It's official

I am the only person in United States who does not own a cell phone.

I learned today that my brother and sister-in-law purchased cell phones for my parents for Christmas. This is big. My parents are not technological. At all. Let me illustrate:

(1) Their microwave has a dial.
(2) They do not have cable. My MTV consciousness was not developed until after I entered college.
(3) They do not own a computer, and therefore, do not use email or the internet.
(4) They do not know how to leave an outgoing message on their answering machine. They refuse to leave messages on answering machines as well.
(5) They do not know how to use an ATM machine. They must see a bank teller in order to retrieve their cash.

Yes, my parents are total old school immigrants. And that is why my dad said he only intended to use the cell phone on weekends and weekdays after 9 pm because the calls were free! Ah! Thank god they're still keeping it real. I was afraid for a tiny moment.