Not that I know for certain whether MY mold is deadly. Stachybotrys atra (pronounced Stack-ee-bot-ris) is the most lethal mold apparently. I hope I don't have that.

Per the recommendation of multiple sites about the subject, I'm going to buy either X-14 or Commercial Zap Mildew or Lime Away. All these products are reportedly "not environmental". Suggested eco-friendly product is vinegar mixed with a little bit of baking soda.

But I'm not making a salad.